Page 60 of Surviving the Merge
“No, you’re not.”
I attempted to circle around in his arms, but his hold tightened like a steel cage.
“What are you going to do? Hold me all night?” I asked, sarcastically.
“That’s exactly what I’m going to do. We’re going to cuddle,” he finished, awkwardly.
“Blake? Are you... what the hell is happening here?” I struggled to break free.
Damon rose to a sitting position, allowing me to face him. “Are you trying to say I’ve never held you before?” he asked, indignantly. And if I wasn’t coming down from my sudden terror, I might’ve appreciated his pinched but adorable expression.
“Doesheld me downcount as holding?” I rested back on my elbows, looking up into his unamused face. “Because if it does, then yeah, you’ve held me more times than I can count.”
“Will you shut up and lay down?” he snarled.
He didn’t give me a chance to answer, again, I found myself being handled, and within seconds, the iron cage was back in place. Like I said,held me down.
“Your hair is too long now.” He groped the strands from root to tip.
“Sam’s going to cut it this weekend.”
“You will not allow her to cut it short,” he demanded.
I shook my head in exasperation at his high-handedness but stopped instantly when I faintly heard him tack on “Please.” Said gruffly, but said.
He resumed his ministrations of my nipples. “You can’t keep doing that if it’s going to go nowhere,” I said, a begging quality to my voice.
His arm slackened a fraction, and before he could speak, I flipped around, threw my leg over his hip, and grabbed the curly hair at his nape to pull him to me. The kiss scorched instantly, never any warm-up between us. We were on our sides, grappling for control, I made an effort to roll him on his back with the intentions of straddling him, but a firm grip on my ass kept me in place. The pillows had all fallen to the floor, and one end of the fitted sheet snapped free from the top right edge of the mattress. I tasted blood; his or mine was anyone's guess. Reaching one of his hands slightly above my ass, Damon snagged the ends of my hair and pulled. “Nnnh…” I yelped as our mouths separated.
“I know what you’re trying to do, and it’s not going to work,” Damon said. Heat tinged his eyes. We caught our breaths, then I washeldagain.
Resigning myself to the fact that he wouldn’t give in, I moved on to something new. “When’s Ashton back in town?” I yawned, no longer hiding my exhaustion. “I haven’t seen him in forever, it seems.”
“Saturday morning,” Damon said.
“Mmmm. How’s work? Wait, who’s been working?” I asked, concerned and curious.
“We both have.“
“Really—”
“Now get some rest.” Damon used his no-compromise voice.
Always so demanding.
* * *
There wereno traces of Damon when I got up the next morning,so I spent the first half of my day sprawled out in the studio readingAll of Us.
It blew my mind to read about some of the things that Phillip had gone through. And his wife stuck by his side through it all. If there was ever an exception to the “for better or worse” vow, what she suffered would be it.
One of Phillip’s alters—Syn—was a sex-addicted lesbian. If Phillip’s wife refused Syn, that would lead to her disappearance, only to be tracked down and found hooking for sex and money, wearing next to nothing and heels.
Sexual repression was Syn’s trigger. Phillip’s unvoiced proclivities that stemmed from being sexually abused as a child. Together, he and his wife redefined their sex life and the roles they both played in it.
Learning about Phillip’s story made me feel a sort of distress of my own. As soon as Blake showed me that he was anything but perfect, I turned my back on him. I didn’t try to understand his side.
No, that wasn’t true. I did see it from his perspective; it just wasn’t a good enough reason to excuse the pain that his actions caused me after the fact. Still, I knew I wouldn’t be walking away. I’d played ignorant to that truth the whole time. But between the debacle with Max, my phone conversation with Sam, andAll of Us, it seemed wasteful to remain unenlightened. The question prevailed: how did we move forward?
