Page 81 of Surviving the Merge
“Sure.” Peering over my shoulder, I winked at Max, which seemed to help relax him. To the untrained eye, it would appear like Damon had plans for my murder.
We entered the bedroom, and I jumped ahead of whatever he had to say. “I’d like to test out the assignment tomorrow night. You’ve stalled long enough. I’ll be there for you every step of the way, Damon. We’re in this together—”
“Fine.”
Too stunned to close my mouth. I had a whole speech practiced and memorized. I had counters for every foreseeable disagreement he could have. I’d prepared for war. “Okay. I’m meeting Sam in the city for lunch tomorrow. I’ll come to the condo after.”
He nodded and waved at me dismissively. Too worked up by whatever was on his mind to care about what he’d just agreed to. “Every time I see you with him, I want to rip you the fuck open. I keep hoping that will change since youinsiston being his friend, but this may be one of those things that simply is what it is.” He moved closer. “If I ever get any indication that he’s trying to be more than friends, I will harm him.”
“Damon, it’s not like—”
“If Ieverget any indication that you return his feelings…” He let the sentence hang, straightening his tie. “Therapy can only take me so far. You’d do well to remember that.”
I stood taller.“Don’t threaten me, Damon.” I playfully plucked his nose. He frowned at that, but I was too happy to get upset with him. “Have you taken your medicine today?” I asked. Knowing he wasn’t on any medication.
Grabbing my hair, he brought his nose to mine. “Don’t make me fuck you, and I won’t cover your mouth. I’ll send you back down there leaking me, saturated with my smell. My scent pouring out of your mouth. A nice littlehe’s minemessage for Mr. Max.”
I scowled at him for mimicking the kids down at the center when saying ‘Mr. Max.’
“I’m not in a playful mood, Just,” he warned.
Pushing him away, I retorted, “When are you ever?”
“I’m going over to Ash’s, then heading to the city. I’ve got another early meeting. I’ll be ready to start Julie’s experiment tomorrow night.”
He’s handling meetings now?Blake was still a no-show then. I did my best to keep my face clear of any signs that the news disheartened me. I gave up the farce once he vacated the bedroom. I closed myself in, resting my forehead against the room door, trying to stave off the panic brewing inside me. I kept reminding myself that things would work out.Remember to be brave.
* * *
I arrivedat the condo ahead of Damon the next evening in an effort to set the mood. I’d chosen the bedroom as our location. I lit candles, put music on, and had a tumbler filled with his favorite scotch waiting for him. I’d already downed a few fingers myself to put a muzzle on the angst.
We didn’t waste time once he got in, wanting to avoid pesky feelings, such as doubt and fear, from taking over. We stood fully dressed facing each other. “We’ll start slow. Run your hands through my hair,” I instructed.
“Like this?” He roughly stroked his hand over my head.
“A little gentler. Yeah, like that,” I said.
“This isn’t difficult at all. It won’t get my prick up, but it’s easy enough to do.”
“Okay, try unbuttoning my shirt and taking it off—slowly.”
“As opposed to prying it from your body?” He raised his brow.
“Yes, exactly.” We laughed, but it was filled with nerves.
He started on the top button, and it didn’t appear to be a challenge for him.
Shirt now on the floor, he looked to me for the next set of instructions, but his eyes weren’t brimming with heat. The assignment was starting to mess with my insecurities. I almost wanted to call it quits and have him take me with force if only to be reassured that he still wanted me.
“Intimacy,” I said. That’s what we were missing. It had nothing to do with soft touching and the slow removal of clothes. Thetypeof intimacy we shared needed to be tested. He needed to be made tofeelsomething while simultaneously doing these things. Something beyond his limits.
“Take off all your clothes,” I told him, and I did the same. I blew out all the candles, turned the music off and the lights on. No distractions. No hiding. I wanted us bare and open in every sense of the word. He peered around, not liking where things were going.
Standing in front of him, so close our toes touched, I retrieved one of his hands and placed it over my heart. The other I brought to my lips and planted open-mouthed kisses to his fingers and palm. We stood like this for a time; I didn’t take my eyes off him.
Damon blew a quick breath, becoming increasingly unsettled. “How long are we going to fucking hold this position, Just?” He wanted to pull away. I could tell by the stiffness of his wrist that I held, the sudden clamminess of his palm beneath my lips. I held him tighter.
“Tell me how you feel about me?”
