Page 71 of Matched By My Rival
He blushed. “Oh, this.” He rubbed at the ring on his finger. “It’s more like a promise ring, I guess? I doubt we’ll get married for a long time. I’ve got two more years of school. It’s just…when you know, you know. Why lie to yourselves?”
I spent the rest of the walk to the rec center thinking about his words.When you know, you know.Was that why I missed Parker so much? Why it had felt so right to spend the night in that hotel bed? Why I missed him ten times more than I’d ever missed Kristin?
I’d never really subscribed to the soul mate nonsense. That there could only be one person for you seemed incredibly unrealistic and cruel. What if something happened to that person? What if they were born on the other side of the world? No, I was sure there were more opportunities for love than that. But, I couldn’t totally ignore the part of me that did believe that when you met the right person, you’d feel it.
Parker was different. It wasn’t just that he was my first time with a guy. It was more than that.
But I wasn’t ready to process what that might mean or how we could ever be a couple when no one could know about us. I could come out. I felt a little nervous about it, but I was pretty sure my grandparents would accept it. My mom and sister would be cool. I didn’t care what my dad thought. The guys at the frat accepted Cooper easily enough. They’d do the same for me.
But Parker didn’t have that luxury. He had another year on the football team. And he really was good enough that graduation might not be the end of the road for him. He might get drafted or signed, and if he didn’t, he might decide to play in Canada or do the arena league for a few years. With the right connections, he could go into coaching and be involved in sports forever.
And what about me? Even with the bridges I’d burned, I was planning to work in athletics. I’d almost certainly have to deal with homophobes, even if I was working in administration.
It was too much to think about now.
Parker was waiting for me—and regardless of our future, I very much wanted him right now.
20
PARKER
Simon and I found places to meet up around campus.
They were dangerously public, and it wasn’t a thrill I was seeking. I craved his touch, his warmth. Unfortunately, we had to rush. We got off, and sometimes we spent a minute or two talking, but we couldn’t reallyconnect.Not like we had in Riverton. I missed that. Not just the night in the hotel room, though the freedom for us to take our time and really experience sex at a different level was amazing, but the day spent in Riverton hanging out, talking about our families, our friends, our favorite video games, and movies, and music. Talking about everything—except what we meant to one another.
That had been carefully kept under wraps. I didn’t know about Simon, but I’d been too afraid to put it all out there. Afraid Simon might not want the same things I did.
I was still afraid, but I was also no longer satisfied with hookups. I wanted more than a fuck buddy.
Today, Simon and I were in an empty classroom in the science building. I’d noticed a floor cordoned off for renovations. The building was fairly quiet after my physics class. I’d hung around one day to scope it out, and it was a relatively safe place to meet up, so I’d texted Simon about meeting me on the third floor.
I sat on a desk at the front of the room, and Simon crowded close, between my legs, as he kissed me. He was a great kisser, and he was so aggressive that I usually melted into a puddle of want for him.
“This is the most privacy we’ve had for a while,” he murmured into my ear.
“Yeah.”
“The door is locked, and I have a condom…”
My heart skipped. Did we dare do that? I liked the thought of him inside of me again. And he was right, the building seemed fairly abandoned right now, especially this floor. Still, I hesitated.
He pulled back. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I tried to pull him back into a kiss, but he resisted, stepping back.
“You’re miles away, Parker.” He shook his head, looking disappointed. “If you don’t want this, why’d you text me?”
“I missed you.”
“Well, I’m here. So, what’s the problem?”
“It’s not just the sex I miss.”
The words were out, floating between us. I bit down on my lip and looked away, feeling heat creep into my face. It’s not as if I didn’t want sex with him. But hasty hookups weren’t doing it for me. Even with a smidge more privacy today, there was always the chance we’d be interrupted. We had to keep our guard up, always listening, always just a little on edge.
“Oh, hey.” Simon put his hand on my cheek, gently guiding my gaze back to his. “I miss you too.”
He took a few steps back from me, making me hop off the desk as anxiety shot through me. “Where are you going?”
