Page 42 of Surviving the Break
“Damon told me what happened,” I said. Ash lay sprawled between my legs on the floor, my back against the bed, his back to my chest, both of us sticky and uncaring.
I’d never seen him solemn. He obviously needed some time to ground himself after the events from the day, then the nightmare, then the fucking.
I couldn’t get here fast enough after Damon left my house, barely giving Ash’s doorman a glance as I raced through the building lobby. I berated myself the whole elevator ride up. Ash had needed me today, and I wasn’t there.I wasn’t there for him.And not because the choice to be was out of my hands, but because I’d been avoiding him. My fear had won again. “It hit you hard.”
“Yeah,” he sighed. “As a doctor, you have to learn quickly how to detach your emotions from your job. You also need to be empathetic and compassionate. A tough combination to juggle. An easier task at the hospital. My patients there can afford quality healthcare, and they come in with familial support. At the clinic...these girls have no one. They’re scared, and alone. It’s hard to keep my distance, you know?”
“I do.” I rested a heavy palm on his hip. Both as a silent sign of support and an encouragement for him to continue.I’m here now. He rolled away from me, pulling me up and onto the bed, I held him, tucking his head under my chin. “Why didn’t you call me?”
“I wanted to.” His breath skated across my neck. “Would you have answered?”
I had no response for that. I would have, had I known what happened, but I didn’t find out until late into the night. “From this moment on, I will.”
He moved to his back, turning his disbelieving gaze to the ceiling, and I hauled my body flush on top of his, holding on to his jaw so he couldn’t turn away. “You will call me. Always. I don’t care if this thing between us goes everywhere or nowhere. No matter what, I’ll be there for you. I’ll drop everything for you.” The truth of my words slammed into me like a blow to my solar plexus. I would do anything for this man because in spite of my fears around committing to him, he’d become my friend, and I stood by my friends. “Say it,” I demanded. “Say you’ll reach for me. Always.” My eyes remained fixed on his as my hand felt around the bed. Once slicked, I slid into him. “Say it, Ash.”
“Always...” he said. His eyes rolled back as I thrust deeply.
“Yes. Always,” I reinforced.
ASHand I grew closer over the next several weeks. We met up for lunch when we could, we texted all day, and when either of us had a day off or downtime, we spent it in support of what the other held dear to their heart. I was on a first-name basis with everyone at the clinic, and Ash sat in on more carpentry classes at The Center, even making me a toolbox with a janky lid. Most importantly, we never spent another night apart. Ash had become fundamental to my wellbeing now, and the box in my bedside drawer found a new home at the bottom of a storage bin in the garage.
“You look sexy in glasses.” Ash and I lounged on opposite sides of his couch playing footsie. Who knew I had it in me to do so? We were both engrossed in what we were reading, and Pluto pressed against Ash’s side looking on. Seemed like medical journals were my dog's thing.
“Are you screwing with me?” Ash asked, looking at me from above the rim of his spectacles.
“I’m serious. You’re like a nerdy Clark Kent, except you’re a doctor.”
He smiled and dramatically ripped his glasses off. “And without them I’m Superman?”
“Has anyone ever complimented you on your modesty?” I chuckled.
“Never.” Letting his tome fall against his chest, he asked, “What are your parents like?” Pluto made a disgruntled sound as if the book had been closed on the best part. Ash absently stroked his belly, settling him down.
“They're the best parents anyone could ever ask for.” I slid my own book to the floor and settled deeper into the sofa. “I learned how to build from my dad, and he’d learned from my grandmother.” Surprise lit up Ash's face. “Yup. My grandma was hired to oversee the renovations on the farm after my great-granddad died. This was back before it was cool for women to be doing a ‘man’s’ job. Grandma was a pioneer. She stepped foot on the farm and never left. The first and only woman that Granddad ever loved.”
“So, your grandfather died, and your father decided life was too short to not do what you loved? Sold the farm and opened a construction business?” Ash positioned himself so he could place my feet in his lap and massage them.
“Pretty much. The farm’s still in the family, in a sense, and we get shares of the business profits. We sold it to a longtime farmhand. I’ve been close friends with his son since childhood.”
“Ryan, right? You mentioned him once.” He yawned. “And your mom?”
I wasn’t situated properly to touch him, but I wanted to. I’d seen football fields smaller than Ash’s couch. “My mom, like yours, is a nurturer. She can mend anything.” Even a broken heart. I ran from her too. Would she ever forgive me?
“And your granddad was your shooting star?”
I nodded, not trusting my voice.
“Max?” His hands on my feet began to falter as his eyelids drooped.
“Hmm?”
“I’d like you to meet my mom.”
I waited for the pounding of my heart to begin. For my mouth to run dry, for my hands to clam up, and for that little voice in my head to screamdanger. Sometimes, these things couldn’t be rushed. Sometimes, they crept up on you. Closing my eyes, I searched deep within every crevice of me to ensure my fear wasn’t hiding behind some unsealed door, tenaciously waiting for an inopportune time to show its face. I felt nothing. No, I feltpeace.
“I’m ready.” Silence. I looked over, and both Pluto and Ash were fast asleep. I moved soundlessly to my knees and crawled over to kiss them both. Ash’s eyes opened sluggishly, and he gave me a lazy grin before pulling me down to sandwich Pluto.
Pluto stirred and licked my face, while Ash covered us all with the sofa throw and pulled me closer.
