Page 43 of Surviving the Break
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WHENASH INVITEDme to dinner at his mother’s the next day, I almost folded. When I’d said I was ready to meet her, I meant eventually, somewhere down the line, in the future. Not twenty-four hours later. To be fair, he didn’t pressure me, but, not wanting to show an ounce of hesitation after how well things had been progressing between us, I agreed.
“Max, we’ve been sitting in the driveway for fifteen minutes now. It’s okay if you’re not ready.” The blinds at the front window had moved at least three times since we pulled up to the house.
“No. I’m ready. I just don’t want to fuck it up.” I tapped my foot, drumming my fingers over my knee.
“That’s not possible. My mother loves everyone.” He cut the engine and got out of the car. I followed him inside.
“It’s about time you two came in,” Ms. Jackson said, coming from the kitchen. “Hi, baby.” She beckoned Ash down for a kiss.
Ash forgot to mention his mother was stunning. Petite with gray hair flowing past her shoulders, her skin smooth. The tone matched her son’s. She looked too young to be his mother, but she moved like she wouldn’t be rushed and oozed an earthy vitality and wisdom akin to nature. It scared me shitless.
“You must be Max. I’ve heard so much about you, sweetie.”
“It’s nice to meet you.” I smoothed down the front of my shirt.
“Let’s get out of this dark hallway so I can see you better. My eyes aren’t as good as they used to be. Come on into the kitchen. I’m finishing up the food.”
Nothing on her wasn’t as good as it used to be. Wise beyond her years, for sure. But underneath the endearments lay a sharp woman.
“Okay, now let me look at you.” She did so, then turned to Ash. “Are you sure he’s legal?”
We laughed. “I’m only a year younger than your son, ma’am.”
Ms. Jackson stepped back, taking me in. “If you say so.” She smacked Ash’s hand away from her steaming pot. “I forgot the biscuits. Can you run down the road to the market and get some?”
Ash opened his mouth to argue but looked between me and his mother and nodded. “I’ll be back.”
“Take your time, baby.” The front door closed, and she faced me. “Let’s sit down and get to know each other, Max. And please, call me Paula.”
“Yes ma’am, ah, Paula,” I corrected. Her eyes danced with amusement, and it pulled me in, loosened my limbs.This is where Ash gets it from.
Paula didn’t waste time getting to the heart of things. “My son has never spoken to me about anyone he’s been interested in, and he’s never brought anyone home. I was beginning to think all hope was lost for grandbabies. Lord knows Damon won’t be having any children. And then one day he started smiling and wouldn’t stop. The poor boy even smiled at the walls.”
The thought made my stomach flutter. Weeks ago, that would’ve been a bad thing; now, I wasn’t so sure. “You raised an amazing man.”
“I did.” She waited, wanting more from me.
I let out a breath and decided to spread my cards on the table. “My last relationship didn’t end well. I’m afraid to trust a good thing. Afraid to expose myself. But I’d like to try.” I sat forward, then back again. “Ash can be honest to a fault, and I want to be able to do the same. Before him, I thought of myself as an honest person.” I gave a disbelieving grunt. “He’s shown me there are layers to being truthful. It would be easier if he wasn’t so perfect.”
Paula rested a hand on top of mine, halting my fidgeting fingers. “Ash is an emotionally healthy person. He rarely suffers from doubt, and he doesn’t like to hide. He wasn’t always that way. Life experiences helped shape him, and he figured out early on to learn from his lessons and then let go.”
“You mean learn from his mistakes?”
“A lesson is never a mistake,” she said with a soft conviction.
You heard people talk all the time about anah-hamoment, but until then, I’d never had one. “How does one get over being hurt by the person that promised to love them forever?”
“By learning how to be loved again.” She smiled. “Loving others is the easy part. Allowing them to love you in return is where the real work comes in. They can’t love what they don’t truly know. You need to have the courage to let him in.” The sun had settled, and Paula walked over to the window to close the blinds. “I used to tell Ash when he was a boy to find his ‘worth it.’ When things get hard, and you feel like giving up, you ask yourself: is the reward worth it? All the pain, the sleepless nights, the losses, the moments of heartache. Is the victory worth it? If so, you never give up. I was my mother’s worth it, and Ash is mine.”
“Can you have more than one worth it?”
“Sure. You can have as many as you want, but I only ever needed one. Everything I endured was for Ash.”
Talking to her could’ve easily become a hobby. “I see why they love you so much,” I said, and her laugh reminded me of coming in from the cold.
“Come and help me roll these biscuits, sugar.” She smirked devilishly at my confusion. “Ash bought biscuits for me yesterday. I’m sure he’s sitting in the car, giving us some time.”
