Page 86 of Surviving the Merge
Ash wouldn’t appreciate me telling him it wasn’t his fault. So I didn’t.
“We got back from the game, and the plan was for Damon to get Benjamin and come to my house for a sleepover. After about twenty minutes, I decided to find out what was taking them so long. The front door was ajar, and a cold dread ran down my spine. The atmosphere felt off.
“I pushed it open, and there was so muchblood.I didn’t stop to think—I charged in and slipped on a pool of it. That’s when I saw Damon in the living room on his hands and knees. His back was to me, and he was covered from head to toe in blood. He was deathly quiet, but his body made jerky movements, arms moving rapidly. I got up and called his name. I was so afraid, I thought I’d puke. It took me three attempts to actually put sound to words. Damon didn’t answer me; he started moving faster. Like time was running out. He knelt in a puddle of blood, and when I walked around him…”
Ash’s vacant stare told me that he was back in that room.
“When I walked around him, he was putting Benji back together. There were so many pieces and so much blood. I couldn’t tell a leg from an arm. Damon silently worked. He believed that if he got the pieces right, Benji would be fixed.
“Benji still clutched this little bear that Damon had won for him at the school fair a few weeks prior, and I remember thinking,oh, that’s his hand.
“That was all I could identify. I knew I couldn’t touch Damon or try to get him away from the body. Behind the silence lurked nothing good, Justin.
“I followed a second blood trail down the hall and into Emilia’s room.”
Ash shook his head, not going any further. But I knew what he found.
“I could hear my mom pulling up. I ran and got her, and she called it in.
“He was such a good baby. He was my brother too.”
“I know, Ash.”
“He had hair like Emilia and Damon. Black and curly. His pale skin and green eyes he got from his father.”
“Blake said he looked like a porcelain doll,” I said.
“Yeah, he was pretty. Much like you are.” He nodded toward the urn. “Be careful, Justin.”
“I will.”
* * *
I decidedto place the urn on the mantel at the Chadwick house and not mention it. If he noticed and wanted to address it, we could deal with it then. If he chose to ignore its existence—well, we could do that too. Or maybe he’d come to it when I wasn’t around. When he could be alone with Benji and work out whatever he needed to.
Either way it played out, I was positive that having it there would do more good than harm. Benji was our family; he deserved to have a place in our lives.
Sunset came and went. I’d been out back dancing, thinking it strange I hadn’t heard from Damon all day. We hadn’t spoken since those few whispered words in the shower last night. After theincident.I’d left the condo for Chadwick before he woke up.
I wrapped things up with the intention to call, but before I stepped outside the studio, I saw Damon inside the house staring at the mantel. I knew it was him from the deer-caught-in-headlights look on his face. He moved away a fraction, but Blake didn’t come forth. Damon planned to deal with it on his own.
This is good.I tried to convince myself. I held my breath, watching him for a while, but I’d rather not be caught, so I went to him.
“Hi. I wondered where you were,” I said, wishing I had something to do with my hands.
Clearing his throat, he said, “Ah, yeah.” Nothing else.
“I’m going to grab a quick shower and call it a night. There’s takeout in the fridge. Come up when you’re ready.”
“Yeah. Okay. I’ll be up soon.” His voice was hoarse.
“Soon” turned into two hours. Laying there in the dark, I listened to him remove his clothing before climbing into bed.
“I’m sorry,” he said, yanking me onto his chest and suffocating me with his brawny arms.
“It’s okay,” I responded, kissing that soft thatch of skin under his jaw.
He tucked me into him tighter. We fell asleep that way. One of the best night’s sleeps I’d had in a while.
