Page 110 of Outcast

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He nodded. “Yeah. They died in a fire when I was six.”

“Oh god. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“Is that why…” I ran my hand down to the phoenix tattoo.

“Yes and no.” He turned us so that I was under the spray, then grabbed the shampoo and began to work it into my hair. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of his fingers scratching against my scalp.

If he didn’t want to say anything more about his parents, I wasn’t going to force it. I knew how hard it could be to dredge up pain embedded deep under your skin. I’d been a mess last night, and I’d only lost my brother. He’d lost so much more.

Gray took a breath. “The phoenix isn’t specifically about me surviving the fire, but about me surviving everything. Anything the world throws at me. It’s kind of my personal mantra, you know? I got through the fire and the loss of my parents. I got through the loss of my foster mom. I got through losing my home.” His dark eyes bored into mine. “I’m a survivor.”

“I can see that,” I said softly. “You’re strong.”

“You’re strong too, Emory.”

“It doesn’t always feel that way.”

“Believe me, I know. Why do you think I got the tattoo? It’s there to remind me. Losing my parents was hard. I had a lot of survivor’s guilt.” He grabbed the showerhead and directed it to my hair, rinsing the suds away. “Something you might be familiar with.”

“That’s different,” I said, closing my eyes as water poured down my face. “He died because of something I did.”

“Did you tell him to take that dare?”

“No, but?—”

“Em, my parents died in that fire because I got out of the house. I didn’t even think to look for them first, and I was so shocked I just sat on the front lawn, coughing and watching the house burn. I don’t know how long I was there before a neighbor ran over to tell me she’d called 9-1-1. I should have done something to save them.”

“You were just a child.”

“I could say the same to you.”

He turned off the water and leaned out of the shower to grab a towel from the rack. He handed it to me, then got a second one for himself.

I rubbed the towel over my body, lost in thought. Gray was right that we were both children when tragedy struck. But it was different, wasn’t it? He hadn’t reacted quickly enough to save his parents, but he hadn’t set that fire. Ihadstarted the game of Truth or Dare that led to my brother’s death. I’d wanted to prove I was just as brave as the rest of them. I’d made it through only two rounds before they’d asked me to climb the tree and jump into the river.

I’d chickened out—and Adam had stepped up when they’d all started teasing me.

I could have stopped it. Could have saved him. If only I’d been braver…

“Emory?”

I started, realizing I was staring into space with the towel in my hands.

Gray took it from me and hung it up, then drew me into his arms.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “That got heavy. How about we get out of here and enjoy the day?”

I nodded. “I think I could use a break from my thoughts.”

“Nothing better than a bike ride for that. Come on.”

We dressed and headed outside. Gray told me to wait on the porch while he rounded the house to get his bike. A few minutes later, I heard the rumble of the motor.

My stomach somersaulted. Was I really going to ride on this thing?

Gray came around the corner of the porch, helmet already on, looking every inch the bad boy on his all-black Harley. Fuck, it was sexy. He waved me over, holding up a spare helmet that was a shiny aquamarine color.