Page 92 of The Christmas Invitation
‘Don’t worry, we all pad up before the ceremony,’ Henry assured me. ‘I’ve had a thought, too: would you like to take part in the ceremony itself, River? Only, we lost our Old Winter and my nephew, Lex, had to take the part last year. He’s too tall for the costume really and I know he’d rather watch than be in it.’
Clara suggested that if River took the part, he should wear his own robes, but with Old Winter’s mistletoe crown.
River was, of course, delighted by the idea and Henry promised to explain the proceedings and the part he’d play in them later.
I showed River to his room and on the way up he admired the tree and all the baubles. ‘The smell of pine is very invigorating,’ he said, inhaling deeply through his small, patrician nose.
River’s room looked out on to the back garden and I thought that once Lex and Sybil arrived, the house would be quite full up. No other visitors were expected so we could draw up a virtual drawbridge and let the revels commence.
While I unpacked and stowed away River’s various strange garments and footwear, packets of twiggy stuff, sachets of herbal powders, crystals and other vital travelling accessories,he sat on the bed, cross-legged, and listened as I told him the whole sorry tale about the night Lex came back to my flat and what happened – ordidn’thappen – after that. And then the scene later, when his friend Al had cornered me in college and flung vile accusations at me, without giving me a chance to defend myself.
It was easier to tell him while I was moving around the room with my back to him, engaged in putting things away, but finally I turned and looked into his calm, deep celestial-blue and strangely innocent eyes.
‘I see,’ he said. ‘They assumed the worst, even though you acted for the best, and then gave you no chance to explain.’
‘I think I probably looked a bit guilty when Al cornered me, because therehadbeen a moment that night when I’d been tempted …’ I confessed, going for broke. ‘I thought Lex was totally out of it, but he surfaced long enough to kiss me. It was only a split second before I realized what I was doing and pulled away, and by then he was out for the count again.’
‘I think you can wipe that off your conscience entirely, Meg,’ he said, as if it was a dirty mark on a plate. ‘As to the rest, if he didn’t fully recollect what happened that night, then he should have talked toyouabout it, rather than his friend.’
‘Yes, that’s what I thought. Instead, he’s let all this unnecessary guilt fester away over the years.’
‘So of course, he wouldn’t be pleased when you suddenly turned up at the Red House.’
That was the understatement of the year.
‘He looked angry and horrified! Over the years he must have built up a picture of me in his mind that really isn’t like me at all. Now he’s faced with the reality, I can see he’s finding it increasingly difficult to square the two.’
‘I should think he would!’ River said. ‘Since you say you knew him before the events of that night, he should have realized you wouldn’t have acted in the manner he accused you of.’
‘I think I just added another layer to his whole guilt trip over Lisa,’ I said. ‘I mean, that night in the wine bar he told me he and Lisa had married so he’d have the right to insist she didn’t have chemotherapy, which she didn’t want, but her parents were insisting on. There wouldn’t have been much chance of it working in her case anyway, but when she deteriorated so quickly and had to go into the hospice, he was convinced that she’d probably have survived if she’d had it. Another guilt trip.’
‘That was a heavy load to bear,’ River said sympathetically. ‘But he did the right thing in letting her choose.’
‘Her parents didn’t see it like that, and they were with her at the hospice that night when Lex came back to my flat. Then they couldn’t contact him when Lisa took a sudden turn for the worse … It took Al to track him down, sober him up and take him there.’
River thought it all over. ‘So Lex would feel guilt at not being there when he was needed, as well as guilt over what he thinks you did together?’
‘But I didn’t realize any of that, the day he came into college after it was all over. When he turned and walked away the moment he saw me, I thought perhaps it was because he’d poured his heart out to me in the wine bar and felt embarrassed about it. People do often avoid you, after doing that.’
‘That’s very true,’ he agreed.
‘It was only what Al said later that made me realize Lex had got totally the wrong idea about what we’d done in my flat. It was horrible.’
‘I wish I’d known all this at the time, because I could have gone to London, sought out these young men, and put them right.’
I was very sure he would have done, too, but would they have believed him?
‘The only person who’s known about it all along is Fliss. She was the one who insisted I told you now.’
‘Very sensible,’ he approved. ‘She’s been a good friend to you.’
‘She said you’d know what to do … Oh, and there’s something else I didn’t tell you,’ I added, remembering. ‘Al is now Lex’s business partner in a pottery near here, and he’s married to Lisa’s younger sister! Henry took me to the pottery a few days ago and it was obvious Al had told her – Tara – all about it.’
River shook his head. ‘Al sounds a rash and thoughtless person, lacking in empathy for others.’
‘Yes, though I suppose in his way he’s just being a good friend to Lex, and Lexdidapologize later for the way Al and Tara spoke to me.’
‘What is Lex’s attitude to the news that you are now a member of the family?’
