Page 119 of The House of Hopes and Dreams
There had been earlier dwellings in that place, though little remained other than a stone tower. But various additions to the house had been made piecemeal, which had enlarged it without adding greatly to its convenience.
I had been allowed to bring with me Dorcas, the faithful maid who had been my prop and support throughout all my misfortunes. Shewas now of middle age and of severe manner, but sincerely attached both to myself and Lydia.
The other female servants at Mossby were none of them young and not overly friendly, so I was glad of Dorcas’ company. Phillip, however, was most attentive and kind and I hoped soon to form pleasant acquaintances among the other local families, especially those with daughters of an age with Lydia.
We had been married some months when I told my husband that I was with child. He expressed great delight at the thought of an heir, so that I worried that I might prove to be carrying another girl … but then, all men seem to desire a boy to carry on their line.
When I went to tell Lydia, she asked me if I was happy in my marriage, which I thought strange, but assured her I was. Then when I told her she was to have a little brother or sister, she kissed me and said she was glad, though I noted that she was very quiet thereafter.
My husband ceased to come to my bed, once he knew I was with child, though he continued to be kind and concerned for my good health. Dorcas, in whom I confided all, told me that many men were thus, but all would be well again after the baby’s arrival.
It was about this time that I noticed Lydia seemed to have taken my husband in sudden dislike, though he positively doted on her, and gave her many gifts including a fine grey pony. I thought perhaps he teased her too much, for she was a young lady of thirteen now and more conscious of her dignity. But I was engrossed with Phillip, my growing babe and my household duties, so that it was some time before I began to worry that something ailed her, for by then she had grown thin, pale and nervous.
Her antipathy towards Phillip grew and I could not understand it, especially when he was so kind to her, nor would she explain herself when asked.
How blinded by love I was!
‘I’m starting to have a bad feeling about where this is heading,’ I said. ‘It all started out so well, with Cinderella rescued by the handsome prince, but now …’
‘I know what you mean – though I’m hoping I’m wrong,’ Carey agreed.
There was increasing unrest and conflict in the country and while Phillip and my uncle had once both declared for the King, my uncle had now changed his mind and thrown in his lot with Cromwell. Many families were thus divided in loyalty during this time.
Phillip prepared to answer the King’s call to arms when it came – indeed he showed some relish for the thought of fighting – and said he would leave me in charge of Mossby when he should be absent. To this end, he showed me the way of opening those secret ways and passages in the house that could conceal any fugitive requiring concealment. Some valuable trinkets, including a fabulous jewel bestowed upon one of his ancestors by Queen Elizabeth, were hidden in one of them, the opening cunningly built into the carved head of my bed, which was in the chamber next to the old tower.
Another place of concealment and escape also opened from this room. On pressing a certain part of the panelling to the right side of the fireplace while twisting a carved boss above it, a door would open on to a narrow stair that led down to the cellar – and from thence, via a tunnel, to one of the lower terraces. But should the boss be turned to the left rather than the right, the topmost step would fall away, so that anyone standing there would be precipitated straight down to the cellar. When Phillip told me this, I shuddered.
One night soon after he had showed me these things, I was awoken by a dreadful scream and started up, as did Dorcas who, since I had been feeling often sickly in the night had been asleep on a truckle bed in my chamber. I knew my child’s voice instantly andthrowing on a bedrobe hurried to her room. A candlestick on the press inside showed me Phillip standing over the bed, my daughter hysterical and wide-eyed. He explained that he’d heard the scream and hurried hence, but thought it perhaps a nightmare and would leave Dorcas and I to calm her fears.
When I asked her why she had screamed, she said it had been a night horror and I took her to my bed for the rest of the night. Next day, Dorcas suggested she should continue in this until my time was near, which seemed meet to me.
Lydia has had no return of the night horrors, but is become like a small, nervous ghost of her former lively, cheerful self. My first husband was subject to fits of the melancholy, in which I hoped my child had not followed him and wished a doctor to see her, but Phillip said it was merely the megrims and would pass …
But Dorcas was as concerned as I, and watches over her as much as her duties allow.
I wished our neighbours had been more willing to return my calls, for then Lydia might have had some young company to cheer her.
When Phillip received a messenger and told me he was off to fight the very next day, he seemed both excited and pleased. But my mind was filled with fear and turmoil, so that instead of resting in my chamber that afternoon, as he suggested, I persuaded Lydia to take a turn on the terrace with me.
The wind proved sharper than I expected and she went in to fetch a warm cloak for me – but when she did not immediately return, I followed her in – and thence, hearing a muffled cry and the sound of a struggle, to the muniment room, where a most terrible sight met my eyes.
Lydia, Phillip’s hand covering her mouth, was attempting to escape from what were clearly the vilest of intentions on my husband’s part. His face, thickened with lust, was one I had neverseen before … The scales fell from my eyes in an instant and I realized that my husband was the vilest of monsters.
‘Phillip, what goes on here?’ I exclaimed, and on an instant he had let her go, his face changing to the bright, open expression I had known and loved so well.
‘Thank God you are come, my love,’ he said. ‘Lydia was faint, so I brought her in here and she began to cry out as she came round. I start to think she must be prone to fits where her wits are disordered and if so, we must keep this very quiet, if she is to find a husband.’
‘A husband of her own?’ I heard my voice say.
‘Mother’, cried Lydia, her face ashen, ‘I—’
‘Hush,’ I said, gathering my child into my arms, close against her unborn sibling … the child of this monster. ‘Come, we will go to my bedchamber.’
I didn’t look again at my husband, but late, when I left her in Dorcas’ care, Phillip did his utmost to persuade me I was the monster for imagining such terrible things. I was unmoved and at last he grew angry and declared that when he returned from the fight, he would know how to deal with me.
I felt then my helplessness: for I was his wife, his chattel, and who was there to take my part?
I barred the chamber door against him and did not open it again until assured that he had ridden off to join the King’s army.
