Page 77 of Don't Take the Girl
"I know. I forgot I promised Madison I'd go on a trail ride today with her and Abbey to finish Gypsy's assessment," I say, keeping my eyes forward, too scared to meet his gaze.
"You could have called," he says, as though it was the obvious solution.
"You haven't been someone I could call for a long time," comes out easily, my tone harsher than I feel.
"I'm sorry," he says, achingly genuine.
"Sorry doesn't fix things." I swallow hard, hating the reality of the past six years and the distance it's put between us.
"I'm not trying to fix anything," he says squarely.
My eyebrows rise, and I feel a flush rush my cheeks. I anxiously adjust my hat. I thought that's why he wanted to meet today—to fix things, to talk about everything that's happened and where we stand.
"Don't do that," he scolds, his voice dropping an octave.
"What?" I question, a little irritated. I'm tired of feeling off balance, like I don't know which way is up or down around him. The whiplash is utterly dizzying.
"Come on, Laney. I know you." His eyes burn into mine with an intensity that makes my stomach flip. "You're in your head, believing I'm not right where I want to be, with the person I want to be with."
"Oh, I believe you're where you want to be," I say flippantly, and his eyes narrow on mine, their spark dimming subtly with the jab behind my comment.
He rolls his lips before saying, "Trying to fix something insinuates something is broken. You're not broken. I'm not trying to put you back together and make you whole. You're whole on your own. Always have been." His gaze lingers on my mouth as he speaks, and I have to resist the urge to touch my lips.
His words wrap around my heart and squeeze tight. It's unfair how time and circumstance have done nothing to diminish how hopelessly in love I am with this man.
I clear my throat, trying to steady myself against the magnetic pull I feel toward him. "So the talk…"
"Is still something I want to have." His eyes stray from mine only to slowly drag down my body, taking their sweet time before meeting my gaze again. The heat in his stare makes me shift in my seat.
"With a purpose of…" I wait for him to fill in the blank again, hyperaware of how his presence seems to fill all the space between us. I thought coffee was going to be an apology, and since I was wrong, I want to make sure I'm not letting my heart run away with what it wants to hear instead of what is.
"It needs to happen. I owe you an explanation. I owe you a lotof things, but we should probably start there." He leans forward slightly as a gust of wind wafts his familiar scent toward me, and my resolve wavers.
Do I want explanations? Yes. But I also want to know if there's a chance at more. Last night, he admitted he's thought about me every day the same way I have him, but where does that leave us?
"Is that all?" I attempt nonchalance but fail.
He smiles. It's slow and devastating before he purses his plump lips to gain composure. The simple gesture sends a wave of heat spiraling through me. "For now," he says, but there's a promise in his voice that suggests 'for now' might not last very long.
The space between us crackles with everything we're not saying, everything we're both too afraid and too desperate to acknowledge. Six years of distance hasn't dulled this pull. If anything, it has only made it more dangerous. We're no longer the people we were, but sitting here, drowning in his familiar gaze, I'm terrified to discover that some things never really change.
Chapter 24
LONDON
"We need to talk," I say, approaching Trigg from behind as he tacks up his horse.
"What did I do now?" he asks sarcastically, and it rubs me the wrong way.
I never knew he harbored any resentment for me coming here. He's always been easygoing, but all relationships are challenged at some point, and now I'm starting to question if his agreeable attitude wasn't a cover for the things he keeps buried deep. I wouldn't judge him for keeping things to himself. I'm the last person with room to talk. However, I'm unsure whether I'm part of the problem or an easy target. It's true that it's the people we love the most that get caught in the crosshairs of the battles we wage war on within ourselves. I pushed away everything I cared about most, and now I see it was one of my biggest mistakes. It's why I don't want to see that become our story.
"I know about the lease," I say and watch as his knuckles turn white as he tightens the cinch. That tells me all I need to confirm my suspicions about his sudden interest in Laney. I don't know to what extent he's using her, but I don't like it.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," he grinds out—another lie. I can hear the anger in his tone. I just gave him an intro, and I don't understand why he's not taking it.
"I won't marry Asha." I toss it out there, hoping to cut through the tension and get to the core of what I believe is twisting him up inside.
"Didn't know you were thinking about marriage," he says without missing a beat, but I hear the slight respite in his tone all the same.
