Page 84 of Don't Take the Girl
"I see what you're doing there. You're trying to deflect and act like you didn't just casually agree to a marriage of convenience."
"Meh." She shrugs. "It was partially a joke, and I need time to sit with this information before I discuss it." She takes a long drink of her champagne, downing the remaining flute in one go. "Your drama, on the other hand, I'm already thoroughly invested in, so give it up. What's going on? It's been almost a week since the trail ride and escapades in the barn," she says with a smile.
"I'm not ignoring him because I want to. Like you, I just needed some time to sit with everything," I recycle her words. I told Asha and Sydney what happened the next day—well, almost everything. I left out the part about having unprotected sex in the barn, but they know about what happened under the dock.
I've thought a lot over the years about what I'd do, how I'd act if I ever got him back. But that alternate reality looked different than the one I've been given. In that world, there wasn't someone else, and I'm trying not to be selfish. The things Fisher said when I left the barn were spot on regarding me and Noah. I understood precisely what he was saying concerning Madison and London's relationship.
I care for Noah, but I don't love him. However, I've been questioning what London's life would look like if I had never shown up. Would London have built a life with Madison? When you love someone, you want them to be happy even if it's not with you.
"Have you heard from him?"
"I have. He wants to talk," I say, turning away from the party and leaning against the half-stone wall. "But I left him on read."
"As you should. It's good for men to feel pressure, especially ones with secrets. He needs to know if he wants you back, he's going to have to earn it. You weren't the one that left. He did. I know the guilt eats you alive. You feel terrible for the sacrifice he made, and because of that, it's easy to lose sight of his choice in that."
I look up toward the sky, remembering the last time I made him grovel. It forced his hand, and I became his girlfriend. The reason I haven't been worried about talking is because I know whatever he has to say won't change what's in my heart. I love him—then—now—always. Now, I only need him to realize the same thing. I'm not going anywhere, because where he is…is where I want to be.
"You might be on to something there," I confirm.
"I'm glad you agree, because he just showed up," she says coolly.
"Wait, he's on the guest list?" I ask curiously, turning around to spot him for myself. With the constant bickering and shit-slinging, I assumed London and Trigg were not making the list tonight.
"Not exactly. Madison asked if I'd take over Gypsy's care while she was in isolation. I invited her and Abbey. It would appear their plus-ones are the Hale brothers."
My pulse skyrockets when I see him. Time doesn't exactly stop, but it shifts, slowing the way it does when you're in an accident, and everything becomes crystalline and inevitable all at once. I don't understand how it's humanly possible to be so intensely drawn to someone. Every time I see him, it is like the first time. He takes my breath away, my pulse increases, my hands get clammy, and the butterflies are in a full-on flurry. Tonight is not different. If anything, it's amplified because, tonight, I'm set on ending the standoff and making him mine while I might be scared shitless. The fear of not taking this jump is worse.
"I'm going to get a refill, mingle, and possibly commit a tasteful murder," Asha jests with a sharp smile. "Care for a drink while I'm orchestrating chaos?"
"I'll be right behind you. I just need a moment to sharpen my knives," I reply, wearing my own dangerously sweet smile.
"Now you're speaking my language," she says before disappearing down the adjacent stone staircase.
I haven't even finished watching her descend the staircase when a familiar voice approaches. "There you are. I was hoping I'd run into you tonight," Madison says, joining me on my perch.
"Oh, hey, you look stunning as usual," I say, returning the hug she goes in for the second I face her.
"As a performer, I have no shortage of dresses," she laughs, her eyes already cataloging every face in the crowd before returning to mine with laser focus. Then, dipping her hand inside her bra, she pulls out a folded piece of paper. "I don't mean to keep you from the party. I just wanted to make sure I gave you this."
I take the paper and unfold it to find it's a check. Ten thousand dollars as promised. I stare at the check blankly. This money has so much potential to help me get started at the end of summer, but accepting it no longer feels right, especially when I can't help but feel like I'm taking something—or rather, someone—from her.
"Madison, I can't take this. What I did with Gypsy wasn't worth nearly this much," I say, offering it back.
She doesn't reach for it. "I had a feeling you'd say that. The truth is, I needed Gypsy healthy, he's how we make our living, but I was really paying for something else entirely."
"And what's that?" I question, not following her explanation.
"I had to know if you were the girl." She takes a slow sip of her bourbon.
"The girl?"
She raises a brow at me. "A woman knows when she's not thegirl that owns a man's heart." She smiles with the kind of sad wisdom that comes from loving someone who belongs to someone else. "We know when it's been taken by someone else." I watch as she swirls the amber liquid in her glass and wait to see if she'll say more. "For a while, I thought maybe I could steal it, that maybe he could learn to love me, but a piece of me always knew I was only fooling myself. The second Trigg introduced us at the wedding, I knew you were the ghost of a past I could never compete with."
I twist one of my rings nervously, her honesty settling like a stone in my chest. "How did you know it was me?"
"Your name," she says with gentle certainty, as though that answer is obvious, though I know it's not. London said he didn't talk about me. It's odd that she could have known who I was the first time we met. Then, as if reading my thoughts, she adds, "I'll let you piece that together in your own time, but it's why I offered you that money. I wanted your help, but I also needed your time just to be sure." Wow, that was an admission I didn't expect to hear. She literally paid to find out if I was the other woman. Her eyes trace the yard. "I'm not going to pretend I know the past the two of you share. I don't. I care about him. I want the best for him, and even though it stings a little to admit this, it was worth every penny." She nods to the party below. "It was worth it to help that tortured soul find peace. That man loves you, even if what he says tells you differently. It's a lie."
London is talking to another guest below when his eyes peer up at me. He does a double-take when he sees who's standing at my side. Even at this distance, I can see his shoulders tense.
