Page 107 of Sexted By Santa
“I should have been.” I swallowed, my throat tight. “I fucked up. I convinced you to leave Tori with me, totrustme with her care, and then she ended up in the ER. I honestly thought I’d make everything worse by staying. You had every right to be furious with me.”
“I wasn’t mad; I was scared out of my mind,” Jaxson said. “I have lived in fear of this exact thing happening, which made me reluctant to leave her with you or anyone else. But it’s because I know how unpredictable Type 1 can be. The pump has helped so much, and the monitor. But we can still make mistakes. Hell, the technology itself can glitch out. It requires a lot of vigilance.”
“I understand that now.”
“But this isn’t your fault. Youwerevigilant. You picked up on her flu symptoms, and you reached out to me. Your only mistake was taking Tori’s word for it on the glucose readings, and why wouldn’t you? I sometimes let her take her own readings, and you’ve seen that.”
I nodded. On occasion, Tori managed her insulin before mealtimes.
Jaxson continued. “If anything, this was my fault.”
“How do you figure that?” Of all of us, Jaxson seemed the least at fault. He’d been working. He had no choice in the matter.
“I was overprotective. It frustrated Tori that I didn’t want her to stay with other people, that I dragged her to work and hovered over her. It drove her to do this, to hide that she was feeling bad, to put herself at risk. Fuck.”
He slumped against the wall and rubbed at his eyes, looking dejected.
My heart ached for him. Jaxson was a good father. Maybe he was a little overprotective, but it was understandable. After yesterday, Tori might even understand a little better. Of us all, Jaxson was the one with the best grasp of the possible consequences should things to wrong.
The clock on the wall ticked closer to 9 a.m. Soon, I’d have to leave for my Santa visit in the playroom. But some things couldn’t be rushed.
I stepped forward and gripped Jaxson’s arm. He opened his eyes, looking surprised as I tugged him from the wall.
“Wha…”
“Better late than never, I hope,” I said as I drew him into my arms.
“Oh.” He sank into my embrace, hugging me back so tightly I could hardly breathe. My heart cracked as I realized that in my own panic, I’d left him to face his fear alone. When he pulled back, he brushed tears from his eyes. “Thank you. It’s been a rough night.”
“I didn’t make it any easier. I’m sorry,” I said. “You’re a good father though. Tori is lucky to have you. Please don’t blame yourself for this.”
“It’s just so damn scary. I don’t want to hover, but…”
“I get it now. I was terrified yesterday.”
Jaxson’s expression turned wary. “It won’t be the last time we have a scare like that. If you can’t handle it—”
“I can,” I said firmly. “Letting you down, letting Tori down? That’s the thing I can’t handle. I love you both so much I just want to be perfect for you.”
“You don’t need to be perfect,” Jaxson said. “I love you for who you are. You just need to be there, even when it’s hard.”
“I will be. I promise.” Emotion clogged my throat. “Yesterday, I thought I’d failed you both in the worst way imaginable. I’ve come up short in every relationship, but the way I love you two? It’s so big and all-encompassing…I just, I panicked at the thought that I’d hurt Tori and betrayed your trust.”
Jaxson pulled me close again and kissed me. “You’d never intentionally hurt Tori, and you didn’t even come close to betraying my trust. I might be overprotective of her, but I know how much you care.”
“I still should have seen the warning signs sooner.”
Jaxson smiled crookedly. “We all feel guilty, but maybe that means we all need to give ourselves a break. If everyone’s to blame, then maybe no one is.”
“Interesting logic.”
He chuckled, though it was tinged with sadness. “You’re new at this, Christian. You’ll get better at recognizing when Tori doesn’t feel right. But this one is on me. I can’t smother her to the point she feels she has to rebel for some freedom.”
“Maybe not, but you couldn’t have known she would put herself at risk. I still can’t believe she did that.”
He frowned. “It was a shock for me too.”
I nodded. “She asked for a punishment. Are you going to give her one?”
