Page 65 of Surviving the Break
“He doesn’t know when to quit,” he said. “And he exaggerates. We had sex twice, in my bedroom.”
It wasn’t a lie. I did want to fuck Max right here to prove I owned him. I wanted to piss a circle around him, an animalistic ritual to stamp him as marked. It was all I wanted to do these days. I rose to my feet, expanding my broad shoulders like wings. This need had to be attended to.
Max unfolded from his seat with caution. The firelight danced circles in his brown eyes as he searched my face, trying to read me.
“Ash, what—”
“Run,” I said. My gaze flicked into the woods at his back.
He peered over his shoulder. “Ash—”
“I’ll give you a ten-second head start.” I pulled my sweater over my head. Max looked behind him again and then at me. At the flex of my chest, his breath quickened, and he took a step back.
Who is this man that I’ve become?
26
MAX
Iwas under the impression I’d be saying goodbye to my old life and making room in my new one formore.More love, more goodness, more of me. Hayden had other things in mind.
I got to the restaurant, and he was already seated. The hostess showed me over. He stood, nearly knocking the table over. He’d aged since I’d seen him the day prior. His hair in disarray, his shirt inside out, and he could’ve used a shave.
“Are you all right?” I asked, taking my seat.
He laughed, running a quivering hand over his head. “Never been better.”
I let it go. We ordered, and I got right to the chase. “So—”
“I want you back,” he said, looking anywhere but at me. “I told Jacklyn I want a divorce—”
“What?” I lowered my voice, “Did you tell her it was because you wanted me back? Hayden, you know that can’t happen.”
He met my eyes. “Why not?”
“Because you’re married,” I nearly shouted. “And I’m with someone else. And you have achild.” I placed my elbows onto the table, bringing my fingertips to my temple. Typical Hayden. Bored with his new life and on the hunt for his next adventure. To hell with the broken bodies he left in his path. I dropped my hands to search his bag-riddled eyes. Was he truly irredeemable? Did I really waste my pain on him?
“He called you Daddy. That has to be a sign, right?” He reached across the table to take my hands in his. I snatched mine away.
I scoffed, momentarily struck silent at the realization he wasn’t above using his son to manipulate me. Knowing what being a father meant to me. Knowing how much losing Jeremiah hadhurtme.Oh how stupid I have been.“How did I miss how selfish you are?” I whispered, but then remembered the many times he’d have sex with me when we were teenagers, only to then leave to meet up with some girl. The numerous pets he’d loved, then lost. I bet every one of them believed they were the exception because when Hayden had his eyes on you, it was easy to forget all the times they weren’t. “You would truly use your child to get what you want? Have you thought about the effects this would have on his life?”
“Life hasn’t been the same without you.”
I couldn’t help my sad laugh.I’m sorry this is who you were given to, Jeremiah.The damage would be insurmountable.“Hayden, I’m not in love with you, and you’re not in love with me either.”
“I’m not happy. It has to be because I’m supposed to be with you.” A rogue tear escaped, and he swiped it away.
I gave him a pitying look. I expected to find someone smug, ignorant to the pain they’d caused. Happy and carefree. Instead I found a shell of a man. “You’ve never been good at knowing what you want, Hayden.”
He exhaled, fixing his gaze to the table. “No, I guess I haven’t.” He raised his head. “I’ve always wanted you, though. Even when I’ve also wanted other things.”
“Have you ever thought maybe you’re not wired for commitment?”
“All the time. But how do you hold on to something you want, if you’re not willing to sacrifice everything else?” In other words, he wanted his cake with the ability to eat it too. Stifling his need to stuff his cock into something new for the sake of having a family wasn’t working for him. Because that’s what it boiled down to. I wasn’t new, but I’d be an exciting shakeup to his life at the moment. Until loving me got old again.
“You find someone that wants the same things as you. You don’t have to settle for a life you don’t want. You don’t have to try and be something you’re not.” I gazed to the heavens for answers, so frustrated with his self-seeking ability to inflict pain on others. “You have a son now. God… You have awife.Fix things.” The vein running down my forehead protruded and throbbed. It angered me to know he was capable of willingly destroying both his life and mine to satisfy his fickle needs.
“In a perfect world, if we could figure out a way to do this clean, me separating from Jacklyn with shared custody, and you ending things with Ash, would you want to be together, again?”
