Page 19 of Surviving the Merge
“We’ll worry about that a little later,” she said. “Can you explain your past role in Damon’s life?”
Blake got right to it. “Damon’s emotionally stunted. He learned early on that weakness served as Emilia’s catnip. He shuts down if anything outside of anger and pissing on his territory is required. It’s how he survived her. Or some semblance of survival. At first, I was someone to talk to or ignore.” His tone was casual, expressing that either option was fine. “A cognizant guest within the fragile framework of his mind.”
“And how did that make you feel?” she asked.
“Like a voyeuristic prisoner lacking agency of my own.” Realizing how acerbic that sounded, he clarified, “I was the part of him that could be vulnerable, rational, and find strength in my fear. My purpose didn’t stray far from that, nor did I know to wish it could.”
Julie crossed her legs and flipped to a clean page in her notepad. “When did you become corporeal?” she asked.
Blake’s hands balled into fists, resting on his knees. I rolled my neck on my shoulders, my own sort of preparation for where we were headed.
“After the move to Chadwick,” he answered.
Julie noticed the shift in the air around us, but she maintained her professionalism. “What significance did that event play on your station?”
I made a move to stand, needing circulation for my building tension. Blake placed a gentle touch on my forearm. “Stay,” he said quietly.
I eased back into place beside him, ensuring that not even air could slide between our bodies where they connected. I ignored the growl of my innards begging for movement, more than happy to suffer in silence for him.
“Two important events happened that summer,” Blake said. “Damon had a growth spurt, and Emilia became pregnant. Now a whole foot taller than her, she could no longer hurt himphysically.” The emotional abuse never ended. “But she’d soon have someone else to inflict her pain upon.”
A blackness that had little to do with the storm brewing outside descended on the room. Blake seemed oblivious to it, too entangled in the retelling of Damon’s hell. But I felt it with every hammering beat of my heart.
“Benjamin was born the following summer. Emilia’s relationship with Travis began to unravel at that point. He spent more and more nights away from home, and she spent more of her nights drinking or scouring town in search of him.
“Damon had been friends with the neighbor's son, Ash, for a while by that point. Even before Benji was born, Damon spent most of his time, outside of school, at Ash’s house. Anything to escape Emilia.
“Ash’s mom worked at a daycare center in town. Damon would have Benji ready for her in the morning, and he’d be sure to be there when she dropped him off in the evenings.” He stopped, not relishing in revealing more.
“Do you need a break?” Julie asked, getting up to retrieve two bottles of water from the small fridge near her desk, then placing them on the table in front of Blake and me. Blake downed half his bottle in one go. Mine sat unmolested. I didn’t think I could keep even water down.
“I’m okay,” Blake said. “Emilia and Travis continued on their downward spiral, and as Benjamin grew, so did his needs. Damon loved Benji, but he struggled to extend his capabilities beyond that of a protector. Benji needed to be nurtured.
“I took my first steps a year after Benjamin was born. No longer were we communicating mind to mind. I became sentient, and Damon maintained total control over the switch.” Predicting her next question, he said, “It felt like the expelling of a long-held breath, like shedding the chains that kept me bound. The lock on my cell had been thrown.” He grunted. “I didn’t know I’d been a captive until Damon set me free.”
For a split second, Julie’s mask of steely purpose slipped. A note of apology flitted across her eyes. Had I not been watching closely, looking for signs that her line of questioning would take a turn, I’d have missed it. The dampness under my arms began to spread its wings, and I rubbed my clammy hands up and down my thighs, hoping the dark denim would absorb the moisture.
“What happened to Benjamin, Blake?” she asked faintly.
Blake poked me with his gaze, the heat of it burning my cheek. I couldn’t turn his way; I wouldn’t have been able to hold it together if I did. Instead, I slid even closer to him, until our bodies touched from shoulder to knee.
Blake’s voice dropped an octave. “One day, Ash wanted Damon to go with him to the school basketball game. Ash’s mom wasn’t home to watch Benji, so Damon told him he couldn’t go. In came Emilia, informing him that Benjamin was her kid, not his, and that she was taking him to surprise his father at work.” He paused. Dreading what came next, I fought to beat back the nausea. Julie remained composed, but the constant crossing and uncrossing of her legs proved that she wasn’t unaffected.
“Damon had a feeling something was off. But he wanted to go with Ash, so he didn’t push. Emilia remained hateful, but she’d stopped drinking, so all should have been fine. Or so he hoped.
“He entered the house later that evening, and the first thing he noticed were bloody handprints along the walls. Really small handprints, really low on the wall. Following the trail into the living room, he found Benji on the floor, and he wasunrecognizable.
“Damon turned on his heels and made his way down the hall to his mother’s room. The next memory I have is of Damon under observation in a hospital. That’s the first time that I’d had a total blackout. I woke up to a great sense of pain coming from him. Not a pain of the body, but one of the mind.
“No longer sentient, we spoke internally. It'd been a while since we spoke to each other in that way, but it seemed to be what he needed. Over the next several days, I was able to piece together what happened from listening to the doctors and the detectives that were in and out. Damon's mother found Travis in the parking lot of his job with another woman. She shot and killed them both. Then went home and killed Benjamin, and then herself.” Blake rubbed at his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Utterly exhausted. “Had Damon been there—”
“She might have killed him too,” I interrupted, stopping his dark thoughts from spiraling. “You don’t know that he could have stopped her. Damon was a kid, not God.”
Blake nodded. “After that, we mostly talked to each other. As time went on, even that became less frequent. An actual switch would happen every now and again, but for short periods of time. Always having to do with smoothing things over with Ash, when Damon’s highhandedness earned him the silent treatment.” Ashton’s mother took Damon in.
“Several years later, it would start to happen more often. After he met Justin.”
I finally met and held Blake’s stare. He reached to run a finger down my cheek, his love for me on full display.
