Page 74 of Under Locke & Key
“Rachel, don't sell yourself short. If this is real for you—and I assure you it's real for him—then let go and let it happen. You don't have to overthink it. The things that are meant for us have a way of finding us if we stand still long enough.”
The words fall like stones into my pristine and artificially still surface. Sinking in and rippling out. Before I can respond there's a loud ring from the counter. Someone's phone vibrates across the surface, lit up and urgent.
The joke is on my tongue about who could possibly still keep their sound on in this day and age—my mind grasping to deflect with humor—when Logan curses.
“Speak of the She-Devil.”
My nerves over our unexpected heart to heart flood my senses. My breath comes just a little too shallow, and my heart thrums a touch too fast.
“He's not here. What do you want?” Logan sounds as cold as I've ever heard him. The friendliness and understanding from a few moments ago is long gone.
I'm close enough to make out the tinny sound of her answer, for the most part.
“Logan? Why are you answering his phone?” There's a pause before she continues. “Nevermind. Just tell him one of my boxes must have gotten mixed in with his and I'd like him to ship it to me. It's marked ‘wedding’ and it's very important that I get it back.”
“Getting all sentimental? I didn't peg you for the type. Wouldn't blame you for wanting it though, remind yourself of exactly what you lost. Not doubting your choices now, are you?” It's scathing. Mocking in a way and very uncomfortable to watch.
I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be hearing this. Then again, Logan shouldn't be answering Bryce’s phone but I get it. If Ángel's ex, Jesse, called him up and I had the opportunity to run interference, I wouldn't hesitate to give him a piece of my mind and keep him far away from my friend.
She sputters on the other end and Logan latches on to her speechlessness. “Don’t even waste your breath, Steph. If that box is even here, it won’t be for long.”
The tone of her response can only be described as irate and most of it is lost in the muffled sound of yelling. Logan winks at me.
“He doesn’t owe you shit and I’ll personally burn that box if I need to. You made your choice, now keep to it. You decided you didn’t want to be a part of his life anymore and you got your wish. Don't bother calling again. Don’t insert yourself where you don’t belong. I know you're not above that. Bryce might be too nice to tell you to fuck off, but I’m not.”
He doesn't wait for a response, hanging up before she can get another word in. He's fuming, I can tell.
“Wow, Logan, tell me how you really feel about her.” The attempt at levity has the intended effect and he huffs out a little laugh.
“Come on, I'm surprised Frank hasn't dragged you out by the hand yet. They'll wonder where we've been.” Logan throws his arm across my shoulders like I'm one of his friends.
“If they ask, just tell them you were giving me a speech, trying to suss out what my intentions are toward your friend,” I say.
The sliding door's whoosh isn't enough to draw the attention away from all the conversation and music, but the heat hits us the second we step outside.
“And what should I say if they ask me what your answer was?” Logan asks.
My eyes catch on Bryce, chatting with his dad, an icy drink swallowed up by that large hand and condensation dripping down his skin at the contact.
“Tell them the ball is in Bryce’s court now but I'll play for as long as he wants to.”
Bryce notices me, his eyes raking over my body and having more of an effect than the summer over the flush that spreads through me. The slow curl of his smile and the little twitch of his head inviting me over only fuel the flames.
Logan’s arm drops as he heads to Gabrielle and I'm drawn to Bryce like we're tethered and one look from him is enough to tug me close.
“Everything okay? You disappeared for a bit.” There's concern in his voice when he bends down to whisper it in my ear and I'm reminded of Logan saying what he asked Steph, the fear behind it.
I mean it when I say, “Now that I'm with you, I'm perfect.”
There will be time to talk about Andrew's email and the call from Steph, because he deserves to know, even if Logan’s trying to protect him. Bryce shouldn't be left in the dark and blindsided again. But for now I'm content to stand a little too close to him despite the heat. I'll happily enjoy the kisses he presses to the top of my head and the fingertips he trails down my arm as he talks to someone else. As if to say I'm on his mind, he's focused on me, and I find that the niggling voice in my head questioning whether he wants me or if I'm enough is quiet.
Bryce is by my side and that's all that matters.
Our big launchday is so close and despite all the hours and sweat we’ve put into it, I feel nowhere near ready. Rachel has been a life saver, in more ways than one. If I didn’t have her at my side I doubt I’d be able to do this at all. The days at the theater and the nights in her bed have morphed into my new normal and it’s becoming increasingly clear that I don’t want it to end.
I just have to figure out how to bring it up. We discussed taking it one day at a time but that deadline on the calendar looms and I don’t think I can keep pretending to not think of the future. As much fun as living in the moment has been, I want to step in deeper.
Difficult conversations aren’t my forte, as evidenced by my divorce and how it broke down over time because of miscommunications and unmet expectations. I don’t want that to happen with me and Rachel. So, I’ll buck up and find the words.
