Page 10 of Explorer's Revenge
I am a broken, pathetic man.
I turn away, her voice floating through my head.
Men don’t cry. Stop crying. You’re so fucking pathetic. Look at you, just pathetic.
Gripping the shower faucet, I turn it on and step inside, pressing my hands to the tile.The warm water flows over me, trying to wash her away. Today is an important day. I should be excited, but instead I’m hiding in the bathroom after keeping my friends up, screaming like a wimp from nightmares.
Pathetic. What do pathetic men get?
Grabbing the handle, I make the water hotter until it scalds me. The burn grounds me, keeping me in the present rather than the past, and her laughter floats away. My head feels clearer and my thoughts are my own once more, which is important. I can’t be exhausted on this kind of mission. It could get me hurt, or, worse, one of my brothers could be killed. They are dependingon me, and I won’t let them down. They’ve been so good to me, taking me in and giving me a job, a family, and purpose.
They are a true family, something that took me a really long time to understand. For the first few years, I was always suspicious, wondering why they wanted to help me. Everything felt like a trap, a trick, but it wasn’t. I still struggle with that now, but I know they only want what’s best for me.
The door opens without the person knocking, and I grab the shampoo, pretending I was just washing my hair. “Fuck, dude, you take so long in the shower,” Merrick teases as he flips the toilet seat up and pisses. I roll my eyes and scrub my hair. He flushes the toilet, and I glare at him, making him laugh.
“Oops, sorry.” The bastard comes closer, and before I can warn him or turn it down, he sticks his hands under the shower spray to wash his hands.
“Fuck!” he yells, pulling his hands out and looking at the reddening skin on his palms. “What the fuck, Aiy?” he shouts, grabbing the handle with a hiss and turning the heat down. “Are you trying to burn your skin off, dude?” He becomes quiet, watching me with knowing eyes. They see too much, so I look away, scrubbing my scalp viciously.
“Brother,” he murmurs, “we can go home?—”
“No,” I snap.
“Okay then, but you need to take better care of yourself. I know you are working through . . . what happened in your own way, but hurting yourself isn’t the way to do it. We’re worried about you.”
“Worried?” I bark, my protective instinct rearing its ugly head, and I lash out like a cornered snake. “You cover your pain with jokes and sarcasm. Wilder is a fucking control freak who pushes everyone away. Logan is still fucked up from his parents, and Way has worse dreams than I do, and you want to talk about my issues?”
His expression becomes sad, but he doesn’t let me push him away. “We are all messed up in our own ways. It doesn’t mean we let our issues blind us to everyone else’s suffering too. You aren’t alone anymore, and we aren’t going anywhere. When you realize that, we’ll be waiting.” He walks out, shutting the door softly behind him, which is worse than him slamming it.
Fuck! I smash my fist into the wall, feeling the skin break on my knuckles as blood pools in the shower drain. I shouldn’t have hurt Rick. He means well, and he’s sensitive under all that bravado. He’ll take it to heart. I need to apologize, but I finish my shower first and wrap a towel around my waist, only hesitating for a moment. They’ve all seen the wicked scars on my back.
Opening the door, I ignore the looks and head straight for Merrick, who’s sitting with his back to me as he shoves things into his bag. Wilder shoots me a concerned look and then glances at his brother. I nod, and he sighs before clapping me on the shoulder and using the bathroom next.
“Merrick,” I murmur as I stop in front of him. He freezes but doesn’t look up. “That was cruel of me. I know you are only trying to help. I’m not used to that. I lash out to protect myself, and that was mean. I’m sorry, brother.”
He lifts his head, searching my gaze, and then a wide smile curls his lips. “I knew you liked me.”
I chuckle with my own smile, something that’s impossible to fight around him. Standing, he pats my shoulders, ignoring my flinch. They are getting me used to physical touch one step at a time. “Don’t worry about it. Brothers fight. Now, get dressed. I don’t want to start feeling inadequate with that dick near my face.”
Smirking, I fake thrust at him, and he shoves me as I turn away. Way winks at me, and Logan grins, all unbothered by my moods, and I’m grateful. By the time I’m dressed and packed, the others have showered. We make quick work of packing upwhat little belongings we brought, grab our bags and equipment, and then head down to the boat. After we load it all up, we eat a quick breakfast at a local restaurant, leaving a generous tip, and then we stand in front of the boat and take our first picture.
We all wear wide smiles, but it’s a lie. No one really knows us or the shit we have seen or done. They only get to see the good parts, and that’s what Venture wants.
We are their pretty Adreno guys.
The waves are soothing, rocking the private dive boat as we make our way across the water. We paid all the staff off, so we only have the captain and an engineer—the less people who know, the better. They are going to drop us off at the beach in a tender, and they won’t stay near the island, but they are coming back for us in seven days. They said there is a superstition about it.
We’ll have a radio, but there’s no telling if it will work. It will just be us on an abandoned island, searching for a lost city.
The excitement I once felt for this mission comes back, and I grin, watching Merrick as he and Way twerk and smack each other’s asses to the song playing on the radio. Wilder is bent over his maps, but he keeps stopping to watch with a wide grin. Even he can’t fight the pull of excitement when we are this close to this kind of exploration.
Logan sits near me, checking our gear and singing along.
Everyone’s mood gets higher the closer we get to our destination. Heading inside, I wave at the captain, who nods before turning to his engineer. I grab a water and drain it, about to walk back outside, when they begin to talk.
“Did you hear about those divers who got stuck? Yeah, it isn’t too far from here. Let’s hope they manage to get them out.”
I wince, wanting to ask about it, but it’s none of my business. Diving is a dangerous gig. We do some, but not as experts, and especially not cave diving. It’s one of the most dangerous things you can do. I hope whoever is stuck down there is okay.
