Page 68 of Explorer's Revenge
“Maeve Carter is fine. There’s nothing in this world that could kill her. She’ll be in a nice hospital somewhere, giving them hell.” He smiles, and I cover his hand with mine. “She’ll be okay. We got her out of here. They’ll take care of her, and I’m sure her dad is at her side, holding her hand. She won’t be alone.”
He nods, looking at our hands for a moment, and I debate drawing mine back, but honestly, I need his touch too. I’mscared, not that I’ll tell him or the others. They need me to be strong. I can’t implode.
“We are going to die here, aren’t we?” he asks, and I startle as his lips curve in a sad smile. “It’s okay. I know you all like to protect me, but I’m not scared of dying. Honestly, I’m surprised I made it this long. I spent my entire childhood thinking I was going to die each day, that one day she would take it too far. After a while, it just became something I knew would happen someday. Death doesn’t scare me.”
“Then what does?” I ask. “The thing out there?”
“No. Something much worse,” he answers quietly.
“Then what?” I frown, not understanding. “Tell me, I’ll make it better.”
He watches me for a moment. “I’m scared I’ll die without ever being brave enough to be honest with myself . . . and you. I’m scared I’ll die never knowing.”
“Knowing?” I hedge, something inside me waking up. Warmth flows through me, and my heart starts to hammer, but I don’t know why.
His eyes search my face, and it’s like he decides something when he nods. “If we are going to die here, then there’s one thing I want to do before that.”
I want to tell him we won’t die, that I’ll make sure I’ll get him out, but all that comes out is a rough question. “What’s that?”
“This.” He grips the back of my neck firmly, and with more strength than I thought he had, he yanks me forward and presses his lips to mine. I freeze, staring into his eyes as he kisses me. I expect him to pull away, to apologize, but his eyes close, and he deepens the kiss. Before I know it, my eyes are shutting too and I’m kissing him back.
He gasps, and I pull away.
I stare at him before remembering the others. I glance at Wilder, but he’s still keeping watch. He probably heard us, but he stays silent, giving us privacy.
“Aiyaret,” I whisper, no other words filling my head.
“I’ve been scared my entire life, but I don’t want to be anymore. If I’m going to die here, I’m going to do it knowing I gave it my all. I love you, and maybe I always have. You’re my best friend, and I think that confused me for a while, thinking it was just friendship, but I don’t feel the same way about the others as I feel for you. I can’t live without you, Way. You’re my light in the dark, my safe harbor. Maybe you don’t feel the same way, but I don’t care anymore. I have to tell you. For me, love was pain from a mother who hated me. I have nothing to offer other than this scared, flawed body and soul, but it’s yours. It always has been.”
Covering his mouth, I press my forehead to his. “You’re confused?—”
“Don’t tell me how I feel,” he snaps, tugging my hand away. “ Stop being so calm and rational. For once, Way, tell me how you really feel instead of trying to protect me.”
“Aiy, let’s talk when we’re out of here,” I say, and he flinches and stands. I stare up at him, fear pounding in my chest as he locks me out.
“If you don’t feel the same way, then just say it. Don’t make excuses. That’s worse. Stop being such a good guy and trying to protect me,” he snaps, and then he goes to walk past me. I have this horrible, gut feeling that if he does, I’ll lose him forever.
Grabbing his arm, I yank him down. His eyes widen as I pin him.
“I will always protect you. You’re damn right about that, but it’s not that . . . I’m terrified you’re getting mixed up and saying it out of fear, offering me everything I want only to take it back later. I couldn’t live with that. I can live with being your bestfriend as long as it keeps you in my life, but I can’t go on if you give me a glimpse, a taste of what I want more than anything then take it away again.” I’m breathing heavily, and so is he as he stares up at me, wide-eyed and shocked. “You’re wrong, Aiyaret. It isn’t you who can’t live without me. It’s me who can’t live without you, and I’m terrified you’ll realize that one day and leave me. Don’t give me hope and take it away again. I know you have feelings for Maeve too?—”
“So do you,” he retorts, and I swallow.
“I do, but in a different way than you. You’re both in my heart, but Aiyaret, I love you. I always have. If you aren’t sure about this, then don’t give me a chance. If you . . . If you feel the same way and you love me, then I’m yours.”
We are both damp, and we smell like saltwater and sweat, but I don’t care, not when he looks up at me with hope-filled eyes. “I love you. I don’t want to be your best friend anymore.”
“No? Then what do you want?” I ask as I lean closer, needing to know before I cross a line we can’t come back from.
“I want to be yours,” he whispers, and it’s all I need. I slam my lips onto his. He arches below me, turning his hand in my grip and lacing our fingers as he groans, kissing me back. I force his mouth open, sweeping my tongue in and tangling it with his as we press together.
Despite how tired, dehydrated, and hungry I am, desire spirals through me, but I ignore it. This is about love, nothing else. I would never cross that line with him until he was ready. He might never be after his past, and that’s okay as long as he doesn’t leave me.
The little whimper he lets out has me hardening, so I pull away before I push him too hard. I rest my forehead against his and stare into his beautiful eyes.
“We’ll get out of this, I promise, and when we do, I’ll show you how serious I am.”
His smile is slow but bright, and for once, it’s unchecked, and it fixes something in my heart. “You better.”
