Page 45 of QB Keeper
I exhale quietly, hoping he doesn’t see the relief as it passes through me. I don’t know why I think I have a right to even be upset with him for being with someone else. I was engaged to be married up until a few weeks ago. As far as everybody on the outside knows, I still am. But as I sit here next to Tanner, Cash is a distant memory. His betrayal doesn’t mean a goddamn thing to me now that the missing piece of my heart is right here beside me. All I’d have to do to get it back is reach out and take it. But could I? Or has too much changed?
I look up at him. “Do you still go there? Do youwant to?”
He shakes his head rapidly. “I don’t need that anymore, Grace. I meant it when I said I never intended to participate. I’m glad I did, because it gave me the confidence I needed to know that I’ll never lose control again. But as far as wanting to be there? No. I have everything I need right here, right now.”
His words put me at ease, because even though I know I should be doing everything I can to protect myself from being hurt again, I also can’t deny that I’m not in the same place I was a few weeks ago. I haven’t forgotten what he did to me. I don’t think I ever could. But the longer I try to pretend that things haven’t changed for us since he came back into my life, the worse it feels knowing that no part of him is mine. I just don’t want to stay away anymore. I don’t know if I’m able to open my heart to him, and this might end poorly, but mybody is exhausted from trying to fight the fact that I want him to touch me so badly. The other night in the sex room wasn’t enough.
“Will you take me back into your room?” I ask before I can stop the words from coming out of my mouth. His brows pinch in, like he’s having trouble understanding what I mean, so I throw caution to the wind, telling him what I need. “I want you to touch me, Tanner. I want you to dominate me.”
“Grace,” he breathes. “Are you sure you want to do that?”
“It’s the only thing I’m sure about right now.” That’s the honest truth. My head and my heart are at war right now, but my body is winning the battle. I want him to show me what it’s like.
He swallows thickly, hesitating before he finally speaks again. “If we do this, we’re doing it the right way. I need to know what your limits are before we even go in there, and I want you to know mine. We’ll have a safe word, and you’ll use it at the first sign of discomfort. Do you understand me?”
I nod, because I can’t find my voice to agree out loud.
“Okay. Tell me your limits, hard and soft.”
Confusion washes over me as I try to put meaning behind his words, but I don’t really understand them. And since he knows me so well, I don’t even have to vocalize that for him to explain further.
“I need to know the things that you absolutely do not want me to do to you. I also need to know the things that are negotiable and what their terms are.”
I rack my brain, thinking back to the past experiences we’ve shared. I never lied to him when I told him I didn’t have any regrets about the things we did before. So, I can’t imagine that there’s anything I wouldn’t allow him to try now.
“I don’t think I have any,” I say quietly. He shakes his head rapidly, letting me know that my answer is unacceptable.
“I refuse to do this with you if you’re going in there without any limits. I’m not the same guy I was before. I take this very seriously and I refuse to hurt you or make you uncomfortable in any way.”
I try to remember all the BDSM porn I’ve watched, zeroing in on anything that I wouldn’t want to try myself.
“Don’t spit on me,” I tell him.
I expect him to laugh, but he gives me a tight nod in affirmation. “No spitting. Good. What else?”
I sit up straight, wanting to exude the confidence I feel inside. “There’s nothing else, Tanner. Do whatever you want to me. I’ll use my safe word if I have to.”
He raises a brow. “Slapping? Biting? Breath play? Degradation? All okay?”
I steel my expression, so he knows that I understand what I’m saying. “Yes.”
He takes a moment, looking into my eyes for any sign of hesitation. I stand strong, not even blinking until he finally stands up, towering over me. “My only limit is that I can’t fuck you,” he says firmly. I want to question him, but I have a feeling I already know the answer. He doesn’t want to take it from me. He wants me to give it. “You good with that?”
“Yes,” I whisper, looking up at him. There’s fire in his eyes as he reaches out, encasing my hand in his and leading me down the stairs.
THIRTY-FOUR
TANNER
I’m doingmy best not to let my nerves and anticipation show as I lead Grace into the playroom. Now that we’ve discussed our limits, I’m ready to show her how it should’ve been for us all along, and what I’ve spent our time apart learning.
It’s going to be so tempting to fuck her while we do this, but I know we aren’t ready for that yet. There’s so much left unsaid between us. I know I’m capable of doing this type of play without it ending in sex, because that’s all I’ve done since I started learning, but this is Grace. The love of my fucking life. The only woman I’ll ever want to be inside until the day I die.
But this isn’t about me. She wants me to dominate her, and that’s what I’m going to do. If and when she gives herself to me fully, it’ll be because all the broken things between us have finally healed.
I stop, stepping in front of her. There are only a few inches between our bodies and when I inhale her scent, my head spins. Being this close to her, knowing I have her consent to do just about whatever I want to her, is so intoxicating that I start to feel lightheaded.
Grabbing the fabric of my shirt behind my neck with one hand, I remove it before reaching out and grasping the hem of hers. I savor the moment, slowly peeling it over her head, my gaze locking onto her full tits that spill from the top of her white lace bra. I squeeze my eyes shut, repeating to myself that I can do this, before reaching around to unclasp where it’s fastened behind her back. Our lips are millimeters apart, and when our eyes connect, she sucks in a quiet gasp. I want nothing more than to kiss her so roughly, she’ll taste me forever, but I can’t. I need to control myself tonight.
