Page 12 of Surviving the Merge
“Feels so good, love,” he said. His fingers reached behind me to rub where we connected.
That was all it took. I dropped, holding still as I began to erupt. Hand still flying, semen going everywhere. “Now,” I told him. “Fill me up.” He swelled within me, and I groaned at the knowledge that his climax fast approached.
Blake got up and splayed me out on the counter. I grabbed his biceps in response. He continued his deep thrusts, hitting my gland repeatedly. My prick lay soft, but I relished the overstimulation. When being fucked, I never wanted it to end. No matter what, I’d take it. No such thing as enough.
He placed tender kisses over my face. “It’s so... damn... tight it hurts.” He brought my legs from around his waist and situated them over his shoulders. Holding onto my hips, he kept me in place and traveled deeper inside me, grunting every time he bottomed out. “I’m... coming.”
“Come, baby. I want to...feel you...” The wet, squelching sounds that came from my ass added a level of filth to the moment.
His hands circled my ankles, and he shoved down until I lay in a split. He leaned back to watch himself move in and out of me. Slow, but thorough. “It’s so pink and pretty, love.”
He licked his lips, and I clenched tight. “Come now, damn it, Ineedit.”
He unloaded in me, pumping nonstop for what felt like an eternity. Every time he pulled back, the excess that couldn’t be contained leaked out of my hole, falling to the edge of the counter. And every time he went back in, another hot jet shot deep to replace what was lost.I live for this.
Afterwards, he fell heavy on top of me, wheezing. “Feed me,” I whispered.
He peered down at me, then reached between us to scoop up what escaped onto the counter. He brought his fingers within licking distance; I lapped at them, sure to get every drop. In a strained voice, I told him, “You taste so good.”
As good as that was, I needed real nourishment. We sat cross-legged in the center of our California King bed with dinner. Our knees brushed. I placed my half-eaten food to the side and leaned back on my palms, watching Blake absently shove food around his plate with his fork. “Talk to me, Blake.”
He startled, the silverware slipping free and rattling against the dish. He opened his mouth, then closed it. I set our food on the floor and then urged him back against the headboard, straddling him. “Talk to me,” I repeated. His eyelids were heavy with exhaustion, and the faint lines around them were more pronounced than normal. I smoothed them out with my fingers.
“What’s the difference between the two of us?” Blake asked.
I contemplated pretending that I didn’t know who he meant by “us.” Or even that I didn’t know what he meant by “difference.” But I respected him too much for that. I took him asking in the first place as a good sign. We’d never spoken this directly about Damon with each other. And Damon never allowed Blake to be a voyeur into our sex life. Blake only received access to deal with the aftermath of it.
“Damon decides what I can and can’t take and for how long. He’s in complete control and uses me how he wants; he’s never gentle about it. Free will doesn’t exist for me with Damon. I have to fight for it, and he’s always up for the challenge,” I said. Blake bristled at what he believed to be my ill-treatment.
“With you, it’s more of a partnership. A give and take. You’re a considerate lover, always mindful of your treatment of me. You’re okay with me making demands. Damon would never allow me to dictate anything sexually.” There were many other ways that they were different. But Blake wasn’t asking about those ways. He wanted to know about thethingthat I couldn’t live without. What he was incapable of providing. “I need what you give me too, Blake. One’s not better than the other.Different,but equally satisfying.”
“But is that what you would prefer? What you get fromhim?” he asked, perplexed.
“No,” I said emphatically. “What I would prefer is balance. His love holds me prisoner, and yours sets me free. But ultimately, you’re one person, so in essence, Blake, you have the ability to both imprison me and free me. Instead of you two fighting each other, let’s figure out a way that you can both have me. Here,” I gestured to our home, “and out there.” I pointed toward the bedroom window. If only my faith in the outcome were as strong as my words implied. But he needed to see my courage in order to find his own.I’m counting on you, Julie.
The cogs turned in his head. Blake had always been reasonable. Able to see the bigger picture. What we were currently doing was not sustainable. “I saw Dr. Stevens today.”
“Did you?” He never mentioned an appointment. “How did it go?”
“He told me he could no longer treat me,” he humphed. “Said it would be unethical.”
Dr. Stevens didn’t specialize in the type of treatment Blake needed. Blake chose him for that reason. He wanted someone to vent to; he didn’t want to be “fixed.” I waited for more.
“He recommended me to an expert in the field of DID.” His chuckle lacked humor.
My hands fell limp at my sides, I sat confused but intrigued. “Who?” I asked.
He gave me a tired smile, the back of his head lightly hitting the headboard. “Guess.”
* * *
We wereable to get a last-minute appointment with Julie the following evening. Entering her office ahead of me, Blake reached out a hand as she approached. “Dr. Hayes, it’s good to finally meet you.”
She smiled. “Please, call me Julie. Have a seat.Bothof you.”
I tore my gaze from the window. “Sothisis how it’s going to be from now on,” I said under my breath, but loud enough for her to hear.
“We have company now. Leaving us over here alone would be rude.” She smiled.
