Page 70 of Surviving the Merge
Like I said, such a child.
19
Idevoted my days to working with the kids and my evenings to getting through the rest of the book. Blake sent me a text a few days ago letting me know he’d finished. And again this morning, asking if I was done yet. I sensed his exhilaration and eagerness for me to complete it, so I committed to not moving from my spot until I had.
A few hours later, I snapped the book shut and looked at the time. Four hours until Sam’s art exhibit. More than enough time for me to get ready and make a pit stop. I dashed to the bathroom but returned to snag my phone to make an important call.
* * *
“Why,hello, Mr. Daniels, wasn’t sure if I’d see you again,” Sarah said, smiling from her seat behind the reception desk in Julie’s waiting room.
“Hey, Sarah. It’s been a while.” I tapped on the counter, biting my lip while staring at Julie’s closed office door.
“Well, she’s waiting for you. She’s got twenty minutes until her next appointment. Go on in.”
“Thanks.” I reached for the door handle, stopped to wipe my sweaty palms on my cargo skinnies, and then reached again. I’d dodged her calls and ignored her emails. She must be disappointed in me, I thought.Man up, Justin.
Julie peered over the rim of her glasses, giving me a warmhearted smile. It saidwelcome home; you were missed. She set down the paperwork she’d been regarding and rounded her desk to embrace me with open arms. “Justin, it’s good to see you,” she said.
I closed my eyes and rested my chin atop her head. The hug ended, and all too soon.
“Come, have a seat and tell me what brings you here today.”
Dropping the book on the table between us, I opened it to the very last page and pointed to the last sentence, reading out loud, “Today, I am happy to say that most of my alters have been integrated, and I’m able to live a happy and content life. None of this would be possible without the love, strength, and devotion of my wife, Dr. Julie Hayes.”
She smiled at me, and with tears brimming, I said, “You get it. You truly get it, don’t you?”
“If you are asking if I see you, Justin, the answer is yes. I’ve always seen you; I’ve always understood.” Taking hold of my hands and speaking with heavy emotion, she asked, “Are they worth it?”
“Yes. They are.” Without hesitation.
“Then don’t give up because they haven’t,” she said.
We talked for a while about her husband Phillip, who Julie described as kind and gentle.
“We went through many therapists, and nothing was working. They all wanted to medicate him. Some wanted to lock him away. I hated their approach, their indifference. I decided to change majors and worked hard to learn all I needed to in order to save my husband.”
“And the baby?” I asked carefully. She’d miscarried after an altercation with one of Phillip’s alters.
“You know, losing the baby isn’t the part that nearly destroyed me. The guilt for being happy that I had the choice taken away from me is what caused my distress. I didn’t want to bring a baby into that environment. I would never forgive myself if it became collateral damage. I was happy. That happiness caused my heartache.”
“He’s down to two alters now.”
“Yes. Syn and Phillip Junior. His five-year-old self. They don’t seem to want to leave, and we’re okay with that.”
“Thank you.”
Her courage inspired my own. I left her office with a plan and a mission. First, I needed to be there for Sam. But after, I would be there for myself and forthem.
* * *
I drovestraight to the condo in Kisla after Sam’s show, filled with a nervous energy. I planned to stay, to fight, but I also planned to leave. In a sense. Damon would surely think so.
Letting myself in, I called Damon and then Blake’s name and got no answer. I removed my wet shoes at the door and made my way into the living room, feeling uncomfortable about being there.
No, uncomfortable wasn’t the right word. More like uncertain. I was welcomed, I knew, but the place didn’t feel likeoursanymore. I labeled myself an intruder.
Letting down my hair and groaning as the tension slipped away, I sauntered over to the window. Stretching out the kinks in my neck, I closed my eyes and allowed the sound of rain striking glass to put me at ease.
