Page 47 of Surviving the Break
Ash made me feel uninhibited sexually. He egged me on to go at him unrestrained, and nothing that he or I wanted from each other was ever too depraved to express. He liberated my body. My mind was on the fast track to freedom too, but my heart still hid behind shelter. I had an idea what it would take to change that, but going home to revisit the past wasn’t something I was prepared to do just yet, if ever.
Ash wouldn’t rest until he’d peeled back my layers. And not a minute before my innards were exposed, leaving me identifiable only as human. Bare-boned and eviscerated. He was nothing like Hayden. Trusting that he wouldn’t willfully deceive me became easier by the second.
We pulled up to the theater, and I hopped out to find Pete while Ash parked his car. I tugged at the neck of my shirt. Wearing a tuxedo was an adjustment when my standard attire consisted of paint-splattered jeans, t-shirts, and concrete-laden boots. Ash nearly went back on his delayed gratification plan when I stepped out of the bedroom dressed. And although tempted to push him off the cliff, I wanted to see what losing control looked like on Ash.
I jogged up the pale stone mausoleum steps, past the line of Greek pillars, and walked through the heavy, tall bronzed doors. The Ballet House bustled with activity. People milled about the marbled foyer with its far-reaching ceilings, and the entryways that led into the theatre auditorium were draped in thick, burgundy, velvet curtains that dragged along the floor. I parted one down the middle and stepped through. I’d never been there before, and I hadn’t understood the magnitude of what this night would do for Pete until that moment.
People were filling their seats, but I needed to find Pete before the show began. I went in search of how to get backstage.
“Did you find him?” Ash approached, buttoning the jacket of his tux.
“I’m looking for someone who can point me backstage.”
“This way. I attended all of Justin’s big performances.”
The crew ran back and forth, shouting instructions into the mouthpieces of their headsets, and rolling racks filled with costumes were shuffled from one place to another. I spotted Pete talking to his mom and Justin at the other end. Ash and I maneuvered our way over to them.
“Max!” Pete came rushing over, throwing himself into me. “You’re here.”
“Of course I’m here. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Well, I haven’t seen you much lately.” He playfully ruffled my hair like I so often did to him.
My face fell. “Have I been neglecting you, Pete?”
He rolled his eyes and his head. “I’m joking, duh. I’m glad you’ve finally given Ash a shot.” He shook my shoulders when I remained wide-eyed and mute. “Max, I was kidding. You haven’t been neglecting me. Get a grip, will you?”
“Okay,” I said. “But this weekend it’s you and me.”
“Yeah, yeah, fine.” He shook his head, grinning. He had grown a couple inches too, and gained another notch of confidence. I’d missed so much.
Hit by a wave of emotion, I said, “I’m so proud of you, Pete. Look at how far you’ve gotten.” This wasn’t the same introverted kid from so many moons ago. Dancing and being allowed to live his authentic life had worked wonders on him. “You’re going to kill it.” I choked up at the end, and we embraced again. We joined the rest of our group, and all heads turned when Pete’s name was squealed at maximum volume. A few of us cupped our ears. Sam had arrived.
She barreled over like hurricane winds. Wild, dark curly locks flying, her toothy smile, that reduced her cocoa-brown eyes to slits, on full display. She stopped in front of Pete with her arms raised, ready to pinch his cheeks. He intercepted her wrists and brought them to her sides.
“I’m not a little boy anymore,” he said to her gently. Justin and I shared a look.
“Oh. Okay...” she said.
Pete bent down and hugged her before being called on stage. “It’s showtime.”
We all stumbled over each other to get to our seats.
“ICAN’T BELIEVEhow good he is.” The show had ended, and Ash and I were on our way to his holiday party. “I can’t believe that’s the same scared, broken kid that I met over a year ago. He’s changed so much, and not just his appearance.”
“You should be proud of yourself.” He took one hand off the steering wheel to squeeze my knee. “He couldn’t have done it without you. You’re great with him. With all the kids, Max.”
“Yeah. So, where’s this party at?”
“A jazz lounge not too far from my place. Most of the doctors live in my area. It’s close to the hospital.”
When Ash extended the invitation, I’d asked if I would be running into any of his past flings. Doctors worked long hours and didn’t always have opportunities to enjoy a social life. It was understandable that he might’ve established a friends-with-benefits situation on the job. He admitted to a few casual hookups—some one-night stands, some more frequent. Nothing more severe than that, and no one had ever been to his bed—besides me. I tried not to see the night as an opportunity to stake my claim. I wanted to be a mature adult.
We parked at the curb in front; jazz music trickled outside.
A live band played on a small stage next to the front entrance. Gold hard surfaces and navy-blue velvet decor set the mood in the dimly lit space. Ash made quick introductions and then found us a seat at the bar.
“Shouldn’t you be making chitchat?” I asked as the bartender made our drinks.
