Page 40 of QB Keeper
She looks over her shoulder at me, and I swear I see just a small piece of the old Grace behind her eyes. “Thanks for letting me stay.”
You can stay forever.
The thought is as natural as breathing. There hasn’t been a single day since I moved in that I haven’t wondered what it would feel like having her here. It was always just a fantasy, but now it’s real.
And suddenly, it feels like home.
THIRTY
GRACE
I kick off the covers,hopping out of bed because there’s no way I’m falling asleep tonight. This place is amazing. It’s so big and cozy, but knowing that Tanner is just up the stairs is making me restless.
After he got me settled in, we said a very awkward goodnight before he told me I could lock the door behind him. I know he wants me to feel like I’m being left alone, but at this point, I don’t even know if I want to be.
When I woke up in his arms earlier, a part of me that had been buried for so long felt like it was sparking back to life. Being in such close proximity to him made my head spin in a way that I’ve craved since the last time I touched him. It’s getting harder and harder to continue fighting the way I still feel about him.
I shouldn’t, but I open the door, heading down the hall and up the stairs. I make my way to the kitchen, where I open the fridge and take out a bottle of water. Every light up here is on and I can’t help but wonder if he did it because he knows I’m still afraid of the dark. He knows everything about me, and he’s never judged me for any of my weird quirks. Cashjust used to laugh and tell me to stop being a child. He never understood me. Not the way Tanner does.
I pull out a chair and sit down at the table, looking around the huge space. This house is way too big for one person, even if he does have more money than God. I wonder if he built this place thinking that one day he’d have a family. I can’t stop my mind from wondering that if things hadn’t gone down the way they did between us, would I be here with him now? Would we be married? Would we have children? All of those questions remain unanswered because he made the choice long ago to leave me behind so he could live this life.
I’m unable to sit still, standing and walking around the room. I probably shouldn’t, but he did tell me that I was welcome to come upstairs and to make myself at home. Since I’m nosy as fuck, I don’t fight the urge to open drawers and cupboards, looking around to see what’s inside. And when I find a matte black key that looks very similar to the door in the downstairs hallway, my curiosity peaks. He seemed so secretive about what was in that room, and it only made me want to see it for myself even more.
Unable to shake the undeniable pull to that door, I make my way down the staircase and stand in front of it. I hesitate for a moment, trying to convince myself that this is wrong, but the voice in the back of my head telling me to just peek inside wins. I reach out, fitting the key into the lock, and I’m slightly shocked when I twist and hear the faint click of it disengaging. I turn the knob, slowly and quietly pushing my way in. Whatever I was expecting to see when I came in here—this is definitely not it.
The room is shrouded in black and gray. Everything from the carpet to the damask wallpaper is rich and dangerous looking. Off to my left is a large, four post bed with black silk sheets. Next to it on the wall, hangs a wide variety of whipsand paddles. And dangling from each post is a black, soft cuff restraint.
I’m completely speechless as I take a few steps forward, looking into the back corner, where a dark wood Saint Andrews cross stands. There are also several other pieces of furniture, including a spanking bench and a large, velvet covered throne in the center of the room. I’ve watched plenty of BDSM porn, so I know what all of these things are, but I’ve never seen them in person.
I turn to leave, needing some air because the very last thing I expected when I came in here was to find Tanner’s sex room. I want to vomit thinking about all of this equipment and what it’s used for.Whoit’s usedwith. But as soon as my feet begin to move, a tall shadow steps into the doorway, then inside the room, sucking all of the oxygen right out of it. He’s wearing only a pair of snug-fitting black boxer briefs that are hiked all the way up his muscular thighs. His hair is mussed like he was asleep, but his exhausted eyes tell me he hasn’t been able to rest any better than I have tonight.
I stand completely still, unable to rip my eyes away from Tanner’s, even though my brain is telling me to get the fuck out of here. To put some distance between us so I can process everything I’ve seen tonight. But the pull I have to him ever since he came back into my life is too strong for me to fight. Every part of me is at odds right now, and it has me wanting to scream. To cry. To walk over and punch him so hard that he feels even a fraction of the pain I feel when I think about how many women he’s had in this room.
“Grace,” he says, putting his hands up in surrender. “It’s not what you think.”
I huff an incredulous laugh. “It doesn’t matter what I think, Tanner. You made it clear that your life didn’t have room for me in it. So, if you want to bring women to your sex dungeon and—” I stop, because I honestly can’t say the words out loud. “You can do whatever you want,” is what Isettle on. After five years of thinking about him being with other people, I thought I was okay with it. But seeing this room for myself, knowing that he’s doing all the thingswetalked about doing together, with other women; I want to crawl out of my own skin. I’m feeling everything and nothing all at once, and it’s making me want to scream.
He takes a tentative step toward me, and I instinctively take one back, keeping him at a safe distance. I don’t trust myself anymore. One minute, I want him to touch me. To kiss me.Anythingto feel close to him. But right now, I need to let myself feel the anger. Because when I finally get the strength to let him go again, I’m going to need this moment to fuel my resolve.
“I’ve never—” he begins, squeezing his eyes shut. “I’ve never brought anybody in here.”
My brows furrow in confusion. “When did you put it in?” I ask, thinking it must be a pretty new addition to his house if it hasn’t been used yet. Part of me is relieved, and my body loosens a little, knowing I’m not standing in the middle of a room where he’s dominated people who aren’t me.
He takes a breath, staring into my eyes. “When I built the house. Four years ago.”
To say that I’m shocked would be a massive understatement. We’ve been apart for half a decade. He’s had this house, with this room, almost as long. He’s clearly still into kink if he has all of this equipment, so why is he telling me nobody’s ever been in here. It doesn’t make sense.
“Why?” I blurt. Part of me cringes, because I really don’t know if I can go through hearing about him being with anyone else, but the other part of me needs to understand.
“Because I couldn’t…be with anyone else.”
It takes me a moment to register what he’s saying. And maybe I’m not understanding him correctly, but does he mean that he hasn’t been with anyone else…at all? I shouldn’t dig any deeper, but I need the answer more than I need my next breath.
“At all? Since me?” I ask so quietly, I’m surprised he can even hear me. But when he looks down, giving a small shake of his head, I suck in a quick breath. My hand flies up over my mouth and I do everything I can to stop the tears from welling up in my eyes. I’m feeling so many different things right now, it’s hard to settle on one dominant emotion. But for some reason, when I take a second to sift through them, the thing I’m zeroing in on the most is how fucking angry I am.
He’s still focusing his attention on the floor, clearly unable to look me in the eye, which makes me even more pissed off.
No.No.He left me, alone and broken, begging him to stay, so we could ‘live our lives’. And now he’s telling me that he never even did it? He never tried to find happiness? Fuck him for doing this to me. Tous.
