Page 51 of A Kingdom of Fire and Fury
I raised my chin. Energy pulsed under my skin, ready to explode. “You can’t tell me what to do.” I stepped closer to him and jabbed a finger into his chest, meeting his steel gaze. “I’m not going to kill innocent people for Luther.”
“Kieran,” Nimue snapped, breaking the tension between us. I’d forgotten about our audience.
Kieran’s jaw flexed, and his gaze flicked to the others before settling on me. “Think of the bigger picture.” He raised his hands and shadows enveloped us into darkness. When we reappeared, we stood in the centerof my room. “The dragon eggs.”
A laugh bubbled up in my throat. “I don’t give ashitabout those dragon eggs.”
“You will if Andova gets them. Don’t you realize they’ll use those eggs to retaliate against us?” He stepped closer, so that we were inches apart. I could feel his breath on my lips. “Do you think anywhere on this continent is safe if they’re hatched?”
I shoved him. “Leave me alone.”
“Think on it. There’s more at stake than your morals.”
He vanished just before the hairbrush I grabbed could smack him in the face. I let out a ragged breath, scanning the shadows for any sign of him. When he didn’t reappear, I sagged against my bed and flopped onto my back. Why did I think I could do this? Even with my sister having a better life… could I go through with it? Could I paint my soul black for her?
I thought I’d already been corrupted, stealing and robbing to put food in our bellies. I’d injured people before but never killed. And if people had succumbed to the wounds I’d given them—I didn’t lose sleep over that. It’d all been for my sister, and they were the fools who didn’t settle down during a robbery. But this? This was so far from what I was comfortable with.
I pulled out the letter from underneath my pillow. No doubt Aurelia would report this back to Luther, and he’d dangle seeing my sister even farther away from me. I groaned and tugged at the base of my scalp, relishing in the small amount of pain that the action brought. I didn’t want to be a pawn. I didn't want to bea murderer.I’m sorry, William. I’m sorry you met me.
If I allowed myself to stay with Luther, even for my sister, then I’d be allowing myself to be corrupted. It was like when I first started taking jobs from Randall. I’d take a risk, and the next job would be even riskier. Again and again until I did something truly stupid like trying to rob a royal carriage.How long will it take until murdering someone like William becomes an acceptable option?
I yanked off my flight leathers until I stood in my breastband and underwear. Then I stalked over to the mirror and wanted to scream. The changes now were all too obvious. I’d always been lean, but more on the starved side. Now, I had more meat on my bones. My cheeks were fuller as were my thighs and breasts.
But that wasn’t even the most drastic change. My light brown skin lookednicer.More polished.Perfect.My dark brown hair had a shine to it and had grown even faster—now reaching my ass. And my ears… they were fully pointed now.A stranger. A fae.The thought was ridiculous, but I could see now why people believed in those stories. I didn’t look human anymore, not completely.
My breath quickened. I panted, but no matter how deeply I breathed, it wasn’t enough. My lungs burned, and I raised my palm to the mirror.I’m not going to let them turn me into something ugly.
The king’s going to die. Tonight.
And for the first time since I got thrown in this castle, I found myself smiling.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
“He shouldn’t have put you in the room,” Nimue said as she let herself in. It’d been about an hour since I had my realization. Time hadn’t changed my mind. If anything, it brought back an inner strength I hadn’t realized was missing. In that time, I’d dressed myself in a tunic and comfortable tights. Though that didn’t stop me from packing a set of my flight leathers in a knapsack. They’d be useful later.
Nimue wrung her hands together as she took a seat on my bed beside me. “We were all wound up. No one likes doing what we did, even if we try to shrug it off so we don’t feel so shitty.” She swallowed. “And you were rightfully upset. I just—it scares me. Luther still has you on a leash, a tight one unlike ours, and I worry. I’m confident the assassins are no longer from any of the Noble Houses and are now solely from Andova, because of course, they want you gone so Umara’s no longer a threat.
“If you keep pushing, Luther might agree with the assassins, and I can’t bear the thought of losing you. You’ve wormed your way into my heart, Selena. So take some responsibility. I don’t want to be left with Aurelia. Don’t make me go through that.”
Her teasing smile was weak, but I appreciated herwords. I reached forward and squeezed her hand. “I don’t like what you did.” But I wouldn’t reject Nimue for it. My own sins had ruined livelihoods. “Out of everyone you picked, that man…” My throat closed.
She grimaced. “I’m sorry. Sometimes we have to do awful things to stabilize the kingdom. Because of today, Andova will think they’re in the clear. It’ll give us more opportunity to catch them. It’s not… it sounds awful, but it’s not in vain, okay?”
I huffed a laugh. “Just—don’t. I know why you did it, but I can’t. Rationalizing it does nothing for me.”
Nimue lowered her gaze. “We’ve been in the dragonsguard for over ten years. It’s easy for us to… to forget… to get used to what we have to do. Maybe we shouldn’t.” She shook her head. “Do you want me to bring you some food? Never mind, I'll bring you some food anyways.”
“I'm not hungry.” I didn’t have an appetite at all. Not when I could still smell the stench of burning flesh. Not when every time I closed my eyes, I saw William’s haunted eyes.
“Still, I'll bring you some snacks. You might get hungry later.”
I closed my eyes. “Fine. Just drop them off. I want to take a nap.”
Nimue exhaled and nodded, taking the hint and getting off the bed. She paused at the door. “I know it’s hard to understand right now, but it really is for the public's best interest. If they think we don't have control, things will spiral. That’s how we lose lives. I know it’s awful and shitty, but it’s the world we live in,Selena. We can’t afford to think otherwise.”
“Just go, please.”
Somehow, her leaving made me feel even shittier. Time crawled by. By the time midnight made its appearance, I was practically pacing the room. I had forced myself to eat and changed into my flight leathers. As much as I hated donning the leathers, practicality won out. If I got caught in the passageways, I needed an excuse. I couldn’t pretend to be lost if I had a getaway bag with me. So instead, I tugged on some bracelets and necklaces and stuffed a coin purse in my breastband.
