Page 57 of A World Apart
“Yes,” he said firmly. “Yes.”
I smiled, but it wavered. I tried again, and this time, I managed to keep it there, a testament to my willpower.
“Thank you for today. It was… it was the best.” I didn’t have the words, so I didn’t even try.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the front door to the building open, a figure stepping out. Becka. Stood there with her arms folded across her chest, I couldn’t tell if she was cross, or worried. Knowing her it could have been both.
“Looks like I better go,” I nodded my head to Becka. Jihoon briefly glanced out the window before looking back at me. I could see the indecision warring across his face and so, to spare him from this moment becoming something it couldn’t be, I leant forward and kissed him on the cheek, so quickly it was barely there, just a fluttering of lips on skin, before I spun around and opened the car door, sliding out all in one fluid move, a rare moment of grace for me, but right when it counted.
I turned around just once, a fleeting glimpse of his face as the door closed, me outside and him a world apart. I stood there for a moment, watching as the car pulled away, dragging a piece of me with it.
“Are you ok?” Becka asked from behind me. The question surprised me. Shouldn’t she be asking if I’d had a good day, or what did we do? But something in the way I held myself must have told her the thing to say.
Because no. I was not ok. I heard her walk the few steps towards me before I turned and fell against her, the dam breaking as I sobbed into her shoulder.
End Of Part One.
Chapter 20
Iconsidered calling in sick again, but the thought of lying in bed and having to face my feelings was more distasteful to me than the idea of going into work and having to pretend to be okay. So, I picked work and threw the covers off.
My alarm hadn’t even gone off yet, so I took a moment to open the blinds and look outside, trying to muster up the energy to feel excited about another day in LA.
When that failed, I reached back and grabbed my phone, sliding my finger up the screen to wake it. When I saw the message from Jihoon, a lump immediately formed in my throat, but I opened it all the same.
Joon
Good morning sleepyhead. We’re taking off in a little bit. I just wanted to tell you I miss you already. Is that weird? Probably, but I don’t care. I’m so glad I met you. Talk soon.
[Sent 06:23]
I looked at the time at the top of the screen. It was just after 7:30am. I’d missed his message by an hour. He was officially gone, out of the country. I wanted toberate myself a little for feeling so morose, but I just couldn’t muster up the energy. I honestly wasn’t even sure how to feel.
Last night, once Becka had gotten me back inside, I’d cried myself hoarse. I suspected I’d even scared Becka a little bit. At first, she’d tried to comfort me, then she’d tried to feed me wine, but I’d just... cried. Eventually she’d just pushed me into the shower and put me to bed, where I’d cried myself to sleep.
No matter how many times I’d told myself that his leaving was inevitable − a done deal, a known eventuality − it hadn’t mattered. And now, even in the cold light of day, I felt… bereft, confused, and frustrated. We’d never had a conversation about what happens next, or if anything even would happen next. It was entirely reasonable to assume this had just been a wonderful few days.
Mostly, I was frustrated because I didn’t understand myself right now. Sure, Jihoon was wonderful, so much more than I ever expected him to be—on the rare occasions I’d even considered him as a real-life person—but it’s not like he and I ever had a chance of being anything more than acquaintances. I should just feel grateful for the opportunity to have met someone I greatly admired.
But damn me, I wasn’t feeling grateful right now. I was a mess of emotions and confusion. I barely knew him. Ishould notbe this deep in my feels. And that was the worst part: knowing that my emotions for him were entirely disproportionate, yet still being unable to rein them in. It was like IknewI was being an idiot, but I just… couldn’t… fuckingstopbeing one.
I groaned and threw myself face-first into my pillows.
Fuck, maybe I should take the day off.
Before I could spiral any further into my funk, I fumbled around the pillow pressed into my face and typed out a quick message to Jihoon.
Me
Good morning – or whatever time it ends up being when you read this! :D I hope you got some rest on the plane. It’s gonna be so weird to be at Pisces without you. Comeback soon!
“Good morning, sleepyhead.” Becka’s voice from my door startled me so much I dropped my phone, which was about the same moment I realised her greeting mirrored his.
“Oh fuck, are you crying again?” Becka’s forehead creased as she wrung her hands.
“No,” I wheezed.
“Oh god, oh Ky, oh no, oh don’t do that.” Becka was flapping her hands, coming at me as I bent over the bed, unprepared tears squeezing out through thoroughly exhausted ducts.
