Page 72 of The Caretaker
“I’ll get started on the name change petition tomorrow.”
“Today,” I corrected, twisting the braid I’d given him around my fist.
“Today,” he whispered, kissing the corners of my scowl.
“Does your brother know?”
“I told him everything.”
“How did he take it?” I wondered if his brother and Patrick were still friends. Solace’s answer would greatly affect my opinion of his only living relative.
“He took a short leave of absence after everything happened. He stayed with me for a few weeks. I’d found it odd that Patrick hadn’t contested the divorce. Then we met with our attorneys to sign the paperwork and I immediately understood why.Gavwas responsible for how quick and painless our separation was. I sometimes wonder,” he mused in a faraway tone, “if Patrick will ever regain full use of his right eye.” He tried his damnedest not to smile.
“Nice,” I replied, in approval. “I think Gav and I will get along just fine.”
The warmth of his laugh tickled my skin. “I knew you’d appreciate that.”
“I’m only sad I didn’t get to deck him myself for everything he did to you.”
He smoothed a thumb over my bunched brow, and I relaxed again. We held each other in silence, exhaustion creeping over us.
“Are you ready to meet everyone?” I asked. Now that I held the most important piece of my past within my arms, I felt ready to take on everything else. Ready to move forward in a way I hadn’t before, and that started with letting everyone who loved me in. It meant knocking down the walls I’d put up to keep them all at bay.
“Yeah,” Solace said as we hugged in preparation for falling asleep that way.
“Not for a while, though,” I said through a yawn. “I want to be alone here with you for as long as possible before letting the outside world in.” I wanted to soak in my complicated love for him. I wanted to make it uncomplicated. I wanted my heart completely full of him, and I wanted his heart, and his body, saturated with me. I wanted us to live like we had nowhere to be, and had no one’s expectations to meet. I just wanted to love him, and be loved by him.
Solace hummed sleepily. “I’m more than okay with that, Care Bear. More than okay with it.”
We spent the last month of winter, and the first couple weeks of spring, locked away in Haley Cove. That was all the time we’d been afforded before Leland threatened to hunt me down. To buy us more time, I’d tasked him with getting everyone together for a family meeting of sorts, fully expecting my sister to join in remotely over Zoom.
I instantly regretted giving him the assignment when he called back a week later stating that my sister, nephews, andbrother-in-law would be flying in the following weekend, and that Cole and Jasper would be hosting everyone at their estate.
“Are you nervous?” Solace asked as we drove there.
“I should be asking you that,” I huffed. He was the one entering as a total stranger, the one looking to be accepted by a group of people who knew and loved my ex-wife. And those people had no idea who he was or that he was coming. I’d decided not to tell them beforehand. They deserved to hear the truth face-to-face.
“I’m here to support and protect you, first and foremost. To protectus. It’ll be great if they accept me, but as long as I have your acceptance, I’m okay.”
I brought our intertwined hands to my lips, kissing the back of his. “I love you.”
I professed my love way too often, but I knew him better than I had a month ago. Knew that deep down he harbored some insecurity behind me not remembering our past. The kernel of doubt was small, thanks to me falling for him before finding out about us. I’d forever be grateful for that, would forever believe he’d made the right decision in not telling me until he had to. But because of that deeply planted doubt, my daily mission had become to prove that my love for him was unshakable and unbreakable, even if it had been disassembled and rearranged.
“I know,” he whispered. “I love you too.”
“I’m a little nervous,” I admitted. “Mostly because I hate that look they all give me when I’m around. Like they believe I have the key to unlocking their happiness, except I don’t remember what I did with the damn key.”
“When you were thirteen,” Solace began, “you started walking your neighbor’s dog for pocket change before and after school. Mrs. Baker would greet you every morning with a kiss on the cheek, and Skippy, her Cocker Spaniel, would rush through the door and try to climb your legs. And in the evenings, she’dgive you cookies and tell you to share with Deb. Skippy would whine when it was time to go inside—but only in the evenings,” he clarified. “Things were going great until you turned fourteen and got a job at the library. Your free time was limited then. You avoided Mrs. Baker and Skippy after that, going so far as to wait out of sight across the street for them to go inside.
“Then one day you bumped into them in the hall, and Mrs. Baker said,‘Noon! Where have you been? It’s been so long since we’ve seen you!’ You bowed your head, apologizing—again—for not being able to walk Skippy anymore. And do you know what she said?” he asked, pausing purely for dramatic effect. He knew I didn’t remember that particular story. His dramatics worked like a charm every time, keeping me more focused on his retelling than my not remembering.
“What did she say?” I infused my tone with excitement.
“She said,‘That’s okay, we’d just be happy to see you.’And Skippy barked in agreement. You thought you were useless to them because you no longer had anything to offer, but they never saw you for what you did for them. They just sawyou, Noon.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. And I’m betting you’re projecting that on your friends and your sister. My guess is you bring them joy simply by being around, and that look you’re seeing on their faces, is their happiness to see you. Their gratitude for you being alive. Try not to read too much into it. Take the pressure off yourself.”
