Page 58 of Burn
“You guess? Did you hit your head harder than we thought?”
Nah, he’s just crazy.
“I’m not crazy.”
“No one said you were baby. Relax for me okay?” The woman, most likely a nurse says.
I still can’t see her, I can’t open my eyes, the light hurts too much, that and there’s the fact that if I do open them then this is all real.
You’re batshit crazy, and you know it. Now get up and get the fuck out of here.
“I have to go.”
“Oh, honey, you’re not going anywhere.” She says, her hands gently brushing my hair from my forehead.
I can feel her fingers on me, and it reminds me of the way Phoenix brushed me the same way. I want to cry, I want to scream, and I want to fucking die.
“Phoenix.” I say her name again, feeling exhaustion take over me, an exhaustion that makes it hard to move, one that keeps me in the bed and makes the beeping slow down again. One from drugs. “No. No drugs.”
“You need them dear. Just relax.”
Ha, ha, ha, ha, it’s drugs that got you here and now they’re keeping you here.
“No. No drugs, please.”
“Just rest baby. It’ll all be okay.” The sweet lady says as unconsciousness takes me again, pulling me down into a black abyss.
~~~~~
The blackness swirling around me is lightening up and becoming brighter. The empty and weightless feeling is being replaced by pain. It’s not physical though, it’s mental, emotional, spiritual, or whatever you want to call it. It’s a pain in my chest, but not on the surface, not like the burns. It’s deep inside and it strangles me as I try to breathe.
Daylight filters in as I peel my eyes open for the first time in I don’t know how long. It’s blinding, but the searing of it is nothing compared to the agony in my heart.
Still whining over her? Come on, it’s been days. Suck it up. She’s gone.
There’s no one with me now. My room is empty besides me as I rub my face and look around at all the lines and cords running to my body. I have to go. I can’t be here any longer. I don’t want the drugs anymore.
The machines cry out their warning tones as I rip the sticky pads off my chest and pull my IV line from the back of my hand. Fluids spill out and blood runs from the hole in my skin, but I couldn’t care less. My legs are weak and my arms ache, but it’s nothing compared to what she went through, and I can only hope that she didn’t suffer. I hope she died instantly, like I should have.
I was between her and the blast. I should be dead, not her. She was in a huge fire truck, and I was on the ground. She should still be here, and I shouldn’t. I want to die to be with her, but I didn’t, and I can’t.
You know what you have to do.
“I do.”
Chapter
Twenty-Seven
Nightfall is later now that the solstice has passed. The stars don’t shine as bright when the sun still throws some rays into the vast sky, and it needs to be perfectly dark for me to do my “work”. The stars need to twinkle in all their glory above for me to do what I must do.
Only another hour or so. Patience.
“I have none. You know that.”
It’s only been a month.. You can’t kill every druggie and dealer in such a short time.
“I sure as fuck can try.” I grumble, laying in my small bed in the firehouse.
