Page 104 of Sexted By Santa
She patted my shoulder. “No problem. You just hit the call button if you need anything. It’s a quiet night around here.”
I knew Paula was right. Tori was recovering well now that she’d been given fluids and insulin to counteract her condition. She was resting peacefully. But I couldn’t entirely shake the tendrils of terror that had ensnared me when I’d listened to Christian tell me her breathing was distressed. Nor could I shake the guilt that I’d frustrated my daughter enough that she’d risk her health to avoid my hovering.
The situation with Christian weighed on me, too, but I didn’t have the emotional energy to dwell on it. Maybe I’d overreacted to his inability to handle the reality of a diabetic emergency; maybe I hadn’t. But it’d all have to wait until I’d gotten some sleep and Tori was well again. I squirmed around in my chair and adjusted the pillow, willing my racing mind to settle.
Thankfully, pure exhaustion did its work, and I slipped into sleep. When I woke, I was disoriented. It was still dark, though I sensed it was nearing morning. My stomach turned with a sense of unease, and I instinctively reached out for Christian. I’d already become so accustomed to sleeping with him at my side.
But he wasn’t there.
Memories rushed in, then.
“Fuck,” I whispered, blinking hard.
Our last texts to one another replayed in my head as I sat up and rubbed at my aching neck. I blinked gritty eyes and pulled out my phone to check the time. It was still turned off, and I powered it on, wondering if I’d been too harsh to Christian the night before. My emotions had been all over the place. Had I been too quick to write him off?
He’d left the hospital, said he couldn’t handle things. But he’d also said he thought he was in the way. Maybe he honestly believed I hadn’t wanted or needed him there? With my focus on Tori, I hadn’t had the bandwidth to think about how Christian might feel. Even if her emergency had rattled him, and he wasn’t sure he could deal, could I really blame him? I knew firsthand how terrifying it could be, and Christian had been the one there with her when everything went to hell. He’d been the one to stay with her and let in the paramedics.
My phone lit up as it powered on, and the date stared back at me. December 25. Christmas Day. Shoot. I peeked over at Tori, still fast asleep. I’d promised her that Santa could find her wherever she was.
It was just after 6 a.m. If I hurried, I could gather all the gifts under the tree, along with a few toiletries, and be back before she woke.
Regret tightened my throat. I’d expected Christian to be with us on Christmas morning. I’d planned to make a big breakfast and snuggle with him while Tori opened her gifts. I’d worked so hard just to ensure she had a handful of things to open, and now the number of her gifts seemed so inconsequential compared to losing our Christmas at home. Our Christmas with Christian. Not that anything could have prevented it—even if Tori had been honest yesterday, she might have ended up hospitalized given how the flu could complicate her health. But it brought things into perspective.
Tori didn’t need morethingsin her life. She needed good health, love, and family.
Christian had become a part of that, whether he was ready for it or not. I’d be doing Tori—and myself—a disservice if I let him go without a serious conversation about where we went wrong the day before. We were too good to let one wrong turn lead us to a dead end.
My notifications caught my eye as I walked out of the room. Text messages had come in, all from Christian. Missed calls too.
He’d texted me right after our argument, but I’d missed the messages since my phone was off.
You do deserve better. I failed you today. I’m so sorry.
Tori is everything to you, and I didn’t take good enough care of her.
I can’t change that, but I hope you know that I love you both so much.
The guilt was palpable in his words. I had been too emotional to see it the day before when we initially messaged. I’d assumed he left because he didn’t want to deal. It hadn’t occurred to me that he was unsure he’d be wanted there, that he felt responsible for Tori being in the hospital. He didn’t know the full story of why she’d gotten so sick. And thanks to me turning my phone off, I hadn’t gotten the full story of why he’d left.
What a mess we both were. I chewed my lip, deliberating on what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it. In the end, I decided most of my words were best delivered in person, and as such, there was only one thing to say now:
If you love us, we’re right here. Get your ass up to the hospital and be with your family on Christmas.
25
CHRISTIAN
I checked my reflection in the mirror. My Santa hat brought out the red in my bloodshot eyes. Wonderful. The parents and children at the hospital awaiting their cheery Christmas guest were sure to be impressed.
The bags beneath my eyes added to my sorry state, a gift from my night of restless tossing and turning as my mind spun with recriminations.
I should have seen that something more was wrong with Tori yesterday. Should have called Jaxson sooner—and kept calling until he answered. I might have worried Jaxson needlessly, but that would have been nothing compared to the emotional pain of seeing his daughter in the emergency room.
Most of all, I should havestayed. Even if Jaxson didn’t want me there, it was torture to be in the dark about Tori’s condition. The doctors had said she was doing better, but that didn’t mean there couldn’t be complications later.
I’d called up to the hospital, but as expected, they wouldn’t give me details of her condition because I wasn’t family. I’d nearly gotten out of bed and driven over there. Only the knowledge that I’d never get onto the pediatrics floor, much less into Tori’s room, had stopped me.
I’d texted Jaxson back, but there’d been no response. And my calls had gone straight to voicemail. Either his phone had died, or he’d turned it off.
