Page 51 of Reckless Storm
“Jealous?”The fuck?
“Yes. Is that so crazy?”
“Bria, you—”
“I don’t mean football by the way. In case you were wondering.”
Dammit…I’d just convinced myself that the less time we spent together, the easier it was to move on. I’d convinced myself that Iwasmoving on. But all it takes is a little hint of something more and I’m pulled back in again. I’m kidding myself if I think I can say I’m done and actually be done. I’ve felt this way for years. It’s not something I can turn off.
Despite all that, I’ve made the decision to place Bria firmly in the friendship box and I don’t want to move her. I can’t.
“Bria, you know I don’t—”
“Have you seenher?”
Fuck. This is exactly what we argued about, but she’s never mentioned jealousy before. A pit forms in my stomach even though I shouldn’t be feeling guilty. I’m allowed to have friends. “Bria. Come on. This isn't you. I have plenty of friends.”
“But this is different. It’s like you’ve replaced me.”
“Replaced you? Are you— Actually, no, I’m not having this conversation again. There is room in my life for more than one close friendship.”
“So you’rejustfriends.”
“Yes!” How many times…
“Okay.” She cuts into my thoughts, her voice breathy. “Okay,” she repeats and I sigh.
“Would it matter if we weremore?” As I ask the question a small spark ignites inside me, hoping she’ll say yes. Praying that it bothers her. But before she answers, I internally curse myself. This is my problem. I tell myself I’m moving on and then I think about shit like this.
Move the fuck on, Reed.
“It wouldn’t matter,” Bria responds and I ignore the disappointment swirling inside me. “Although, I’d probably cut you more slack. I prepared myself long ago for you to date, but I never imagined being replaced as your best friend.”
And with that she dumps a bucket of water on any spark I might have now or in the future, stopping it from relighting.
God, I’m a fucking idiot.I should have moved on years ago.
Bria giggles as though her own thoughts are crazy and then easily moves the conversation toward general chitchat, determined for us to get back to the way we were.Her words, not mine.
But what the hell is that? Is that me pining over her while she lives her life in blissful ignorance? Or is that me pining over her and her knowing, secretly loving the fact that I’m always there when she needs me?
Either way, I can’t go back. Not this time.
When she’s finished telling me about her plans for the weekend with no mention of the fact that it’s a huge game for us, I hang up in a slump.
What am I doing?And more to the point…how the hell do I change it?
The day of Luke’s early Christmas drinks arrives and I find myself more pumped than I thought I’d be.
Is he going to give me shit about my balls? Yes. But I don’t really care. It’s almost Christmas, we’re on track to make the playoffs again—and win—and I’m seeing my parents in two weeks. Away from my hometown and away from my brother.
So what if my love life sucks. The rest is good. And that’s nothing new.
When four o’clock arrives, I knock on Luke’s door and he opens it with a smirk, motioning me inside. “Good decision, Reed. I’m glad you came.”
“Did you ever think that I wouldn’t?”
“Not even for a second.”
