Page 113 of A Kingdom of Fire and Fury
I looked into his stormy eyes. His earlier fury still remained, but it was softened by his obvious worry. “You just saved my life. You’re not sleeping on the floor either.” The two of us stood silently. A lump formed in the back of my throat. “We could share. Just don’t expect anything else.”
“I wouldn’t.” There was no hint of a joke in his tone, only seriousness.
I couldn’t stop trembling as I sat onto the bed. My pulse demanded I sit upright instead of lying down. Sleep was the furthest thing from my mind. I touched my arm, lingering on the dried blood. Kieran was silent as he went to the adjoining room, grabbed a wash towel and handed it to me.
I froze. “I...” A heavy fog descended in my mind and made it hard to think.
“May I?” His tone was the softest I’d ever heard it. He clearly didn’t expect me to nod yes, but once I did, he smoothed the surprise from his features and pressed the warm rag against my arm. The sensation was impossibly gentle as he wiped the blood away. “It didn’t get on your shirt, but if you want to change you could wear my shirt instead.”
I let out a shaky breath and looked down at my shirt. He was right. There was no blood. “I’m fine.”
“Your other cut…”
I stared down at the small nick on my hand. I hadn’t realized I’d gotten cut during the shuffle. “You can…”
His gentle touch returned, removing any traces of blood.I don’t have my clothes.It was such a stupid thought, but it was all I could focus on. We’d left our packs with Umara and my spare set was in the inn. “Who do you think did that?”
Kieran clenched his jaw. “Andova. The festival was merely a test, but now they’re serious. They don’t care that you can stop the gryphons. They’d rather secure their kingdom, even if it means they fall alongside us.”
My heart thumped.Selfish assholes.Because I knew what this boiled down to—a greedy king on his throne unwilling to put his people first. “What do we do?”
“From here on out, wherever we go, you’re rooming with me. I’m not letting you out of my sight, Selena.”
I nodded, too rattled to argue for privacy. At this rate, I didn’t want it, even if it meant being tempted to hell by Kieran’s proximity. Because at least I knew if I was with Kieran, I was safe.They almost killed me.Therealization was a whispered thought in the back of my mind that refused to go away.“Are you sure we should still stay on the road? Or maybe… should we remove the body?”
“We’re not going anywhere tonight.” Kieran glanced at the door. “Right now, they don’t know where we’re at. If need be, I’ll take us to Umara, but we’re staying here for now.”
I wrapped my arms around myself. “They ordered a hit out for my head. I don’t—I don’t exactlywantto be out in the open.”
Kieran sat on the bed, but he kept a polite distance between the two of us. “If you hide away, they’ll consider it a victory. They’ll know they’re more powerful. By continuing on, we rattle their faith, especially when they realize their little assassin is dead. They fear Selena the Siren. Let them. Make your reputation your own. Be the siren who sings men to their deaths, Selena. And like I said, I’m not leaving your side. If you can’t deliver the final blow, I’ll happily do it. I don’t care if I have to stain my soul. You willnotget hurt again.”
I glanced down at the sheets. When I closed my eyes, I could see the viciousness in Kieran’s expression as he snapped the man’s neck. If I was Clara, I’d be horrified. But I’d hurt men before to put food on my sister’s plate. It didn’t scare me. If anything, now that the panic had faded, seeing how far Kieran would go to protect me… it only made me feel warm inside. “What made you ask me?”
Kieran blinked. “What?”
“During the festival. When you asked if I wanted to be by your side. ‘Scratch the itch’ or whatever. What made you ask me?”
He let out an incredulous noise. “You’re seriously asking me that right now?”
I ran my hand through my hair. “It’s better than thinking about what just happened. Or the fact that I have to keep traveling while actively having a bounty on my head.”
Kieran’s hand stretched toward me before freezing in place. “I meant what I said. I wanted to hate you—I did hate you, but I also wanted to protect you, to be close to you. At first, I only wanted to use you, but then we got closer. I tried to resist, but I can’t. I’ve given my soul for the protection of the Lusadians. And for so long, that was enough. I was willing to put aside my happiness for it. But then you broke down my walls, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I’m not going to deny my feelings for you any longer or put aside something I know could be monumental. I fucking want you, Selena. No one else compares. No one else sees me like you do. With you, I don’t have to hide. I want you. No, I crave you.”
My heart squeezed at his words. I wished I didn’t have the rest of the world to worry about. “But whythen?Why not sooner?”
“Because I got tired of denying my feelings. Even in the beginning, I found myself opening up to you. I’ve never played for anyone else except Gareth—and that was only once and after years of knowing each other. But with you? With you, I’d gladly rip open my chestand hand you my heart. And that’s fucking terrifying. I’ve been solely focused on my goals for so long. The fact that you could come in and just—just make me want to throw that all away is terrifying. You have so much power over me, and you don’t even realize it.”
I swallowed. “Butwhywait?” If he asked me sooner, if it’d been earlier, I would’ve been able to say yes.
“What do you want from me?” Kieran growled. “You want me to say I can’t stop thinking about you? Because I can’t. You want me to say I wish I could fight this? Because I do. You drive me insane.I want to be reckless with you. I waited because I tried to hold myself back and think of my goals, but I can’t anymore. I’d sooner be able to stop the sun from rising than stop my feelings for you. Iwantyou. It’s selfish and greedy and everything I fought against, but I don’t care. I want to kiss you. I want to fuck you. I want to hold you and make you happy. Gods, Selena, the things you do to me.”
I swallowed. That wasn’t the whole truth. I could feel it in my bones. Kieran wouldn’t just change his mind on a whim. He was too calculating for that. If I was to even consider the impossible, I needed to know. “I just don’t understand. What changed? Something had to have for you to give that proposal?”
Kieran’s stormy gaze trapped me in place. “I made up my mind when I took you to the cliffs. There was no point in denying it any longer. And to do so would just leave us both vulnerable. But not only that, I was tired of settling for unhappiness when you wereright thereand I knew what we both wanted. The proposal—it was just a way in. Because I know you, Selena.You don’t believe in good-hearted princes or roses. You guard your heart with the fierceness of a dragon so that no one can hurt you. I know, because I do the same. I’ve built the same walls. Employed the same dragon.”
My chestached.“Then why? What do you even see in me? I don’t… I know there’s a connection, but…”
Kieran cupped my face and tilted my head to meet his gaze. He stroked my jawline, and the touch sent tingles down my spine. “Of course, it’s more than a simple connection. I want you because you’re passionate. Because you won’t do what everyone tells you to do. Because no matter what gets in your way, you’re determined to break it down. Because you love with your whole heart, and you’ll fiercely protect what’s yours. I’ve never lowered my walls for anyone, but you. I’ve never trusted my heart to anyone but you. Your song might sing me to my doom, but I can’t fucking wait to go to you anyways. You want to know why I took the step? Because it was where I was always heading. A path I could never avoid. Fate will always take me to your doorstep, but it’s because of you that I choose to knock on your door. Because I’m utterly devoted to you.”
