Page 101 of When Worlds Collide
I’d even come home a couple times to find him fast asleep on the sofa, just completely gone. And even though it was because he was wiped from learning new routines, or straining his voice laying down tracks – a completely extraordinary life – these little, completely ordinary moments made this feel… real. Worth it.
I didn't try to explain that to Becka though.
"I am happy," I said.
She eyed me sceptically, but didn't try to protest.
"What about you?" I said, more than ready to shift the focus away from me. "You've barely mentioned what's going on with you and Ben."
Becka sighed.
"Oh dear," I said. "That good?"
"I wish I fucking knew!" Becka burst out, and I blinked in surprise. "He barely opens up to me about anything real. He just wants to make out, or –" Becka gestured wildly, like she was trying to pluck an example out of thin air. "Go to the fucking movies, or something. He never wants to talk about what happened. It's like if he doesn't talk about it, it never happened!" She let out a frustrated sound that was half shout, half-groan.
Rarely had I seen the tenacious Rebecca Hanson so… undone. It reminded me of when she and Ben had broken up. She'd been so lost, but so determined to 'move the fuck on'. She'd said it was because she was a 'strong, independent woman who don't need no man.' And yeah, that was true. Becka was strong, and indepdant. But it was also because she couldn't bear to live in the pain that dwelling on their relationship would bring.
Anyone who'd ever taken the time to see past her tough façade would recognise that. She was extraordinary. But that didn't mean she didn't feel deeply.
"I just want to know that it sucked as hard for him as it did for me." She blew out a breath and blinked furiously, looking away from the phone.
My heart clenched, and I had to hold back my own emotions lest they mirror hers.
"Because it mattered, you know?"
Her eyes swung back to meet mine, and I could see the confusion, even through the thin shine of her barely-leashed tears.
"It happened. We had a relationship for years. We said things, made promises, and then… he just ups and leaves. That happened."
She jabbed a finger into the air, the gesture insubstantial.
"It mattered," I echoed.
But what I don't say is that what happened in the past may not be stable enough ground to build a relationship on.
After a few more minutes of small talk, we said goodbye so she could get ready for work.
I wandered over to the balcony, and even though it was freezing, I stayed out there a while, watching the city and giving my thoughts room to breathe.
Even though we didn’t get to spend our whole days together, there was a kind of peace in the routine, a kind of ordinary in the extraordinary of our lives. And no matter the crazy hours we kept, we still got to fall asleep together and wake up together. It was the kind of life that happened in between the big events that defined our milestones. No matter how early or how late our busy days ran, it was kind of hard to be mad about the hours we did get to spend together, because this was ultimately the life we had chosen. We may get pushed and pulled in all sorts of directions, but this was what we had chosen, and it felt… nice.
Chapter 31
Iwasn’t watching where I was going, because I couldn’t see a damn thing behind the massive set piece I was carrying. It was made to look like a cloud, but it was not soft or fluffy, and it was currently digging into my stomach.
Suddenly, my foot went out from underneath me. I dropped the set piece and felt my body following it down.
“Ah, fuck,” I cried involuntarily, seeing the hard, cold ground coming up to meet me.
Except it didn’t, thanks to the sudden grip around my waist.
I flailed for a moment, regaining my balance and planting my feet firmly on even ground. The arms that had grabbed me still banded around me, and I had to twist to see who my saviour was. And to also tell them they could let me go now.
“Gamsahmnida,” I said with an easy smile that froze on my face when I saw the person – still – holding me.
It was Min Taeyang, the lead dancer from Sol8, and the man I’d met at the ball, who apparently had such a poor reputation that Jihoon had seen fit to literally drag me away from him.
And here he was, holding me so tightly I could barely move.
