Page 96 of Matched By My Rival
PARKER
I thrummed with tension as I paced the sidelines, watching the team get set at the line of scrimmage. The ball was snapped, and our QB caught it and fell back a few steps to search for an open receiver. He unleashed a perfect, arcing spiral that dropped into Hinkel’s outstretched arms as he raced up the sideline.
Like a perfectly orchestrated dance, Hinkel was in the exact right spot at the right time. He caught the ball mid-stride and dodged a few would-be tacklers before stepping out of bounds.
It was a good play. Hinkel was a good receiver with a ton of potential. But it was still hard to watch. Part of me wanted to charge onto the field and take over, if only to ensure the team won.
But that wasn’t my job today.
After breaking the news to my parents, I’d sought out the coaching staff. Coach Jackson hadn’t been pleased with my decision. He wanted an explanation, but he’d heard me out. Talking about my sexuality with Coach Jackson wasn’t high on my list of favorite things to do, but he’d been respectful. He understood why I might have concerns about being openly pansexual in the NFL, but he assured me that he’d make sure the Haymakers accepted me. That if I wanted to play my final season, I’d have his full support.
Then he’d said something I never would have expected.
“Road blocks don’t come down until someone smashes through them,” he said. “Some NFL players have come out after retirement. It’s not the same as starting a career that way, I understand. But it has to start with someone if anything is ever going to change.”
He was right, but in my heart I knew, it wasn’tonlymy sexuality that had led me to this decision. Football had been a big part of my life, too big maybe. It tended to take over and consume everything. Ambition was healthy. A competitive spirit was healthy. Within limits. A lot of these guys, their entire self-worth was tied into how they played in each game. Was that healthy? I didn’t know. Maybe some people were able to separate their athletic goals from their personal value. But it wasn’t easy.
“You might be right, Coach. But it’s not what I want for my life.” I shrugged. “Maybe it seems strange that I’d walk away from a possible future of fame and money, but…those are not the things that matter most to me. I don’t need to be larger than life. I just want to live a good one.”
Coach had smiled. “That’s a healthier, more mature attitude than a lot of pro ballplayers have, son. If you know your mind, I won’t pressure you to pursue anything different. I’d prefer if you finished your last season, though. Losing you will hurt the team, and we’ve got other players who could use the scouting attention you’d bring.”
I hesitated. “But I’d be taking playing time that Hinkel could use to prove himself. You’d want me to stay, knowing that I didn’t care to stay in football after graduation?”
He chuckled. “Hell, son, I’m a coach. All I care is that you win me games while you’re here.” He was joking—mostly—but there was a kernel of truth there. Coach didn’t want the team to go down the drain. If keeping me meant having an ace up his sleeve, he’d rather do that. “And Hinkel is young. He has a lot to learn. He’s the only one with the speed and build to take over the routes you and Prentiss have covered these past couple of years, but he’s not quite ready.”
I chewed my lip, feeling uncertain. “I don’t know, Coach. I’d need to think about it. I came in here today ready to move on.”
He nodded. “Take your time to think about it, but suit up tonight. We’ve still got a game to win.”
I knew how much my parents wanted to watch me play one last game, so I nodded. Halfway to the door, he said, “I’m gonna keep you on the bench unless we need you. Give you a view of exactly what you’ll be missing.”
Now, as I paced the sidelines, Coach ambled up to me. “Feels different, doesn’t it? Knowing you can’t go in and save the day?”
I glanced sidelong at him. “You wouldn’t let us lose.”
“Nah, I wouldn’t. But I want you to see and feel exactly what you’re giving up.”
I knew that was his goal. But it wasn’t going to work. Yeah, I was antsy when I watched. It was hard not having any control over how the play turned out. My hands tingled with the urge to snatch the football from the air. But that was natural, considering how many years I’d been playing. I didn’t feel envy, though. Didn’t feel like I was missing out.
I was at peace, watching Hinkel speed down the field.
“I know already, Coach. Catching a touchdown pass is an amazing feeling.”
What Coach didn’t know was that one of Simon’s smiles could quicken my heart rate. His touch could shoot adrenaline through my limbs.
Simply holding his hand could feel as good as any touchdown.
Better even. Because it was a win just for me.
* * *
SIMON
I waited nervously outside the stadium after the game. There were a few family members and girlfriends also hanging around near the team and staff exit, and I felt incredibly conspicuous with a candy bouquet in my arms. Thankfully, my own family had taken off already, my grandparents worn out after a full day. I couldn’t have handled doing this with them as an audience too.
Bad enough that one middle-aged blonde woman kept shooting me glances. When my gaze dropped to her jersey and I caught sight of the 22 on the front, my heart leapfrogged.
Parker’s mom. Had to be.
