Page 106 of The Christmas Invitation
‘It’s starting to look as if the weather forecast got it right: heavy fall of snow overnight on the moors,’ Lex said. ‘So if Flora doesn’t want to be stuck with Rollo for longer than one night, it’s to be hoped she’s halfway to the pub by now.’
‘That’s what I thought. I’m still furious with him for turning up, because I’d already told him I never wanted to see or hear from him again after he rang Clara that time.’
‘I don’t think he got the message,andit sounds as if he’s been spinning Flora a tale about being in a relationship with you.’
He had, of course, but I wondered now if his survival instinct had kicked in when he’d met Flora at the pub, warning him that he’d better tell her he was involved with someone else?
As we drove through the village, the only sign of life was a few lit windows, including those at Preciousss.
‘We can park by the Sailing Club under the pine trees for a bit, where it’s sheltered,’ Lex said, turning down a track that ran through the woods until he pulled up facing the glimmering reservoir, next to the dark outline of a building, and cut the lights.
It was a bit like the start of a murder mystery … but perhaps we’d already had act one? As we’d driven here I’d let my mind go back to that awful moment when I’d almost fallen and, no matter how irrational it might be, I was sure I hadn’t imagined the hard shove of two hands in the small of my back.
Lex switched on the interior light, which shed a dim glow, and turned to face me. He seemed to sense what I was thinking, which was disconcerting.
‘Do you still think someone tried to push you off the hill tonight?’
I answered indirectly. ‘I don’t see why on earth anyone would, unless you have a local practical joker.’
‘No, and it would have been way beyond a joke if you’d fallen down there.’
I shivered. ‘Then it must have been an accident. And anyway,’ I said, getting my resolve together, ‘that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about. River said it was time I told you exactly what happened between us that night you came back to my flat. Not that I haven’ttriedalready,’ I added tartly.
‘But I already do know what happened – or enough. What good will it do to rake over the ashes now?’
‘But youdon’tknow, that’s the whole point,’ I said forcefully. ‘You onlythinkyou know. You and Al built up a whole picture from a few pieces without asking me for my side of it.’
He sighed, running one hand through his already tangled hair, his handsome, dark, hawk face brooding in the dim light.
‘Look, we’d both had a lot to drink that night, Meg, and I’ve already said I don’t blame you for what happened, but myself for getting so drunk that I didn’t really know what I was doing.’
‘You don’t actually have anything to blame me for, magnanimous though it is of you,’ I said sarcastically, but he was back in the past and swallowed up in a sea of old guilt.
‘If Al hadn’t managed to track me down, I might have got there too late to see Lisa. I can’t bear to think of that!’
‘Yes, I know,’ I said, softening slightly. ‘But you’d been under a lot of strain for weeks and you’d no way of knowing she’d need you that night. Now, perhaps you’d like to stop wallowing in guilt for a few minutes and just listen.’
That was harsh, but it got through, because he said tightly, ‘You’re obviously determined to go through it all again, so let’s get it over with.’
‘I don’t know how much you recall about the start of that evening we met in the wine bar,’ I said. ‘When I went in with a group of my friends, you and Al were already there and you insisted we join you. You’d already had quite a bit to drink by then.’
‘I was trying to blank out what was happening for a few hours.’ He rubbed his forehead as if his memory hurt him. ‘Lisa had finally had to go into the hospice and her parents had come down that day to be with her … so rather than let me go home on my own, Al took me out for a drink.’
‘Which turned into several drinks,’ I said. ‘I’d had a couple myself, but then switched to coffee when the others left and we stayed behind, talking.’
‘Al had a job as a hotel night porter, so he had to go, too. I remember that part … and when they’d all left you told me your boyfriend had just dumped you by email – was that Rollo?’
I nodded. ‘Yes, the first, but not the last, time. I was mad to give him a second chance.’ And a third and final one.
‘It starts to get hazy after that,’ Lex admitted. ‘I think … I talked to you about Lisa.’
‘You totally unburdened yourself on the subject,’ I said frankly. ‘All about how you’d supported her decision not to have chemo in the face of her parents’ wishes, because the chance of it working had been so slim and she’d wanted to enjoy what life she had left. And how guilty you felt about it, after she’d worsened so quickly.’
‘I really did bare my soul, didn’t I?’ he said wryly. ‘I knew we’d talked a bit, but I didn’t realize how much I’d told you.’
‘I thought that was why you turned and walked away the next time I saw you – because you felt embarrassed about having told me so much personal stuff.’
‘No, it wasn’t that. I hadn’t remembered what I’d said.’
