Page 63 of The Boy Who Loved Wicked
Cranes are a symbol of healing and rebirth. I hugged his now empty urn to my chest. “I love you, Dad. And I can only hope that I’ll be even half the man you were.”
I poured my heart out that night to my acolytes and voyeurs. And I wondered where Sebastian was in the world. I sat in the long silence waiting for Plato the Great to make an appearance that never came. Hell, for all I knew the moniker didn’t belong to Sebastian at all. I’d never seen it again after that first time.
I placed my palm on my monitor as if we were only screens apart and not miles, and I’d swear I felt him collide with me. I remained that way until the screen went black, until the burn in my arm matched the burn in my heart. Until my head made a pillow out of my keyboard, and until the sun rose over the sky again.
“No.” I slammed my locker door and stormed off. Theory picked up her pace, apologizing to a passing student after nearly taking his shoulder off.
“You can’t be thinking about going to promalone, Pheeny.”
“You are not finding me a date for prom, Theory.”
“But—”
Mason appeared at my side. “I’ll go with you.”
I stopped to the annoyance of the crowd behind us. “Not a good idea either.”
“I gotta get going,” Theory said, “but for the record, great idea.”
Mason tugged me out of the line of fire and whispered, “I’m a big boy. You’re not leading me on or giving me false hope by agreeing. We’re friends, I get that.” That’s what his mouth said, but when he thought I wasn’t looking, his eyes said something else.
I hiked my backpack up my shoulder. “Why aren’t you going with someone?”
“I haven’t found anyone who…”
He didn’t have to say “compares,” I heard it in the void. In his body language. “Mason—”
“—I’m a big boy,” he said more adamantly.
My lips pressed firmly together. “Class is about to start.” I wrestled with my decision before spitting out, “I’ll go with you, but if you find a better option, you let me know. Promise?”
“Sure, Phoenix,” he said grinning and shaking his head before taking off.
“Hey, Mom.”
“Oh! Phoenix, you scared me.”
I’d come up from behind and wrapped my arms around Mom as she sat at the dining table absorbed in a stack of photos. She patted my arm, still not comfortable with big displays of affection, but I’d decided that I would love her how I wanted to be loved, with no expectations in return. I’d be myself, and allow her to be authentic as well.
“I wasn’t exactly quiet when I came in.” I kissed the top of her head before taking a seat next to her, picking up a picture of what appeared to be a list.
“You went rock climbing again?” she asked with a hint of warmth. She enjoyed watching me find my way.
“Oh, yeah.” I set the helmet I was carrying down. It’d become a regular habit of mine, and since the gang hadn’t latched on to the sport like I did, it was an activity I did alone. I liked it that way, to be honest. I got a ton of thinking done, and a lot of conversations in with Dad. “What’s this?”
She took the shot that I held out. “Oh, that’s me and your dad’s bucket list. The places we wanted to go but never got the chance to. I almost forgot about this,” she said wistfully before putting it to the side.
Mom had been on her own mission for closure. Not trying to find herself, because that girl was long gone, but attempting to discover who she was now. What she wanted now and what needed to be done to close old doors so she could make room for new ones to open. She kept glancing through the pictures in her hands, placing one behind the other, but her eyes would rest on the photo of the list every so often.
Then I remembered the letter my father left behind for me, the one I’d been reading more often.Take care of your mother, Phoenix. She won’t make it easy, but do it anyway. And love her. Love her with the full extent of your capabilities. She won’t make that easy either.
“I’ve got some time after graduation before I need to move into the dorms. We could see some of these places together.”
“You’d give up your summer for me? I couldn’t ask you to do that,” she said, but the idea had brought her to life. Her eyes that were the size of infinity smiled, and her hand reached for the discarded bucket list.
It should’ve made me happy to see her excited by the thought, but the opposite emotion washed over my skin. My mom had been alone in every sense of the word. She’d worked hard to maintain what we had, but it had cost her so much. Parents had dreams too, parents were human as well. Parents needed love. “I’d give up anything for you,” I said. “We’re all we’ve got.” It hit me how true that was. I took her hand. “You’re always bragging about how much time off you’ve accrued.”
“I don’t brag.” She swatted my arm. “Are you sure?” She bit her lip, running a finger over the first stop on the list. “This could take us weeks. Months.”
