Page 36 of The Heartstrings of Harry
I was curious. “What exactly was?”
“Well, against Dean’s best advice, I was going to see if there was anywhere in town that sold Dean’s cologne. It smelled kinda… sexy. I thought you might like some, not to mention I’d be supporting sales for Dean’s fragrance line.”
I only registered half of what Madeline was saying because it suddenly dawned on me—“Oh my God, I broke Dean’s bottle of cologne and didn’t even offer to replace it. I am such an ass!”
“Oh Harry, it was an accident. I’m sure he doesn’t mind. It’shiscologne. I’m sure he has a thousand bottles of it back in LA.”
“But he doesn’t have any here.”
I weaved my way through the shelves back to the counter. “Mr. Raven, where are your colognes? Colognes for men.”
He raised one eyebrow. “The fancy ones?”
“Yes.”
“The expensive ones?”
“Absolutely.”
“Follow me. You’ve come to the right place.”
We passed the faded piñatas and the cans of lighter fluid and the jars of pickled herring and the bodice-ripping paperback novels from the seventies, to arrive at a shelf containing some dubiously labeled fragrances. Madeline caught up with us as he pulled a tester bottle off the shelf. “What exactly can I tempt you with? Perhaps the alluring scent ofAnimal Attractionby David Beckon.”
“I think you mean David Beckham, the soccer player,” Madeline said.
Old Man Raven shook his head. “Are you crazy? I can’t afford to stock his products. And if you ask me, it’s far inferior to Mr. Beckon’s fragrance anyway.” He squirted the tester in my direction.
“Ow! Fuck! My eyes! What is that, mace?”
“It’s strong, I admit. Perhaps you’d like something more subtle. What aboutAqua-fish Manby Jason Momo?”
“Don’t you mean Jason Momoa?” Madeline said, before shooing her words away. “Ah, forget I asked.”
I flinched as Old Man Raven sprayed some fragrance at me once again. This time he missed my eyes, but one whiff was enough to make me pinch my nose in disgust. “Oh my God, it smells like dead fish.”
Old Man Raven sniffed the air then sniffed his own breath. “There’s every chance that could be the tuna sandwich I had for lunch. I never met a tin’s expiry date I didn’t trust.”
“Either way, would you mind putting the lid back on that bottle?”
“Suit yourself. What about this one?Extra Spicy Red Devil.” He squinted at the label. “Oh wait, that’s chili sauce.”
I held my hands up in surrender before he could anoint me in chili. “Thank you, but no. We’re actually looking for a certain brand of cologne. It’s calledDean.”
Old Man Raven scratched his chin. “Not sure we have any men’s fragrance called that, although I do have several of Dean Martin’s greatest hits records in the music section down the back. You’ll find it right next to theHustlermagazines. If you see Bo Harlow down there, tell him this ain’t a library! I swear I’ve been chasing that guy out of my store since he was twelve.”
“Bo’s twenty-eight.”
“And people wonder why I look so exhausted all the time.”
Madeline placed a hand on my forearm. “Harry, I’m not sure we’re going to find what we’re looking for here.”
“Judgy, judgy,” mumbled Old Man Raven with an indignant glance in her direction.
“It’s not that I think your store isn’t well -stocked,” Madeline told him, smiling sweetly. “And next time I’m in the mood for a pirate romance novel with Fabio on the cover I know exactly where to come. But until then, do you think you can tell us where we might find another store that specializes in men’s fragrances? One thatdoesn’tstock David Beckon or Jason Momo?”
He huffed indifferently like he wasn’t offended. “If you insist on taking your business elsewhere, you can always tryClaudio’s Colognesin Eau Claire.”
With that, Old Man Raven went back to stacking his Marlboros and Snickers.
