Page 66 of A Good Heart is Hard to Find
I shuddered. ‘No, I couldn’t! Too clinical, and anyway I want to choose the father of my child. If I really did decide to give it ago. I think the temptation factor is weakening.’
‘AI by a friend?’
‘Back to Jason again, and the usual objections apply.’
‘You don’t really fancy him, and there’s Tom, right.’
‘Right. Besides, he’d want more than to donate his sperm, wouldn’t he? I don’t think I want a long-term relationship with anyone any more. I’ve done all that. If I have a baby, it will be just for me.’
‘Well, Jasonis a very good father, even though Tom’s so awful.’
‘Max insinuated that it was because Tom had the drop on him over his mother’s disappearance.’
‘Did he? Astute of him, when it took us ages to think that one up! But I’m sure Jason hasn’t done anything, and Tanya went away of her own accord.’
‘Yes, and even if he had he wouldn’t have meant to do it, so he’s perfectly harmless,’ I agreed.
‘But to get back to the point, Cass, the only other way is to go for the Lonely Hearts columns – don’t tell them where you live or your real name, and dump them when they’ve served their purpose.’
‘Oh no, thanks. I mean, apart from the Yuk factor, how would I know if they had any revolting STDs? Or even an IQ?’
‘You’re so fastidious … but you have a point,’ she admitted. ‘So what about Dante?’
‘Oh, I don’t think so – he’d have felt so guilty afterwards that I’m sure he’d have had to tell me if he’d put me at risk,’ I said hopefully.
‘You’re probably right,andyou could seduce him again, I bet. The way he stares at you …’
‘Glares. I think it’s his natural expression.’
‘You’re a fine one to talk! You both look and sound like a tragedy queen – Lady Macbeth to the life – but it seemsto work on the men OK.’
‘Dante’s too young, and I don’t really think he’s interested in me like that despite the other night. In fact, he seems to disapprove of me, my works and everything I do. And I don’t know how to go about seducing anyone anyway. I’m out of the habit of going out with other men … I mean, I always meant to be faithful to Max, but he lied to me all the way along the line.’
‘That was always perfectly obvious, but it was pointless saying anything when you were so under his thumb.’
I shuddered. ‘I nearly was again – there’s something almost hypnotic about Max when he really starts to work on me. You know, if it hadn’t been for that stupid beard I might just have weakened!’
‘No, I think you’re beyond that, and that beard is pretty stupid. Besides, maybe you didn’tnotice, but when Dante was standing next to Max, the contrast really struck you,because he is so big, and dark andvirile, and Max looked thin, and dry and older and well-preserved, I suppose, and sophisticated.’
‘I did notice,’ I admitted. ‘But I’m no spring chicken either! If I felt shy with Max after only a few months apart, think what I’d be like trying to get off with a total stranger!And how could I bare this forty-four-year-old body to a new lover?’
‘What about the other night? And you have a wonderful figure!’
‘The other night I was drunk and – well, let’s not go into that. And we both have wonderful figures, as in big busty ones, but it’s not fashionable to be shaped like a woman, is it? Only anorexic boyish types need apply.’
‘I think you’d better abandon any hopesof pregnancy by anything other than divine intervention then, since clearly you’ll never come near enough to another man again to make it happen. How about a nice dog?’
‘What?’
‘You absolutely drooled over the Saluki hounds when we were watching Crufts on my TV. Why don’t you have one of those instead?’
‘It’s hardly the same thing, Orla!’
‘Much less trouble, though! It’s not life-threatening,figure-threatening, wallet-threatening, doesn’t involve having random sex with strangers or turning friends into lovers …’
Maybe she had something. But the urge to procreate was a powerful one, and it wasn’t prepared to lie down and die quite yet.
‘How’s your other offspring, your latest book, coming along?’ she asked.
