Page 36 of Surviving the Merge
I muttered a reply and hid behind my scotch. I couldn’t wait to get back to our room.
We ended the night with dinner and a nightcap before heading back to our suite where the sexual tension that had been building between us all night came to its conclusion.
Hours later, I turned over, feeling around for Blake. His side of the hotel bed was cold. I stiffened, the last dregs of sleep lifted from my now hyper-alert mind. I waited for him to say something.
Sitting in a corner chair across the dark room, it didn’t take him long.
“You should’ve told me you were moving, Not Blake. I would’ve given you what you wanted. What youneeded.”
Julie was right after all. I scooted back against the headboard, the silk sheet pooled around my waist, and his eyes followed the movement. “Where have you been, Damon?” My voice husky from sleep. Damon spread his legs to gain access to his balls.
“Enjoying the show,” he said.
I couldn’t make out his face in shadow, but his voice held a leer. I was positive his facial expression matched.
“I nearly emerged when your doctor-friend prescribed sleeping pills. But my curiosity won out. It’s always good to know your limitations. Since my last memory prior to Blake falling asleep tonight is of you telling him about your move, I’m going to concede that operation ‘take Damon down’ was a success. A man knows when he’s been outplayed. Backed into a corner.” He shifted a fraction but remained seated.
“Either I give in and agree to share you, or... you walk away.” Disbelief but acceptance laced his words. The realization that I would leave came as a shock to him.
“You’ve shared me before.” I held my breath.
“It’s not the same, and you know it,” he snapped. “I need control. Give and take has never been my job.” He rolled his head. “You want me to be him. But if I’m him, and he’s him, then who’s going to be me?”
Was I imagining the slight tremor in his voice? I leaned forward to get a better look at him, and the sheet slipped lower. A little more of me revealed. Damon’s lidded gaze grew heavier.
“What I want is to live in harmony with the both of you. What I want is to be able to share the same experiences with you both. I have one set of tangible moments with you and one with Blake.” I became impassioned. “I want to feel your gentleness without losing your fire. I want you to fucking tell me I’m not going anywhere but step back and watch me go anyway. Then punish and break me for it when I return, before holding me all night and putting me back together again. And I want you to remember everything, every second of the life we share.”
He rose and began stalking the room. My eyes were fully adjusted to the dark by then. I fought to ignore his nakedness. My stare avoided the spot below his belly button, painted with my dried and crusted seed spilled only a few hours ago. I swallowed down the secretion that filled my cheeks at the thought of licking him clean.
“I am not that man, Just. It won’t work.”
“So, what, you’re not even going to try?” I asked.
He stopped his treading to look at me. “Do I have a choice? Because it doesn’t feel like you’re giving me one.” His words were clipped. He ran his hands through his hair in frustration and resumed his pacing.
Well, I was pissed too. “There’s always a choice! You can fight. And I’ll never stop fighting with you. Or you can quit before you start...” I swallowed hard before saying the last part. “And lose me.”
He didn’t like that.
“You want me to commit to being psychoanalyzed, commit to endless trial and error with medications, and you want me integrated.” His eyes were wild; his body vibrated. “What if in the end, I end up simply being... Blake?” He threw his arms in the air and turned his back to me.
“That’s not possible,” I grated out, about ready to throw something at him.
“How do you know?”
“Because Blake is not a whole person, dammit! This only ends with you both being whole. Any other way isn’t sustainable.” We faced each other, both of our chests rising rapidly within the quiet. I prayed things worked out how I desperately pretended to know they would. I’d have said anything to get him to try.But I can’t lose either part of him.
“Come here,” he commanded abruptly.
“I’m not having sex with you.” My arousal bullied my anger for dominance.This is what he does to me...
“So you’ve been saying. Now, come here.”
“Damon?”
“Do you really want me to come to you?”
I did. I slowly skimmed to the edge of the bed and moved no further. My groin area remained covered, but there was no mistaking the tent pitched under the silk sheet. I said I wasn’t having sex with him,but I’m encouraging him to take it anyway.
