Damn, he was a big man. The air was crushed out of my lungs, and I wheezed.
“Sorry.” He pulled off of me and flopped to the side, still breathing hard.
I sat up to remove the condom, and Gray pointed toward a trash can on the other side of the bed. I tied it shut and tossed it in, then collapsed back onto the pillow.
“Wow, that was…”
“Good?”
“Really good.” I rolled my head, grinning. “But I was going to say a little advanced for a first time.”
He chuckled. “I figured you could handle it. You’re a quick study.”
“Well, I was the class president,” I joked.
“That you were.”
I grimaced. “Bad joke? I know school isn’t your happy place.”
“It’s fine, Em. I’m not triggered by mentions of high school just because I don’t want to relive it.”
“I don’t want to relive it either,” I said. “Honestly, I think I went through all that time in a fugue state. I lived on autopilot for a long time.”
“Why?”
I hesitated. “Ah, you know. Tried to fit in even though I didn’t really. I’m just good at showing people what they want to see.”
Gray smoothed my hair back. “And what about me? Are you just showing me what you think I want to see?”
“It’s different with you.”
His eyes met mine. “I hope so. Because all I want to see is you, golden boy. Whoever that guy is, I want to know him.”
I bit my lip, considering. I didn’t like talking about my brother. It brought up all sorts of pain that people didn’t understand. But Gray had lost his whole family as a kid. If he couldn’t understand, who could?
He sat up. “I guess we should clean up.”
“My brother died when I was ten.”
He stilled. “Did I know that?”
I shrugged. “The news made it around town, but you’ve always been kind of on the outskirts, so…”
“Shit, I did hear something, but it was around the time Axel arrived, and he was in bad shape. Our family was kind of in chaos, but I can’t believe I didn’t realize he was your brother. I’m so sorry, golden boy.”
“Don’t apologize.” My eyes burned, and I wasn’t even sure if the sudden swell of grief was for me or him. “You lost your parents. You had your own loss to deal with.”
“Yeah.” He slipped his hand around the back of my neck, squeezing. “I didn’t realize we had so much in common. I wish we didn’t.”
“That sketch in the car…” I paused and cleared my throat. “It’s from the day he died. The tree.”
“The figure in the tree? That was him?”
I nodded.
“He fell?”
I nodded again, my throat too tight to speak.