Page 84 of Surviving the Merge
“He hated me, Julie. That’s how it felt.”
“He hated the place you brought him to, and he needed to retrieve whatever he thought he’d lost while there, from the person that he perceived took it away from him.”
“That would be his mother, and I’m not her. Yet I’m paying for what she did to him.” That came out harsher than intended. “It can be so unbearable.” I managed to get the words out around the anger that choked me.
“How did you feel when you discovered it was Damon that came to you in the shower?”
I held the phone between my shoulder and ear so I could pour another drink. “I don’t know. I wasn’t really feeling much of anything at that point,” I lied.
She sighed. “You know what, you might be right—this might all be too much. You’re having to suffer through all this, and they’ve made no sacrifices for you.” She sounded fatalistic.
The bottle slipped from my upturned hand, its contents splashed onto the table. “That’s not true. Damon left a whole life behind in order to give me a chance at a life that he thought he couldn’t give me. If our roles were reversed, I couldn’t have done it.”
“Yes, but none of this would have happened if Blake hadn’t orchestrated the events that took place in their dorm room that night,” she countered.Did she now believe that?
“Who’s to say where I would be right now if I hadn’t been forced to survive the unimaginable? Blake’s more than made up for what he did.”
“But why should you be forced to stand by them through this? You have your own life to live.”
“It’s not a life without them, and Damon’s been fighting every day to get better. You know this—” I cut myself off. “You know this.”
“And it sounds like you do, too.” Her voice smiled.
Slumping in my chair, I said after a brief pause, “It was worth it.”
“What was, dear?”
“That’s what I thought when Damon held me in the shower. That what happened right before was worth it.”
“And are theystillworth it, Justin?”
Downing my drink and enjoying the burn, I answered with conviction, “Yes.”
22
Lovely Lane was the cul-de-sac that Damon and Ash lived on throughout high school. Damon wouldn’t be particularly happy I was there. Not if he knew why. But it was something I needed to do for the both of us.
I parked the car in front of Ashton’s mother’s house, which sat adjacent to Damon’s old house. Outside, Ms. Jackson waited for me by her mailbox. Getting out, I walked around the car with open arms. “How are you, Ms. Jackson?”
“I keep telling you, you’re not a kid anymore. It’s all right to call me Paula. Ms. Jackson makes me feel old. I hear it enough from the children all day.” She patted my cheek and asked, “How you doing, baby?”
“I’m doing well.”
“Now, don’t you lie to me. A mother always knows.”
“Some days are better than others,” I conceded.
“Damon?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Uh-huh, I knew it.” She ambled up the driveway, expecting me to follow. “Come on in and get you some food before Ashton eats it all.”
My gaze landed on the house next door. So many bad memories it held for Damon. No wonder he found it hard to visit Paula. I wanted to take a wrecking ball to it.
“You coming, Sugar?” she called out, holding the screen door open for me.
I tore my eyes away and moved forward.
