Page 71 of Surviving the Merge
I considered what Damon said about me needing Blake, and I admitted to myself that he might’ve been right. I craved Blake’s peace, his softness, his care. I’d been hiding how fragile I was lately because with Damon I had to be made of sterner stuff. But I thirsted to go pliant, if only for a little while.
Resting my forehead against the glass, I shivered at the thought of Blake’s hands running through my hair serenely, of him kissing me everywhere as he removed my clothing one piece at a time. “I miss you,” I said into the space around me.
“I miss you too.”
Startled, I turned to see Blake standing in the foyer, setting his briefcase down. Buttoned up as usual. I tore my gaze away before I lost composure and fell at his feet. I blinked in quick succession to rid my eyes of that drowning sensation.
“You found your way back to me.” A hint of hope in his voice.
It brought me no joy to crush the note of happiness in his tone, but I needed to get something out of the way before we went any further. I faced him head on. “I want a divorce.” Belatedly, I thought to ask, “Can Damon hear us?”
“No,” he said.
I didn’t bother asking how that could be. I had enough to deal with at the moment. “Good. You’re the reasonable one,” I said, with a halfhearted smirk.
Blake moved into the living room, stopping in front of me. He ran that hand I’d been longing for through my hair. Massaging my scalp. I sunk into the touch. Losing the battle to remain poised. I needed him too much. “You’re not upset with me?”
“No. If you want a divorce, I’m sure you have your reasons.”
Backing away in anger, thinking he didn’t even care, I tried to camouflage my hurt feelings with a blank expression.
Taking hold of my chin, he urged me to hold his stare. “I don’t say this in indifference, my love. You’re the most important thing to me. I don’t want to lose you, but I don’t think that’s what you’re saying. Talk to me. Please?”
Resting my palms on his chest, I leaned into him. “I’m ready to put the ugliness of the past behind us. I’m here to fight, Blake, to forgive what I once thought unforgivable. I miss you so much. And I need you,” I choked out. “But we need to start fresh, a clean slate. I married Damon for the wrong reasons. Out of jealousy, his and mine, after we fought each other because of insecurities involving other people. I married him because I wanted to own him, just as much as he wanted to own me. I want a choice now. If it’s going to happen, it needs to be for the right reasons. Do you understand?”
“Yes. I do.”
He tilted my head back, viewing me and wordlessly asking permission. I gave it. The kiss was searching and patient and it ended before we really got started.
“Come, let me take care of you,” he said.
Leading me into the master bath, Blake turned on the faucet to fill the tub with steaming water. He removed my clothing deliberately, kissing me as he went along like I imagined he would.
He bathed me and washed my hair, humming soothingly to me the whole time.
“Get in,” I said, grabbing his wrist. I loved that he didn’t waste time asking trivial questions like “Are you sure?”He stripped off everything and sank in, pulling me around so that my back was to his front. We lounged in companionable silence, idly touching each other, reacquainting ourselves. After a time, I reached back tofeelhim, and my cock twitched, sending a ripple through the water.I don’t care what anyone says—size matters.
Taking the hint, he stood, pulling me with him, and we made our way to the bedroom dripping wet.
Leaning against the headboard, I patiently waited while he lit candles. The rain and thunder were a perfect complement to the intimate moment.
Stroking his slicked cock leisurely, Blake crawled to the middle of the bed, wrapped his hands around my ankles, and tugged me until I lay flat on my back. Folding me in half, he pushed into me with such compassion my cock wept. Licking and biting my nipples, he placed my hands above my head, entwining our fingers.
Mewling into his mouth as he gave me all of him, my emptiness replaced by something spiritual.
“God, I love you.” He gazed down at me like I enabled his heart to beat.
“And I love you. More than anything, Blake.” Flipping him over, I massaged anything I could reach on him, riding him slow but hard. His hands roamed up and down my spine with a silent desperation. He sucked at my hardened nipples, then my neglected lips, using my hair as a veil to hide us from the world. With my arms wrapped tightly around him, my cock trapped between us rubbing at his rigid belly, we made love way into the night. Never leaving each other’s arms. Not even when it was over.
* * *
I’d accompaniedBlake to his appointment with Julie the next day. She knew about my plans to ask for a divorce, and she’d agreed that, if possible, Damon should be informed in session. That was two weeks ago. Damon took the news poorly, and I hadn’t seen him since.
He didn’t understand my reasoning, and frankly, I was beginning to doubt the idea as well.What am I doing?With everything already in turmoil, did I really need to add another log to the fire?I tried unsuccessfully to get him to see that I wasn’t abandoning him. I just wanted to love him without restraints. To stay by choice. I wanted to experience owning myself. To eventually say ‘I do’ from a place of freedom and love. Not from fear and a need to shackle and be shackled.
In the middle of teaching a class, I was consumed by these thoughts to the point of distraction. I put it out of my mind in order to give the kids all of me.
“And one, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, three… aaannnddd cut.”
