Page 51 of Surviving the Break
“It hurts too much,” he sobbed.
My hips picked up speed. “What if I told you I’m not going to finish inside of you?”
His legs tightened around me in response.
“You need me to, don’t you, Max?” I was getting close. My semen barreled toward my tip.
“Yes. I always need it.”
“It means something to you, doesn’t it, Max? When my cum fills you up.”
“It means everything.” His voice broke at the end, causing me to have to read his lips.
“What does it...mean...to you?” The closer I got, the harder it became to speak. The sound of the bed creaking filled the room. Max struggled to turn from me.
“Say it!” I shouted. “Or I won’t let you have it.”
His legs squeezed me to the point of pain.
“What. Does. It. Mean?”
“That you’re mine, and I’m yours.” His voice filled with anguish from having to admit the truth.
“Do you surrender, Max?”
“...Yes.”
That one word propelled me over the edge. We clung to each other as I soared through the storm. Max dug his heels into my ass, whispering into my ear, “Everything. Give me everything.”
I gave it all to him. Because he needed it. Because I was his, and he was mine.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked down at him through blurry eyes. “Damn you for being so stubborn.”
WE SHOWERED,then went down to the hot tub to soak our aching muscles. We’d been sitting opposite each other in silence for the past half hour while Max collected his thoughts and worked up the courage to speak.
“Granddad found love again with his best friend—Uncle Nelson—after Grandma died. My town wasn’t the most progressive place, but seeing so much love and an openness to all kinds of love at home made me brave in a way I couldn’t comprehend back then. If Granddad said it was okay, then it was okay.” He tipped his head back and exhaled; steam from the Jacuzzi floated around him.
“I met Hayden at summer camp one year. I had unknowingly outed myself to everyone on his first day.” He laughed, but it was at odds with the tears pooling in his eyes. “I was eight. He stood up for me when the other kids teased me.” He filled me in on the family portrait he’d made. “We were inseparable after that.Batman and Robin,”he whispered.
“Hayden was straight, but he never cared about my orientation. My feelings for him changed when we got to high school, and I tortured myself watching him go through so many girls. He was that type. Always chasing skirts. Him being a demonstrative person didn’t help. Even at that age, he still spooned me when he slept over. He’d openly give me noogies and raspberry kisses in the halls at school.” His face softened, and he turned away. Ashamed of his moment of weakness. But in that moment, Max was the strongest person I knew.
“Eventually, I told him how I felt. We couldn’t be friends anymore. Not the way we were. Hayden didn’t want to lose what we had, so he decided to give it atry. The experiment wasn’t a success. Hayden remained hetero.” He placed air quotes aroundhetero.“That didn’t stop us from sleeping together in secret. And it didn’t stop him from running through as many girls as he could. He didn’t want to hurt me. I believed that. But he couldn’t change who he was.” He shook his head as if he couldn’t believe he’d fallen for that last part.
“The night of my junior prom, I put an official end to it. I disconnected from the friendship completely. It was the only way. A year later, Granddad died, and Hayden professed his undying love. We were together for the next decade.” He swallowed repeatedly, trying to beat back the emotion and hold his stoicism. “This is where it gets hard.”
I sat unmoving, not wanting to break the purge. Hearing him speak about Hayden filled me with an odd sense of relief. We were finally digging into the problem. The thing that held a vital part of him back from me. I wanted all of him, so Max needed to be freed.
“Four years ago, for a whole year, I worked in secret to build Hayden a home. Our dream home. A four-bedroom, two-story log cabin of sorts. We had plenty of land, a pond…” He blinked and bit down on his bottom lip. “I even built a playground. Thinking ahead, you know?”
I nodded, my muscles tense from the anticipation.
“The house was done the following year, right before his birthday. I brought him there, I had the big red ribbon on the front door, and I got down on one knee in the middle of the driveway and proposed. He accepted. Hayden became emotional once he saw the playground. Having children went without saying.” He met my eyes, his pooling with tears, “I love children.”
I nodded because this I knew. Max had a paternal spirit; he was born to be a father.
“I’d spent many years helping Dad build the business, and Hayden worked his way up the corporate ladder. The time goes by so fast,” he said nostalgically, swiping at his eyes and sniffling.
“We vowed right then to make our future together a priority. We wanted to do things backward, have a kid and then get married. We wanted our child present, in the pictures, a part of the memory of one of the most important days of our lives. It took us a few months to find the surrogate. We wanted the person carrying our child to be a perfect fit. Perfectly aligned with our goals and beliefs. Her name was Jacklyn.”
