Page 68 of Surviving the Break
I heaved forward, but the steering wheel prevented me from folding all the way. I threw the car in drive and dashed out of the parking lot like I had the devil at my back. A block up at the red light, still unable to catch a proper breath, anger began to boil. I’d never been the type of man to run away from a problem. I U-turned on screeching tires, driving back to the root of my pain.
Pulling diagonally into a parking spot and jumping out, I slammed the car door and marched into the hotel lobby. I made it in time to see both Hayden and Max in the elevator. Hayden leaned against the far wall with his arms draped around Max. I rushed forward, but the doors closed before I could slip between them.
“Damn it!” I bashed the elevator call button, hoping to reopen the doors. Too late. The floor indicator showed it was on the move. I paced, waiting for it to stop so I’d know what floor they got off on.Ten.
I banged the call button again, muttering a curse. When the couple that waited with me clutched each other close while giving me strange looks, I opted for the stairs.
Bursting through the stairwell door and onto the tenth floor, I tried to get a hold of myself. The speed with which my heart raced clouded my thoughts. There were several rooms on the floor. I needed a plan.
I placed an ear against the first door, but my panting breaths got in the way of hearing anything on the other side.Fuck.
At the opposite end of the hall, a door opened, and Max stepped out buttoning a shirt—a shirt that wasn’t his. Red veiled my vision, and I raced down the hall. Max didn’t notice me, too fixated on the buttons. When he finally looked up to see me charging like a bull, his face went slack.
“Ash—”
I shoved him into the room and kicked the door closed. “Where is he?” I growled.
We were standing in the seating area of a suite. A sound came from the bedroom, and Hayden came stumbling out. “What the hell—”
I stepped around Max and connected my fist to Hayden’s jaw. He went down, and I followed. I never thought I’d use my hands to hurt someone, but in that moment, I was capable of murder and well within my rights. He’d touched what was mine.
I grabbed the collar of his shirt and tugged him up, pulling my right arm back to deliver another blow, but seeing his head list to the side and his eyes roll back brought me around to my senses. I let go of him, wincing from the pain that shot through my knuckles and up my wrist when I ran my hand over my head. I flexed it in front of me to examine the damage before peering down at Hayden.
“He’ll be okay,” Max said, thinking my gaze on Hayden held concern.
That was the least of my worries at that moment. I urged a babbling Max into the bathroom. I thought back to our first “date” when Max plucked a card and asked if I was a jealous lover.Yes, I guess I am.
“Ash, it’s not what you think.”
I rippedHayden’sshirt from Max’s body. I hated seeing it on him.
“Ash,” he panted. “I didn’t sleep with him.”
“Bullshit.” I paced, agitated.
“Stop for a second and think, dammit.” Sweat dotted his forehead. “I was in here for five minutes, tops.”
Talking and thinking beyond my current mission was out of the question. The zipper of his jeans tore apart beneath my hands, and getting to my knees, I wrenched the heavy denim and his underwear down in one swoop. There were too many things to name that I could do to Max in under five minutes. In my current frame of mind, his reasoning didn’t help. I’d go straight to the source. I’d been glutting myself on his body since arriving in Kentucky. If nothing happened, he’d still smell of me. Still be seeping me.
“I didn’t sleep with him,” he repeated, taking my face between his hands and shaking me. “I would never do that to you.” He barreled on to explain the misunderstanding that landed us in the predicament we were in. “When I got here, Jacklyn had already picked up Jeremiah, but I didn’t know. Hayden was waiting at the bar, and he wouldn’t tell me where the baby was, and then he told me and,” he faltered for a moment, shoring up his courage. “and he kissed me and then vomited on me. The hotel didn’t have a gift shop so I came up to get a shirt. That’s why I’m up here.” He admitted to the kiss without knowing that I’d seen it happen. That’s what ultimately broke through my fog. “The kiss meant nothing to me, Ash.”
My hands limply fell at my sides. I blinked, shook my head, and on legs heavy and unwilling, I dragged myself over to the toilet and dropped onto the closed lid, shaking from the rush of adrenaline. Max watched me with wild eyes, pants disheveled and dread written across his face. Through my tear-obstructed view, I gazed at my bloodied hand that still itched for violence. Hayden moaned in the next room.
Max knelt in front of me. “Say something, Ash. Say you believe me.”
“I believe you,” I whispered. Now that the part of my brain responsible for rational thought had begun to function again, I could see why Max had ended up in Hayden’s room, in Hayden’s shirt. I could see that my fear had created a scenario in my mind of what the kiss had meant to Max. Something else gnawed at me. Causing a ringing in my ears and leaving me weak and trembling.Fear.The reality was that I hadn’t lost Max to Hayden. But one doesn’t reach into a drowning man's ocean, pull him up, tell him he’s no longer drowning, and then expect him to just shake off the wet. I needed time to catch my breath. I needed time to shake off the fear. “I… I have to go.”
He got to his feet, arranging his jeans. “Yeah. Yeah, let’s go.”
“No, Max. I need to be alone. For now.”
He paled, dropping back to his kneeled position. “What are you saying, Ash? You said you believed me.”
“I did. I mean, I do.” I didn’t recognize my meak voice. Faced with the thought that I’d lost Max had taken a sledge hammer to what remained of me.
In a desperate attempt to change things, he kissed me, driving me back against the toilet tank. “Tell me we’re okay,” Max begged.
“I just need a little space. That’s all.” I smiled through the moisture behind my eyes, cradling his jaw in my palms to ease the blow of my words and to convey that the problem wasn’t him. I had to get out of there. The urge to be the one now running burned through my veins. I took in my hands again that now shook from bone-chilling fear. The hands I’d once sworn would do no harm. Who was I now? How fast I’d gone from knowing myself explicitly to doubting the very foundation I was built upon. A stranger now lived in my skin. One who was petrified of ever feeling that kind of pain and loss again.
