Page 82 of Worth the Wait
Hadn’t been here to see it happen. To watch the boy he’d kissed in stolen moments grow into a man determined to make something of himself. To protect the town Nathan had long ago given up on. There was pride there. And so much of it hurt.
But something worse too. Regret, heavy and cold.
Because standing there in the clutter of Freddie’s living room, Nathan realised Freddie had built a life. One with purpose. Roots. A service to something bigger than himself. While Nathan had spent years drifting between warzones and shadows, trying to outrun ghosts that always managed to keep pace. And the part that sat like lead in his gut was knowing he might’ve put all that at risk. That last night hadn’t just put eyes on Alfie.
It had put them on Freddie, too.
For reasons that had nothing to do with the job, and everything to do withhim.
“You want a coffee?” Freddie’s voice broke the heavy silence, catching Nathan square in the back.
He spun away from the photo wall. Freddie had thrown on a pair of loose grey jogging bottoms, hanging low on his hips, chest still bare, flushed and scratched from the earlier madness.
“Uh…” Nathan scrubbed a hand over his jaw. “Am I keeping you up?”
Freddie huffed a laugh as he wandered towards the small kitchen at the back of the flat, switching the kettle on. “First night shift’s always a bastard. Takes a while to train your body to sleep in the daylight. Brain’s too wired. Feels wrong, you know? But I guess you know better than me about that.”
Nathan let out a breath, meandering closer, perching on the back of the corner sofa separating the kitchen area from the lounge, careful not to get too close. “Yeah, I know something about that.” He scratched his head.
Freddie leant back against the counter, folding his arms. “Why’d you leave?”
Straight to it, then.
“Cause of Alfie.”
Freddie paused. “I meant the army.”
“I know you did.”
Freddie let out a quiet laugh, dragging his teeth over his bottom lip as he glanced away. “Where’s Katie?”
Nathan braced. He was used to being asked tough questions, but this wasn’t the same.
“Where she’s always been. Romford. Shit hole estate. Probably face down in her own vomit.”
Freddie widened his eyes.
“She fell apart.” Nathan decided to keep it friendly. “It’d been coming for a while. Slow slope, years in the making. But after my last tour, about a year ago, it gotworse. I wasn’t deployed anymore. On base rotation in the UK. They’d posted me to Colchester after the injury. Light duties. Mostly training support, bit of outreach. Nothing frontline.” He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. “By that point, I’d made Staff Sergeant. Led my own section, handled discipline, training schedules, welfare checks. I was used to keeping other lads on track, keeping the wheels turning. So I stayed with Katie. Not as a couple. We were never reallytogetherin that way.”
Freddie arched an eyebrow, disbelief written all over him.
“Alright. In the interest of being transparent…yeah, at the beginning, I slept with her. Occasionally. When I was back. But it wasn’t a relationship. For neither of us. And certainly didn’t after I saw what was happening with her. But I thought, being around more, not disappearing off to warzones every few months… maybe I could steady things. Be a proper presence for Alfie rather than the lads in my platoon.”
He shook his head.
“Didn’t help. She was already deep in it. Drink, gear, whatever else she could get her hands on. I stopped trying to keep track. And Alfie… he got the fallout. Missing school. Hanging around older lads. Sliding into the same shit she was too out of it to even notice.”
Freddie looked away, eyes down with something close to sympathy.
“I put in for early termination. Told the Army I couldn’t do both. Couldn’t be half in and half out when my kid needed me full-time. That was about six months back. You don’t just hand in a notice. There’s a whole process. They try to keep you in, talk you round. But in the end, they approved it.”
“How long did it take?”
“Three months, give or take. Stayed mostly in barracks at Colchester until it was final. Commuted from Chelmsford some weeks, especially once I started sorting custody. They gave me the space to handle it.”
“And you got full custody?”
Nathan nodded. “Yeah. On the grounds of neglect. Katie didn’t fight it. Don’t think she could’ve even made it to court if she’d tried. She’s got visitation rights, supervised. And I’ll take him when she’s ready. He still needs his mum… and I hope one day she sees that too.” He inhaled, chest rising. “For now, we’re back with my old man.”
