Page 41 of Matched By My Rival
It was that his body hadn’t betrayed him. His body could take the hits and get back up, dust off, and run again. His body wasn’t keeping him from the future he wanted.
Unlike mine. Truth was, I’d been done long before I threw that punch.
And maybe, just maybe, if I’d gone through some kind of prep program that had helped me think about my future in different terms, that had helped me understand I was more than a football player, that I could want more than one thing at a time, and had prepared me for the realities waiting for me…
Maybe I’d never have thrown that punch in the first place.
“Hey, stranger. Funny meeting you here.”
I looked up to see Cooper grinning down at me. I laughed. “Are you following me?”
“Pretty sure you’re following me.” He took a seat across from me. “Am I interrupting? I was just about to take a lunch break. Thought maybe you’d want to come with?”
I checked my computer screen. I had a lot of notes about existing athletic programming, stats on how many college athletes continued playing after graduation, and information related to depression among athletes who had to give up their sport. It was a solid start.
“I could eat,” I said. “No Trace this weekend?”
Cooper pulled a face. “I was struggling to keep up with homework. I could theoretically do it at his house, but…”
I smirked. “More fun not to?”
He chuckled. “Yeah.”
I closed out my Google Doc file, closed my laptop, and packed up. While we walked out of the library, my brain churned with questions. Cooper was possibly my only friend who might understand what I was going through.
In more ways than one.
I wasn’t ready to talk about one of those, however. Not yet. My first experience with bisexuality was all muddled up with my confused feelings about Parker and our history. I had to untangle that mess in my head before I spilled it out to someone else.
But I thought maybe Cooper would have some insight into what was going on with the rest of my life.
“I’m working on this project for Sports Leadership. I’m thinking of creating programming for athletes, calling it something like “Life After Sports.”
“So, it’s like, what to do when you’re done with sports?”
“Basically.” I laughed awkwardly, avoiding his gaze. “Been feeling lost lately. Like, I’m a football player, but I’m not. You know?”
“Yeah, I can’t even imagine what that feels like.” Cooper sounded so sincere. “I do know what it’s like to feel lost, though.” It was his turn for an embarrassed laugh. “Spent years doing that.”
It wasn’t a secret. For a long time, Cooper had been the guy who spent more time getting high than cracking open his textbooks. He’d gotten more focused over the past year, though.
“How’d you find your way?”
He looked at me, his face so damn earnest. It was a new side to Cooper, one that had been coming out more recently. “Finding someone who’d support me no matter what direction I took.”
“Trace, you mean.”
He shrugged a shoulder. “He helps me see things more clearly sometimes. He gets me to think about what I really want out of life. I know it’s different for you. You had a dream, and you lost it. But maybe, if you try, you can find a new dream, one that will give you fulfillment.”
I nodded, struggling to breathe around the lump in my throat. “That’s exactly what I want this program I’m developing to help with. Giving us dreams we can actually achieve.”
Cooper smiled sympathetically. “Then it sounds like a great idea.”
I tried to smile back. “Yeah.”
“Maybe, if you let it, this can be your new dream. For now. Helping other athletes face life after sports with more support and hope than you have?”
I thought about Cooper’s words all through lunch, and again when I’d returned to the library. After our conversation I knew for sure which project to choose. Maybe I always had. Because while financial support would be nice, it wasn’t the loss of money that had been killing my soul.
