Page 6 of Teach Me
‘Maybe we don’t lock away women for their sexual urges anymore, but pornography, strip clubs, prostitution, and even phone sex lines are tailored to men, Doctor Braithwaite. They’re the largest consumers. Men are exposed to content depicting unhealthy, even dangerous sexual preferences and consequently act them out in the real world. Women don’t do that.’
He pursed his lips in thought. ‘Why do you believe they don’t act them out?’
‘Why?’ I laughed in disbelief. ‘Because we don’t. Men do. Mencan. They don’t face the same consequences we do. Even if there is a woman with no history of sexual abuse who willingly allows a man to perform degrading sexual acts on her, she’d be a unicorn and impossible to catch.’
‘A unicorn.’ His low laugh spread warmth through my body, and I couldn’t stop a smile from spreading across my face.
I often tried to make him laugh, wanting him to see me as more than just another psychology graduate student thirsty for the most controversial research topic. Lord knows I had tried to make mine as contentious as possible to get his attention – adecision I sometimes regretted since it meant talking about sex when we were alone together.
But I enjoyed our conversations. I looked forward to them, even when he challenged me. He was open-minded, and no subject was off-limits with him. He handled discussions about the criminal justice system with the same professionalism as deep conversations about rough sex. I was the one who couldn’t stop flushing.
Feeling hot again under his blazing gaze, I studied the small tear in my sheer tights, reminding myself why I was staying on campus this Christmas rather than heading home to enjoy my mother’s cooking. Since the start of the semester, I’d dedicated long hours in the library to studying gender roles, social norms, and sexual disorders before finally deciding to write my master’s dissertation on male sexual deviancy and its links to hardcore pornography.
I thought Dr Braithwaite approved my hypothesis and research methods the last time I saw him. It didn’t appeal to start again, even if it meant spending time alone with him to work out these kinks in my study. My goal was to get a distinction for my master’s and then move on to a doctorate, not to shag the hottest lecturer on campus and end my career before it started.
‘There’s no way I’ll find a woman willing to admit that she enjoys degradation,’ I said, twisting my hands in my lap. ‘She doesn’t exist.’
‘What makes you say that?’
‘Because we just don’t get the same satisfaction out of sex as men.’
Dr Braithwaite laughed, low and deep, the sexiest sound I’d ever heard. ‘Is that so?’
‘I meant degradation!’ The last thing I needed was to end up in a debate with him about my sexual history. Again. ‘I’m notsaying sex isn’t great for women as well, but we can live without it. We haven’t started wars because of it. Thanks to pornography, we’re often better off doing it?—’
I snapped my mouth shut. As always, I’d divulged more than I should have.
His brow lifted.
I crossed my arms over my chest and tried to shift the focus. ‘My point is that men are more distracted and controlled by sex. Pornography has taught them that their satisfaction is more important than ours.’
I uncrossed my arms and gripped the edges of the table. Why did he have to stare at me like that? As if he not only knew how often I’d been left hanging, but wanted to correct other men’s mistakes. He didn’t. It was all in my head.
‘The orgasm gap between men and women is huge, even today,’ I continued. ‘Men are also more likely to cheat because they need sex more than we do. Pornography is responsible for their behaviour and this trend of increased sexual deviance.’
He tilted his head, appearing amused by my rambling and fidgeting. ‘Women can also be unfaithful.’
‘Yes, but…’ I blew out a breath. Damn this man’s ability to scramble my brain. ‘We cheat for different reasons. Our emotional needs aren’t met, so we look for intimacy elsewhere. Despite what men believe, it’s rarely about the sex.’
He smiled. ‘Clever girl.’
His praise warmed my cheeks. My leg bounced nervously as I waited for his counterargument. He always had one.
‘But women can also cheat because their sexual needs aren’t met, Ophelia. They can also have a strong libido. They can enjoy pornography, casual sex, and even what you’ve dubbed sexual deviancy. There’s a whole lifestyle catered to those needs, one which is based on trust, consent, and?—’
‘And rooted in childhood sexual abuse,’ I interjected. ‘Countless studies have shown women seek out dominant, sadistic men because of unresolved trauma. It’s an attempt to “heal” old wounds, which ultimately only leads to more trauma.’
He folded his arms and ran a hand over the stubble on his chin. ‘Which brings us to the second issue with your hypothesis. Do you know what it is?’
He wanted me to think critically, to question everything, even my thoughts and feelings, but all I could do was follow his index finger as he slowly stroked his chin. I had spent far too many hours fantasising about his hands. What would they feel like against my skin? What would he do if I took that finger into my mouth and sucked?
‘Ophelia?’
I blushed. ‘Yes?’
‘You have a misconception about BDSM. It’s not rooted in trauma, or pornography, for that matter. Have you considered that you might be biased because of your own sexual dissatisfaction and inexperience?’
The heat in my cheeks roared into a blazing inferno. ‘What?’ I squeaked.
