Page 24 of Matched By My Rival
That sounds incestuous.
Only if we have sex.
There was a slight lag before he answered,True.
I couldn’t get a read on his reaction. True, we would likely have sex? True, it wasn’t incestuous because we never would? Obviously, it’d never really be incestuous since I was just cracking a joke about having equally bad days, but now I found myself burning to find out what was going through his mind.
I’d been so careful with him. Careful to flirt, rather than send blatant come-ons. Careful to nudge him into opening up without crossing any boundaries or prying into his personal business. I knew he was guarded, and so was I.
But suddenly I couldn’t go another second without knowing if this was leading anywhere other than friendship.
Heart in my throat, I asked him:
Do you think you’ll ever want to hookup? With me, I mean?
A few minutes elapsed. Shit, had I overstepped? I’d promised to be patient. Asking him a question like that, putting him on the spot was not the way to do that. I didn’t want to be that guy.
Sorry, you don’t have to answer that. I don’t want to push.
Still no answer.
Fuuuuck.
Well, that was a perfect ending to a crappy weekend.
Coach had made us come in for a drill—even though it was Sunday—after dismissing us in disgust last Wednesday, insisting our heads weren’t in the game. He’d put us through our paces, reminding us that full practice with pads started the following Wednesday, and he wanted us on our game when it did.
Granted,myhead hadn’t been focused for some time now. But the rest of the guys were working hard. Coach was obviously still pissed about Hangover-mageddon—and we were going to pay the price all year.
Saturday hadn’t been much better. I’d gone to the House Pledge project site as usual on Saturday—only to be ignored by Simon. I don’t even know why that bothered me so much. I should have been glad Simon was no longer handing out jobs; I’d escaped more crap work. But the way he’d kept his distance from me rankled. At least when I was covered in mud, he was laughing.
But why should I care about that? My reactions to him were fucking weird. I didn’t want his abuse, but his disinterest also didn’t sit right.
I opened my dorm fridge and pulled out a Gatorade, drinking it while I gathered my shower supplies. Might as well call an end to the day, I thought with a sigh. I’d been too moody to go out with the guys, and now I felt restless and lonely. I didn’t know what was up with me, except I was tired of everything.
Tired of football taking up ninety percent of my time and energy. Tired of the grudge Simon continued to harbor toward me. Tired of suppressing my sexuality.
I trudged down the hall, intent on showering away my dark mood. If I’d fucked up everything with BiCuriousStud, I didn’t know what I’d do. He’d become so much more than a hookup in the short time we’d been messaging. He’d become the first person I wanted to talk to in the morning, and the last one I wanted to hear from at night.
My stupid dick had probably ruined that, leaving me with nothing but my baffling obsession with Simon.
I showered and dressed, feeling only marginally better when I got back to my room. My phone still sat blank of notifications on my dresser.
I had to fight the urge to apologize to BiCurious again. I’d already said sorry, and I had to let him respond before I sent him a dozen more texts.
I turned out the lights, got into bed, and was reaching for my charging cord when my phone dinged twice in quick succession.
I fumbled it, nearly dropping it in my excitement, then slid my finger to bring up the notifications.
He’d finally replied.
Sorry, I’m at work. Just now got a minute to respond.
To answer your question, I do think about hooking up, but… I don’t know. This is new to me. I like to ease into things, you know?
Oh, thank the baby Jesus. He wasn’t blocking me. He wasn’t even angry. I hadn’t messed everything up. Maybe there was a way to salvage this day after all. Maybe I could help my new friend and unleash my urges just a little. But this time, I’d be careful. I’d make sure he knew I was okay with anything he wanted.
I could help you ease into it if you want. But only if you want.
