Page 55 of Britta & the Beach Boy
Britta
Dex gives me a nervous smile. If I hadn’t already swallowed my sushi roll, I’d be choking on it. I’ll be lucky if I can keep it down as it is.
“Did you just…ask me to marry you?” I feel a little queasy.
“Yes, but no. It’d be more of a business arrangement.” Dex’s words come out even faster than usual, and in that nano-second, his entire face turns as red as the tiny pepper on top of the sushi roll I just ate.
“A business marriage?” That sounds even less tempting than a regular, old-fashioned marriage. “Do you mean a marriage-of-convenience? That’s what they’re called in the Hallmark movies my dad likes. I didn’t think they were a real thing.”
“Forget I asked. I’m really sorry I made things so awkward. The whole idea is a bit gone. I shouldn’t have even mentioned it—I blame it on Archie.” Dex rubs the back of his neck and keeps his gaze down.
I crane my neck and catch his eye. “You didn’t make things awkward. Thank you for sharing your dream with me.”
He lets out a loud breath and sends me a nervous grin that’s so adorably shy and sexy at the same time that I nearly change my mind about marrying him.
“Are you still hungry? Or have I made you lose your appetite too?” He points at the half-eaten plates of food.
Ihatewasting food. But Dex looks so uncomfortable that there’s no way my stomach can take anymore raw fish on top of a marriage/business proposal.
“You didn’t make me lose anything, but raw fish is surprisingly filling.” I sound too perky, which only adds to the awkwardness we’re both pretending isn’t pressing in on us. “Except we haven’t got the check yet.”
“It’s already taken care of.” Dex stands and tosses his napkin on the table.
“I was supposed to buy you dinner.” I grab my purse and try to wave down Kenzo.
“Britta…” There’s a desperation in Dex’s voice that makes me drop my hand. “They don’t let me pay here. Even if they did, after I ruined the night, I wouldn’t let you buy me dinner. I owe you at least a thousand dinners for saying something so stupid.”
Dex takes my elbow and leads me out the door. The air outside is cooler than it was when we went inside, and I shiver as the breeze from the ocean hits me.
If Dex notices I’m cold, I can’t tell. He drops my elbow and puts at least a foot between us as we make our way to the boardwalk. There’s no handholding or being protected from the wind. And I’m a little hurt that he’s letting my ‘no’ to hismarriage offer come between us, but also surprised by how much I miss the warmth of him.
I don’t miss it enough tomarryhim. But I also don’t want this business proposal—for lack of a better term—to come between us. Honestly, I’m flattered he thinks he could marry me, even if just for pretend.
So, I close the distance between us and slide my arm through his. “Liam…” no more calling him Dex—that’s when things went sideways. “I’m really flattered you asked, and that you’d be willing to help me buyAnnie’s.”
He tenses, and for a second, I expect him to pull away from me. Instead, he lets out a loud sigh. “It’s a stupid idea, but I’m just desperate enough to get to the Olympics that I lost my head. But it was Archie’s idea, so blame him for putting it in my head in the first place.”
“I just assumed an idea that bad had to be his.”
Dex laughs and squeezes my arm close to his side. “Thanks for not bolting when I said it. Have I mentioned that it’s been a crazy, intense week?”
I drop my head on his shoulder. “If I were ever to marry someone I barely knew, it would definitely be you.”
“So, are you saying you’ll think about it?” There’s teasing in his voice as he slides his arm around my waist, resting his hand on my hip and sending a shiver of excitement up my spine.
Now it’s my turn to laugh. “My family would disown me if I got married for any other reason than love. And I don’t plan on falling in love any time soon. I need to figure out who I am and what I want first.”
He taps his fingers on my hipbone. “Those are good reasons for not falling in love, but I’ve always thought falling was involuntary. Whether it’s in love or because of the law of gravity. But if you’ve got the secret for how not to do both, let me in onit. I could win a lot more competitions if I could quit the habit of falling for girls and on waves.”
I scoff at his naivete. “I can’t tell you how not to fall in surfing, but in love, you avoid getting emotionally attached to anyone. Like you said, you don’t let anyone get in the way of the thing you love to do.”
“Is that what I said? I meant that if you love doing something, don’t let anything get in the way of doing the thing you love. I didn’t mean love a dream more than people, but I see your point.” He drops his arm from my waist, but just as I miss his touch, he hooks my finger with his pinkie. “Sometimes dreams are so big, there’s no room left for anything else, including relationships.”
We’re further apart, but maybe that’s better. The way he’s rephrased my words makes them sound harsher than I meant them. More selfish than plain old self-defense. Love makes goodbyes even harder, especially long ones. I don’t want to go through that again.
But there is some truth to how Dex said it. “I was planning on a prestigious internship in LA, but then my mom got sick. I wouldn’t change my decision to go back home and take care of her, but I want to take some time for myself now, before my life gets swept up in someone else’s needs. Not that I don’t want that someday, when I’m ready to be a wife and a mom. Just not yet.”
The thought that chases my words is that Paradise might not be the best place for my personal growth or for finding the kind of man I could share my life with. My chest constricts, pressing on my lungs and slowing my pace.
