Page 10 of The House of Hopes and Dreams
But it was Friday before Jim could get me on a flight, by which time I was almost beside myself with desperation to get home … even if that home would now be an empty shell.
Somehow, though, I felt as if Julian would be there waiting for me, and perhaps he would, his presence in the workshop and cottage, where we’d been so happy together for over ten years, lingering to comfort me.
By the time the plane landed at Manchester airport, I’d slept little and eaten almost nothing for over two days, though I hadn’t really cried. I think that was because I couldn’t accept Julian had gone until I was home and saw for myself.
As I came out into the bright arrivals lounge, it seemed like a shaky stage set that might tumble down at any moment, until I spottedMolly’s familiar, stocky figure, clad in jeans and a loose quilted lumberjack shirt, her round rosy face under its mop of greying curls unwontedly serious. She was solid enough to anchor me back to reality.
We hugged and then she grabbed the handle of my larger case, leaving me with just my small carry-on one. ‘Come on, the car’s in the short-stay car park. We can talk when we’re on our way.’
Everyone seemed to be leaving the airport at the same time and in a hurry, but once Molly had negotiated her way out and we’d joined the motorway, she said, ‘Did Nat finally get in contact with you to update you on what’s happening?’
‘No, not a word. Has he gone back to London, or is he still at the cottage?’ He might not have previously wanted to spend a night under the same roof as me, but I assumed our mutual grief and loss would change that.
‘He got leave from his job and now Willow’s come back again, too,’ she said. ‘I rang him to say what time I was collecting you from the airport and he told me he’d organized the funeral for next Tuesday.’
‘Already? And without discussing it with me?’ I exclaimed, shocked.
‘I know it seems a bit fast, but actually it’s been six days now since Julian died, Angel,’ Molly said gently.
‘I suppose it has,’ I said numbly, ‘and I expect he felt he had to start making the arrangements, though he could haveconsultedme about them! But perhaps he’s waiting till I get back to finalize things.’
‘Um …’ said Molly, and lapsed into silence until we left the motorway and headed into a maze of increasingly narrow country lanes.
‘Not far to go now,’ Molly said, and I realized the warmth of the car had almost sent me to sleep. I roused myself and asked what was happening with the workshop. ‘I suppose it’s been shut all week?’
‘No, Nat told Grant to open up as usual last Wednesday. He’s trying to take charge and throw his weight about already.’
‘I suppose someone had to run things till I got back.’
And Nat probably assumed that the workshop would be his and he had a right to do so.
‘Julian would want the work on hand to be finished on schedule.We’d only factored in the usual break from Christmas Eve till just after New Year,’ I said.
‘There’s running things, and there’s taking over – and the way Nat’s started lording it about, I’ve been expecting to find your bags outside the cottage door any time!’ Molly said indignantly.
‘Oh, I’m sure he wouldn’t do anything like that, Molly, even if he could. Julian told me before I went to Antigua that he was making a will to leave things divided between us, even though I tried to persuade him out of it, and Nat must surely have been in touch with the solicitor by now.’
‘You have to be the least materialistic person I know!’ She turned her head and gave me a brief, affectionate smile. ‘Nat hasn’t mentioned a will, even if he knows about it. But then, he wouldn’t be likely to discuss anything with those he thinks of as employees! I’m glad Julian thought of making a will, though, because things can be tricky without one.’
I wondered if perhaps Nat hadn’t mentioned the will because Julianhadchanged his mind and left the lion’s share to him after all. I hoped so, for Nat’s sake, but I was sure in any case we would be united by the depth of our loss and able to work things out fairly. It didn’t seem important at that moment.
‘Whatever happens, you’ve always got me and Grant to fall back on,’ Molly assured me rather ominously.
Despite the warmth from the car heater, I gave a sudden shiver.
I’m certain that in taking Michael into the business, Father hoped that he and I would make a match of it one day. However, from the first moment Michael set eyes on Lily, who is as tall and fair as her name, my father’s hopes were doomed.
As for myself, I had at that time no interest in beaux and was still much the same thin, sallow, brown-haired little thing that I’d been at eleven. If I occasionally sighed over stories of knights in shining armour and beautiful damsels, it was not in the hope of such a man sweeping into my life and carrying me off. In fact, had this happened, I suspected that in no time at all I’d have been rendered witless with boredom away from the workshop and begging to be returned thence.
In retrospect, my life up to the point where this journal begins seems like an idyll and I was ill prepared for the events that were to follow.
But I will let the voice of a younger self I barely now recognize take up the tale.
Jessie Kaye Revell
5
Cold Front
