Page 64 of Knockin' Boats
He was so fucking sweet I didn’t doubt he meant that.
Fisher added, “You all friendervented me just for having a crush. This iswayweirder.”
I flipped him the bird. “Your crush was OTT.”
“Kissing a guy to avoid strangling him is OTT,” he shot back.
“You’re all over the top,” Poppy cut in. “Makes me glad I’m aromantic and I’ll never have to deal with losing my mind over sex or romance.”
“This isn’t either of those things,” I protested.
“Or maybe it’s both,” Cash added.
I pointed at him. “You’re going on my shit list. No Christmas card for you this year.”
He snorted. “I don’t remember getting one last year.”
“You were probably an ass then too,” I grumbled.
“Sawyer, man, you know we love you,” Brooks said. “But it’s time you really face what’s going on here.”
“What’s going on?” I said. “Tell me, because I don’t fucking know.”
“I think you do,” he said softly.
I shook my head. I wasn’t trying to be stubborn or obtuse. There were just too many thoughts and feelings to make sense of. I loved Ash like a brother. He broke my heart. He betrayed me. I hated him. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to shut that big mouth of his and make him whimper for me and—oh, shit.
I shifted, the thought making me a little hard.
Did I want it to go beyond kissing? To pin him to the floor and make him take my dick over and over?
“Fuck,” I muttered, scrubbing a hand over my face. “My head’s a mess. I don’t know what I think about anything.”
“Maybe you just need some time to process,” Fisher said. “It took Hudson a while to understand what he wanted, because of his baggage. And you two have got a lot of baggage too.”
“He’s not wrong,” Brooks said. “I know Ash hurt you. Maybe talking to him about it will help you figure out the rest.”
“Just don’t be biphobic,” Cash said, his voice taking on an edge he rarely adopted. “You’ve kissed this guy more than once. You liked it or you wouldn’t have kept doing it. Be real about what’s happening here.”
I chewed on my bottom lip. “Just because I like kissing him doesn’t mean Ilikehim.”
“Maybe not, but it means you’re not straight,” Cash said. “Can you acknowledge that at least?”
“Don’t rush him,” Brooks said. “Everyone has to define their own sexuality. You know that.”
Cash looked frustrated. “Maybe I’m tired of waiting on other people to figure their shit out. Maybe I just want to kiss a guy and have him know what the fuck he wants.”
“I’m lost now,” Poppy said.
“Me too,” Fisher said. “I think maybe Cash is talking about his own frustrations as a bi guy?”
Leave it to Cash to make this about himself. “Maybe I want to kiss a guy and know what the fuck I want too, man. It’s not that easy.”
“Sure it is, Sawyer. If I kissed you right now, you’d know.”
“No, I wouldn’t.”
“No?” He raised one dark eyebrow. “Then kiss me, bro. Kiss me and find out.”
