Page 62 of Don't Take the Girl
I never asked for this forced pause, but it's desperately needed.
"I'msorry I didn't tell you all of this from the beginning." I exhale a cleansing breath as an invisible weight is lifted from my shoulders after telling Asha about my history with London.
For the longest time, I haven't wanted to touch it—its existence is painful enough—but I trust Asha. Unlike Sydney and I, who have known each other since we were young, Asha and I didn't get to meet until we were older, but that doesn't mean our friendship isn't deep. We just don't have the miles on it like Sydney and I do. I trust her, and my reasons for not confiding in her were never because of her but because of me.
"I don't blame you one bit for not telling me." She sits back in her chair, eyes wide. "But I will say I'm fucking speechless. How crazy is this?"
"I know…" I say apologetically. "I didn't mean to put all this on you. I hate to make you a keeper of such a dark secret, but?—"
"No, no, no." She straightens. "You're reading me all wrong. Your secret is nuts, but by crazy, I mean fated. I'm going on record now to say I had no idea Dallas's name was London, nor did I know the two of you shared this twisted past. All that being said, you realize this is destiny. The two of you are back together for a reason."
Sydney smacks the table. "And this is precisely why I knew you'd make a great third to our trio." She gestures between the two of them. "Great minds think alike."
"Hold on, you've been just as mad at London for him cutting us out and moving on, and now you're TeamLet's Get Them Back Together?"
She swallows her ranch water. "Babe, I'm whatever team makes my best friend happy. I haven't forgiven London. He and I still need to talk. But I'm not the one who was in love with him; you were. Just because I agree that the two of you being brought back together coincidentally is fate, it doesn't mean I'm locked into some fated-mates, written-in-the-stars love story. Fate may have simply brought the two of you back together so that you can put your demons to rest and move on." She brings her straw back to her lips, taking a long sip before adding, "But I will say this: listening to the story again, knowing all that we do now aboutLondon's non-existent arrest record and where he's been, has my heart rooting for the guy I consider a brother again."
I stir my drink. "What are you thinking?"
"We already know everything isn't as it seems, but I think we've been overlooking a key player for far too long."
"Noah!" Asha blurts out. "The night everything happened, he lied, but he's been lying ever since." I lean forward, fully invested in her words. Asha is an outsider hearing all of this for the first time, so her perspective isn't tainted by the years we all spent in school together. "You said things were always different between you after that night, which is understandable. You can't expect your second choice to fill the shoes of your first love, but that's not the only thing that kept a divide between you. It was the lie. Noah's dad was the mayor, you said, and his father showed up with the sheriff. There is no way the mayor of a small town didn't know precisely what happened to London, and because I know enough about Noah, I'm certain that Noah knew too. He may not have known the exact location London was sent, but I know damn well he knew he wasn't behind bars."
"She's right," Sydney agrees. "I don't know how we didn't put all this together sooner."
"Because Noah wouldn't do something like that," I say, sucking the last drops of ranch water through my straw as they both stare at me wide-eyed. I sigh inwardly. "The Noah we knew before that night—the one who got me a job at his mother's flower shop, jumped into the lake to save me, and spent months helping me search for my dad… That guy looked out for me. Sure, he liked me, but he wasn't a saboteur."
I saw that look between Noah and London that night—the silent truce they formed to protect me. I've never been oblivious to Noah's motives, the way he carefully inserted himself into my life. But this betrayal blindsided me completely. It transforms every memory, every gesture of kindness, into a choreographed lie.
Asha's eyes narrow. "Those are always the ones you have towatch out for. The ones hanging in the balance, waiting to shoot their shot, aren't above scheming to get it."
"It's possible he didn't know," Sydney offers, noting my dejection.
It's a shitty spot to be in when the only two men you've ever trusted have betrayed you in the worst ways. Every relationship feels suspect now, every memory tainted. I find myself replaying conversations, searching for the subtle warnings I must have missed, wondering if I've ever truly known anyone.
Or maybe it's me. I'm the common denominator in these failed relationships. I grew up moving from one place to another with my mother. We had each other, but as far as friends went, I was alone until London came along, and when he was gone, Noah filled the role. Even without the romance between us, Noah has been my safety net, my insurance policy against the void. Our unspoken arrangement comforted me. If the loneliness became unbearable, if no other man ever ignited that fierce, consuming fire London left behind, at least Noah would be there—warm enough to keep me from freezing, if not hot enough to burn. He was my backup plan for a life without passion, my consolation prize, and in some ways, that makes me every bit as bad as him. He may have lied, but I'm lying too, pretending he could ever be my forever.
"So what's the plan, Laney? Do we need to hide a body?" Asha smiles.
"Tempting, but no. I do, however, need to get rid of him. I've been stringing him along, and that's not fair either."
"You've ghosted that man multiple times and side-stepped putting a title on your relationship just as many. Any other guy would have read the writing on the wall and called it quits," Sydney insists.
"That might be true, but Noah and I have history, so he's not any guy, and while I may leave him on read for days or even weeks, eventually, I respond, and we never get off the cycle."
"Well, I, for one, am all for it. I'll happily wait outside thecoffee shop while you let him down easy and then drive you to get your man," Asha says, raising her hand to get the waiter's attention.
"I'm not going after London. Why should I chase a dream that doesn't chase me back?"
"You can't argue with that," Sydney says, swirling the cubes in her empty glass.
"That's one perspective, but when I was younger, my mother used to tell me, 'If the dream is in you, it is for you.'" The waitress arrives. "Can we get another round, please?" Asha asks sweetly.
"That's okay, no more for me," I rise from my chair. "There's a dream I need to go shoot down." I grab my purse. "Wish me luck."
Losing a friend, giving up an alternate ending, isn't always easy. It's the end of an era, but when we clutch tightly to relationships that neither nourish our souls nor propel us toward our true path, we can't fully commit to our dream.
I had a dream once. It still flickers inside me from time to time, no matter how much I've tried to extinguish it. It remains unchanged, waiting for oxygen. But I'll never know its full brightness until I stand alone on the edge of despair with nothing beneath me but faith in my own wings. The safety net I've kept stretched below has become my comfort and limit. I won't discover who I truly am until I finally completely bet on myself.
