Page 49 of Surviving the Break
“Max?” Ash shouted. I picked up my pace. “Max, stop.”
Enraged, I spun to face him. “Is this a fucking game to you, Ash?”
“What are you talking about?” His hands were out at his sides, palms up.
“Do you deny fucking her?” I pointed toward the lounge.
“No. I don’t. I told you that I’ve slept with a few people at the hospital. That’s in the past.” He was still trying to figure out what the problem was. He put on a good performance; I gave him that much.
“So, you sleep with menandwomen?”
“Are you asking me if I’m bisexual?”
I wiped my face clean of any expression, shoring up my stoicism. His look of concern said I was failing miserably.
“Max, were you left for a woman?”
A switch flipped on my rage, and betrayal rode its heels. I backed up a number of feet, needing more distance between us. Fog billowed as my breath punched through my mouth due to the cold winter night. “We’re talking about you here,” I snapped, running my hands from my head to the nape of my neck. Crazed and unable to slow my thoughts.
Ash slipped his hands in his pockets. His anger simmered under the cool tone of his calm and measured words. “I don’t label myself, Max. My attraction to people isn’t based on gender. I’ve never lied to you—”
“You’ve never told me the truth either!” I was wild with hurt and righteous anger; heat raced from my neck to the tips of my ears.
“It’s never come up, Max.”
I laughed. It started out as a small, simple thing and swiftly escalated to something wrenching and uncontrollable. My core hollowed out by deception. I’d been on guard, protecting myself, even if only a little bit as of late. It wasn’t supposed to hurt as much. “We’ve talked abouteverything, Ash. You’ve definitely had plenty of segues.” My mind flashed back to what I’d seen minutes ago. “And what was that at the bar just now? Do you miss licking her cun—”
“Enough!” he shouted, before looking around. “That’s beneath you, Max. And pretty rich of you to say we’ve talked abouteverything.” He humphed. “Let’s take this discussion to my place.” He unlocked his car doors with the key fob.
“I’m not going anywhere with you.” I walked off in the opposite direction.
“Max,” he called. I ignored him.
“Max.” His voice raised. I kept moving.
“Maximilian!” he roared as I neared the corner.
A noose dropped around my chest and arms, tightening until even the air in my lungs couldn’t move. Rooted to the spot, all I could do was struggle to breathe. I cursed myself for needing to obey him. The soles of his shoes beat against the concrete. My back was to him until it wasn’t.
“This ends tonight. Do you hear me, Max?” He waited for an answer that never came. “I need the truth. We’ve been dancing around this for too long.”
I stepped back. “Give me some space. Jesus, Ash.”
He turned from me, laughing without humor, looking to the sky. “Space.” He faced me again. “How long are you going to allow what he did to you to consume your life?”
I’d never given him details about my breakup, but anyone who watched me as closely as Ash did would know it was the driving force in my need to run.
“Your inability to let go is not proof that you survived, Max. Quite the contrary.”
Every encounter with Ash flayed some piece of me, and this time was no different. His statement pressed against the makeshift walls I’d had to put in place under such short notice. I needed time to reinforce them. They would not survive around Ash much longer. A breakdown was impending.
His next words were written in stone. “You want space? I’ll give you five feet. Take all the time you need. Then we’re talking.”
“You can’t bully me, Ash. I need time to think.” I’d say anything to get away from him.
“You mean time to run, don’t you? Aren’t your legs tired by now, Max?”
I refused to speak. Praying for something or someone to interrupt the moment. A call from the hospital. Anything.
